oh my, a pity party *yay!!* am I invited?

As long as you pity me, yes. I'm now taking requests for appropriately heartrendering music.

i'm so sad for you nanananananananas can be so mean!

now crank up the concrete blonde and lets party!

I always pity you Nana...mmm, how about some Little Wing? not the original, but first version i ever heard

I think there should be an airstrike on their position for that affront nana. nana and trig are os

Sad Movies Always Make Me Cry---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG47QH6BgXM

WHAT PARTY?!!! Nobody told me about it, but then, you're far more popular than I, so if they didn't tell you, they sure as hell wouldn't tell me! Of course, I'm not really much of a party type, anyway, so ...

Lorianne--sneak over here. I got medical hashish and I share.

Trig actually made the guest list, but they're gonna regret it later when he hangs his vejonger out his open fly and starts updating his FB relationship status.

Added Sting's version of Little Wing, which I'd never heard before. It's a little-known fact that he eats a live kitten before each concert performance. Also added some Bif Naked and Natalie Merchant because rok chix are so damn hawt.

Thank you all for your pity, it's the only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out. Virtually speaking of course; the anonymity of the Interwebz tends to encourage suicide and unrepentant lizard-throttling.

Nan my man, you are the party~If you ain't there, who's bringing the good shit, hah~~

Scanner! It's time for someone around here to stop hidin' and start dividin'... :P

Nana ~ the party today was going well until Rep. Peter King crashed it around 4 PM! We've got an "underground" midnight party that will be kicking off in less than two hours and you are invited! Directions are being distributed via PMs so there will be no party crashers to ruin this one!

You're welcome to come here, but you'll have to clear up that Waffle House problem first.

nana, I was surprised to see my name on the list. I think it was the first time evah! So now I can die happy. Or maybe just die.

You can get anything You want at Alice's Restaurant aka mark's kitchen (bar, grille, etc.).

PS - I have a friend in the airline business who can get You a special one- time only discount.

-R-

Don't forget the leather pants!
Woohoo!

Yeah, I wasn't invited either.
Too unpredictable, I guess.

Oh, Cranky's party!
Cranky in leather pants??
Hmmm.....
I'll just hang around here, if you don't mind.... : )

This looks more fun but I can't stay.
Now what?
Call James M. Emmerling

Ha.

See, this is why I don't do Facebook. It's like high school all over again. In high school we used to crash the parties we hadn't been invited to, but my bedtime is eleven o'clock, so I wish you well, and anticipate catching up on the shenanigans in the morning.

Oh for cryin' out loud, get over it. I am almost NEVER invited to these things. ;)

trig kissed enough ass enough times to get himself invited to the Grand Poobah of Community Spirit as Long as I'm the Arbiter of Same CJ party? i hope they weren't heiry. and if a vejonger (!!) is what i think it is, i'm pretty sure there will be a couple people over there who haven't seen one in a few pounds.

i'm getting on my slide-y shoes.

heron, darling, this has nothing to do with facebook. all the drama is right here on OS, cooked up by the old drama king himself.

Sheesh....I'm driving over to the Drop on 31st street and grabbing a few "Matilda's," and drowning my sorrows.
You're welcome to come.
Especially if you pick up the tab.

Sorry to show up late to the gathering. Am I invited? We've been watching Breaking Bad re-runs for kicks and giggles while being tube-tied to Buffet's margarita machines in Marijuanaville. Maybe some friends from the West Coast can bring the B.C. bud.

I'll be back later to comment on tunes. Walter White has got himself in a pickle again.

The Drop? That's not that far from here. I'll pick up the tab if you'll drive me home after they throw me out for vomiting on the raw bar. They do have a raw bar don't they? I ain't going nowhere that ain't got a raw bar.

BC bud! Hopefully Emma will come by with some of that particular flavor of deliciousness. Has anyone seen Emma lately? How about IQ? WHERE ARE ALL THE VANCOUVER PEOPLE!???!

I thought the Tower had the raww bar? Oh hell...who am I kidding? I always grab a table.
Yeah...I'll drive you as long as you vomit BEFORE you get in my Jeep...not as your riding in it.

Hey nana, I only got a walk-on but after a year and a half of plugging away, that's something, right? And I'll second your motion to scanner about the dividing. Meanwhile I'm blowing a smoke ring in your honor. And do let Mark in Japan know that I prefer my tickets with the return option. Thanks but...

Is it cool to dance with Kleenex sticking out of my nose? I hope so because I can't stop bawling. I will never g-g-g-get over being spurned by cranky/capt A/capt cranky/mitt Romney/______ (insert this week's alter), never. Sniff. Sniff. Snort.

Could your problems, dancing and otherwise, have something to do with a possibly botched traumacision? I hear doctors are having some success with reversing them. (And how cozy do you get with the toilets at Waffle House anyway? Supposedly there's more germs on the average kitchen sponge than a toilet.)

Stop whining you big crybaby. At least you're not at work.

Nana, let me remind you of what happened when you ate some sketchy seafood. Beware of raw bars.

It's true, sketchy seafood is an acquired taste, but I won't vomit in JD's Jeep unless he pisses me off. He wouldn't do that though, us Kansas Citians stick together.

Is Marjie making fun of my spelling? It's trauma with a "cize" right? I know this stuff 'cause I'm an otto-die-dacked.

Abra, Jeanette, Marjie, anyone else who made the cook-out guest list; no hard feelings, but please know that I'll flag any future posts you may post, flag them with extreme prejudice. Why? Just because.

Candace, you look smashing with that Kleenex hanging out your nostril; wanna mosh?

Go ahead and flag nana. That's more attention that I usually get.

I suspect you're traumaTized, not traumaCized. Either way, it sounds painful.

I don't expect someone of your educational background to get this, but...

Actually, there are some events where a non-invitation means you are the kool kid.

your too good for them.

DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!

Harry, I love you, man.

Did anyone read whirlwind's comment over at the crankster's cookout post? Whoa. Who is that?

My apologies; I was caught up in an old Austin City Limits episode featuring Roy Orbison, in honor of which I added to this post the scene from Blue Velvet where that freak sings "Candy Colored Clown" for Dennis Hopper. They don't make 'em like that any more.

What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, sashimi, which may or may not include the part of a puffer fish which turns you into an undead slave of Papa Doc Duvalier. Or maybe I'm mixing that up with the scene from The Serpent and the Rainbow where that dude gets turned into an undead slave of of Papa Doc Duvalier.

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME INTO A ZOMBIE SLAVE OF PAPA DOC DUVALIER!

I rated you cause I just feel so damn sorry for you. It's not fair how they ALWAYS exclude you - and they know better! Just a bunch of snobby rich kids who won't amount to much when they grow up.

Wait. What? I didn't get invited either? Well efem then.

Damn straight Grif! That scene from Blue Velvet got a little weird didn't it? "It's dark now." heeheeheeheeheehee

K, let's get down to brass tacks? Leslie Gore is freakin' awesome. She really didn't give a shit about Johnny. Everyone knows it was Judy she was interested in.

Don't believe me? Check out this here: You Don't Own Me. Rock On, Lesley. She's not foolin' around.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmOrWG2FTbg

I'll watch Marilyn now. Thanks for the tunes, nanatehay.

Marilyn forever: "Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight!"

Hey! This place needs some livening up, big time.

Doncha wish you're girlfriend was hot like me? Doncha wish you're girlfriend was a freak like me? Doncha? Doncha...

WHOA!

OK, I def feel sorry for ya, but uh, was Iinvited to something?

Dammit Trog, you're one of the OSers whose (who's?) posts I'll have to flag from now on with extreme prejudice. Don't go hanging your vejonger outcher open fly at the pretty peeple...

Bleue, let's liven up the joint!

But..I thought I was one of the almost not quite halfway to the top popular kids...damn...can I stay here and play?

Okay, watched the Manson video. Why do I suddenly have an urge to have a drink (Oops, sorry Alice) with Marilyn M. and Vincent Damon Furnier?

figured it out... it's a small neighborhood,but vejonger? You fuck!

Harry's's right though. Cooler yet to be left out.

There was a sad song that I heard when I was a child. It seems appropriate here.

Donna summer, "I Will Survive" the abject humiliation of being blackballed from The Cookout. This will forever and evermore be my theme song. I may have the lyrics tattooed on my arms.

You can hang out long as you like LL and I'll count myself lucky for it. I think you and I woulda sat at the same table in the cafeteria in high school. :P

Marilyn can have that effect Scarlett. Is Furnier from Quebec?

Don't sweat. I didn't even make the "Do Not Invite" list. Plus, at least you got an invite to midnight bash. Boo-hoo-hoo. R

I drank Zinfandel earlier with grilled chicken, etc.. It was like taking a handful of percocets... Whoo! Do kinda feel like partying Sat night OS style like back in the old days... 2010.. and 9. Even saw spotted_mary

On the days I didn't ditch or spend my lunch money on cigarettes I know we would have hung out at the same lunch table. Somehow that makes me smile..

Now the joint is LIVELY!

As far as I know the beloved Alice hails from Motor City: Detroit. Under My Wheels and all that. However Canadian producer, Jack Richardson brought him forward with that all-important anthem, Eighteen.

Jack Kerouac did have a French-Canadian mother but I digress.
I'm being called back to Breaking Bad. Exciting life here ...

Where's freaky and that annoying grammar dog when you need them?

And, why did I just watch that last vid? I spent the last 25 years trying to FORGET Blue Velvet..

l'Heure why look at you!!!!! Way cool..

I added Donna Summer for Candace; that seems a near-perfect selection for the occasion. ::sob:: Also added a couple selections featuring L'Heure Bleue, who not only livens up the joint but positively burns it down.

Dianaani, thank you f0r that! If it's possible that makes me even more pensive and introspective than I was when I first wrote this post. :P

Trig; zinfandel? What are you, some kinda East Coast antidisestablishmentarian?

It makes me smile too, LL. For the record, whatever you had left on your plate on a given day I would have finished for you. I was always a gentleman that way.

Scarlett, Kerouac was a 'Merikan boy dammit! And for my money, "Breaking Bad" is the best show currently on televison.

Time you went on your second gold mining expedition!

thanks for the ::sob:: vid, nana. sniff.

bleue is smokin' up the place! you know what would be really cool? if somehow everybody could dance with skype on and it would be like one big dancefloor. wouldn't that be bitchen? and actually nana could dance, too, since he wouldn't be able to step on anyone or fling himself around and knock someone down.

'blue velvet' is one of the worst movies of all time. i was gonna say the only way to watch it *might be* horrifically stoned, but that might send someone to the nutz hospital. i recommend taking that off your netflix queue(ueueueue).

Mining for gold's not as glamorous as you might think. It's cold and damp in the high mountains and the water's too cold to even step in let alone wash in and there are fucking bears all over the place. And there's no food that tastes any good or beer or pre-rolled cigarettes. Shit, I could go on and on about the drawbacks involved with gold mining...

Hey, LL, those who can't sing, dance!

Candace, great idea. We should have a way to have a dance party on here.

If I bring you back a burger will you promise not to flag my posts? Boo hoo hoo here's another sad song for you (I guess you'll have to substitute "boys" for "girls.")
www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6VDplx7xi8&feature=fvst

Blue Velvet is one of the worst movies of all time? WHAT? It's true, the first time I saw it I was nearly puking from the smack I took in the underground parking lot on the Plaza, but I've seen it several times since and it fully stands the test of time. Kpffft!

And yes, we need to set up a Skype dance floor for all the OSers who want to kick it. That is a FANTASTIC idea!

What cookout? Hey....was I invited? Never mind. Just crash it. No point in feeling sorry about it. You're a good writer, you can do what you want!

no bear's worse than a fucking bear, and keeping fucking bears out of your Scout parked in the woods is no picnic, lemme tell ya. i will never ever spend an overnight in a place that doesn't have bearproof walls and a refrigerator or at least a minibar. i mean, i can see the stars and hear the coyotes from my backyard, fer crissakes.

is trig asleep from drinking that west-coasty zin?

" East Coast antidisestablishmentarian?"

Maybe.. or met a girl with taste and class. Could be either.

A think a dance party sykpe is a great idea I wonder if my butt will fit in the picture :)

My new sweetie takes belly dancing lessons from Zaina Ali who has danced at Tasso's forever. I find that... fascinating
Me, a couple bottles of Zin and I'll skype it up too!

i'm dancing down the hall to the nest, kitties. big day in the hot sun tomorrow. don't leave the potato salad out of the cooler too long. smooch.

oh, and thanks, bleue. earworm: dontcha wish your girlfriend was ...
:-S

Don’t fret amigo, there are a bunch of us who weren’t invited. All, it seems, who have at one time or another indicated to ol’ CC that we didn’t swoon at his every pronouncement and consider him brighter than Einstein. He always gets his “old man’s mean revenge”.

He thinks it’s sooooooo clever. Poor sad-sack never could keep up to anyone with two brain cells to rub together. Thinks its cool to have his nose up the butt of any feminist dominant she-hound around. One of them ought to change his diaper more often; he eats anything when he gets hungry.

.

Sky; as always, your analysis is spot on. Mealy-mouthed hypocrites get on my nerves and every now and then it seems best to just go ahead and admit that.

Trig, Tasso's is an excellent restaurant and anyone who dances there must be tres delicioso. Please keep us posted.

Candace, why do you always go to bed before I do even though you're on Pacific time and thus two hours earlier than me? :\

Who in this thread haven't I said something to yet?

C Berg! I thought about crashing it but then realized I didn't have any Dockers. :(

TRUDGE! Was there a midnite bash? Why wasn't I informed?

Marjie, I'm checking out that link now...

Well, I've been uninvited countless times over the years and sometimes it does hurt a lot. In-crowd people tend to be heartless without realizing it...

Oh dear, the bubble girl didn't realize there was a party somewhere. I guess I was busy dancing my ass off. Oh well, there are always more parties to attend.

Check out designator's comments on this post.

I am going to leave you a serious comment, because underneath all the confetti and music vids, you really were hurt, as I would be, as anyone would be, even if they never ever would say so, and no one will cop to that. It seems an admission of vulnerability but damn, it's also the truth. Something that you might not see though is that this virtual party and that other virtual party were in exactly the same way, exclusive. If the unspoken criteria for inclusion were not met, sorry for your loss.

You know who could host a good party, nana? Pirate Wimmen. Any poster who wanted to be one, could be one. It created a platform where posters could be badass snarky, but not in an unkind way, because pirates are just like that. Inclusive is a hard thing to accomplish, but I'm old school, and believe everyone should be allowed to play.

I also wanted to point out that I left a friendly comment here last night, and got no response. You're a good guy, and I think you might feel bad that you missed making an acknowledgment, but, yeah, the result was that I felt invisible to a cool kid. ::sob::

You're a very smart person Greenheron, but methinks you're over-analyzing things a bit. The simple truth is that Cranky Cuss is sort of a douchebag and this post was a way of having some fun at his expense. Cool kids vs. uncool kids, invited vs. uninvited, yada yada yada; who gives a fuck? I have no worries about whether I'm *cool* or not, though if someone wants to look for underlying pathologies behind my words or actions they're more than free to do so. Regarding my not responding directly to your comment, there were many comments coming in at the time, and there were quite a few people I didn't reply to individually. My apologies if it seemed like I was slighting you, but it wasn't intended that way.

Trudge: John's comment was duly noted and appreciated. As per my remark to Greenheron, I wasn't able to reply to each comment individually as I ordinarily like to do.

Bleue; there will no doubt be further parties to which assorted people won't be invited.

Patrick - that is a sad but inescapable truth.

Wait, am I in the "in crowd" now? Have I become part of a feud without even realizing it, aligning myself with some imaginary faction? I sure wish there was a guidebook for this sort of thing.

With all due respect, you made my point for me. S'okay that you couldn't respond to all comments, and who could at a lively party? Perhaps Cranky likewise could not remember everybody in the OS community. I prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt. Now hand me that Reader's Digest would you?

What cookout?

And how could your songlist not include The Big Hurt by Toni Fisher or Hurt by Timi Yuro or most glaringly that other Hurt by Johnny Cash?

There was some kind of cookout Tom, or so I've been told.

Jeanette, there are no factions as far as I know, just a little old-fashioned antipathy between the Crankster and myself. Which brings me to the point I supposedly made for:

Greenheron - this was never about who or who wasn't invited to the cookout. As I said before (and I'm not sure how to make it any plainer), I don't much care for Cranky, and if you asked him he'd no doubt say the same about me. Fair enough?

Well, I can only speak for myself, I've always been either on the outside or the fringe and am quite comfortable there. There is no case of sour grapes here. Besides, life is too short to drink cheap wine.

Love Candy Colored Clown, yea I know, strange thing to say considering the piece you wrote. I wasn't invited either, not really sure why but I don't care. It might have something to do with the whole "virtual thing". What is real and what is just illusion anymore. Loved that you wrote this. Very, very cool.
Rated

cranky (and whatever alter he's writing under at any moment in time) has appointed himself the ringmaster of this circus, so he puts up posts like the one yesterday and makes up lists of people who he deigns good enough to merit being on them. most of those people have no idea what the backstories are or that he's just a bully. pfffffffft. cheap wine, indeed.

So greenheron is wrong? Underneath it all you're not reeling and feeling all vulnerable and hurt, you haven't suffered a mortal wound to your soft underbelly, your nose is still on straight? Well then sorry for the song suggestion. I guess this would have been more appropriate:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QA4DG804VuI

Party... and Bullshit, (Party.)
and Party... and Bullshit, (Bullshit.)
and Party... and Bullshit, (Party.)
and Party... and Bullshit, (Bullshit.)
and Party... and Bullshit, (Yea... Junior Mafia likes that.)
and Party... and Bullshit,
and Party... and Bullshit, (Uptown likes that.)
and Party... and Bullshit,
and Party... and Bullshit, (Bad Boy likes that.)
and Party... and Bullshit,
and Party... and Bullshit, (Brooklyn Crew likes that.)
and Party... and Bullshit,
and Party... and Bullshit, (Third Eye likes that.)
and Party... and Bullshit,
[Repeats until fade out]

@sky: "Thinks its cool to have his nose up the butt of any feminist dominant she-hound around." Please clarify 'feminist dominant she-hound.' Naming names is purrrrfectly acceptable.

Candace, I think you're right that most of us have no idea what the backstories are. Maybe a chart would be helpful, showing everyone's alter egos, along with who insulted who and when.

Then again, I guess I really don't want to know. This kind of thing is definitely what I dislike most about OS. It's a virtual minefield. Better to not venture out.

a hearty facebook LOL @ 'feminist dominant she-hound.'

and a LMAO to boot

There was a party? where? who? I thought WE were the kool ones? no?

Backstories? Bullies? Alter egos? Virtual In-crowds? Feminist dominant she-hounds?????
A chart ! A chart!
I always thought one would be included if the name works in a paragraph more than one is an in-crowd-er...but maybe I was just thinking that as that's the only way I've ever been included in these things...

I suspect that alot of parties are happening w/o the coolest of the cool,
people like rita, thee, and me. Here is how i see it:
they cannot allow us there,
we would steal the show.

Seems I too was not invited. THANK YOU all you OS backbiters destroying the country! You better start kissing my black ass or the Republicans will GET YOU GOOD! Worship me, I am your savior and your god!

I'm Barack Obama , President, and I approve whistling at white women.

Depends on who you ask, Rita. Definitions of "cool" are quite subjective after all; the ancient Celts thought headhunting and burning people alive in wicker cages was cool, whereas in San Francisco such practices would be frowned on.

Trig; what, not a LMFAO?

Jeanette, I guess we all have things we like least about Open. For you, it's this kind of thing; for me it's a different set of things entirely. As per my remark to Rita, it's all rather subjective.

Thank you for the lyrics Margaret, but aren't they a bit nihilistic? Can't we just listen to songs about people getting along and living in harmony and stuff?

I'd like to buy the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves.

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to buy the world a Coke
And keep it company

Visualize whirled peas!

Candace, that about sums it up for me too. Bullies come in various flavors, but I' much prefer the ones who are honest about it over the ones who disguise their snide little jabs with a treacly facade of (Party and... Bullshit!) supposed civility.

Thanks Mical, and who is to say indeed?

Scarlett, spoken like a true oenologist!

Tom, I can't believe I left those out either. I guess we'll have to put it down to my woeful unfamiliarity with the classics, though I do think Johnny's cover of "Hurt" was even more effective than the original NIN version.

OK, my computer is giving me fits here; I've been trying to post this comment for quite some time but it wasn't letting me and when it did finally it was a garbled version of the comment so I went to "comment management" and deleted it and somehow in the process I accidentally deleted a remark from Capt. America, which if he cares to he is free to repeat. My apologies.

What were we talking about again? Reading now what people have said since my 'puter went south...

Just Thinking, it has all the elements of a Greek tragedy alright, except for tragedy and Greeks.

James, I think they're as worried about us stealing the silverware as they are the show...

Mr. President! Let me take the opportunity here to reaffirm my undying loyalty and my willingness to personally defenestrate any member of the professional left who dares critique your record as chief executive of this great land.

I'm wracked with guilt! And remorse! I get lots of invitations to parties and don't go while there are people who have none. I'm wasteful and a horrid woman! I feel shameless, ohhh I lament...

I have an invitation to yet another wedding I'm not attending. I don't know if the people are cool or not, I have no memory for such things but I can call someone and ask. If they are, you can go in my stead. Don't forget to dodge the bouquet if the bride fires it at you!

Waste not want not... I should be OK Bleue; I'm fairly nimble for someone completely lacking in agility.

wow just watched Bleue, that sexy vixen!
cool to me..!

What??? I missed out on a barbecue for cool kids AND your party???!!!

Crikey. : (

No worries, Kate, there was a barbecue here too of sorts. There's still some shishkabobs left, and pasta salad and olives and even some of these excellent feta-stuffed portabello mushrooms. There's Stella Artois in the cooler and at least half a box of wine - my apologies for having boxed wine - over there next to where the ice sculpture used to be. It's Labor Day!

Rita; you ain't just whistlin' "Dixie."

And since it is still a holiday, I added some Johnny Cash for Tom and some Notorious B.I.G. for Marjie. Even if they don't get back by to watch their selection, I'll be hip-hoppin' to Mr. Smalls' mad rithumz. R.I.P. B.I.G.!

Hey, thanks nana! A glass of boxed wine will do just fine.

Cheers! Happy Labor Day!

I'm relieved you weren't offended by the boxed wine; once you've had several it tastes as good as the bottled stuff anyway. Cheers!

I'm always the last to know.

Hey Candace, that song is by Gloria Gaynor, isn't it?

(going home now)

What, no White Zombie?

Sandra! You and I both. :( I thought that song was by Cake, actually.

For you, Drew - White Zombie.

Sandra, damned if I know. I was just trying to stay above the waterline the other night, what with all tho crocodile tears flowing around here. Heh.

Drew, is a white zombie anything like a white Russian?

SIGH. Very late to the party. Again. And I wasn't invited either. I think I'll just hide under my covers for the rest of the week.

No hiding under the covers, Voicegal; you need to write one of your beautiful posts. (hint, hint)

Candace, aside from the rather demonic hard rock group of the same name, a White Zombie is one part Half-n-Half, three parts Courvoisier, and five Xanax.

Cake owns that song. And speaking of cake, if I had been invited to this cookout I would have brought Dump Cake. Your White Zombie concoction sounds lethal - I think Heath Ledger had one before he died. I won't be able to watch whatever you've added to this until I get home from work but, am I the only one who's noticed the title change? Or is it just my imagination. Anyway, FYI, if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. Because for those who come to San Francisco, Summertime will be a love-in there. Oh and you'll meet some gentle people. That's just a handy travel tip.

Well, I threw a big party this weekend and DIDN'T INVITE ANY OF YOU. Sorry. Will post about all the wonderful stuff that went on THAT YOU ALL MISSED. And it was a real party too, not a VIRTUAL PARTY FOR LOSERS. So there. (Sob, I always liked CC.)

Margaret,
When I went to San Fran I wore flowers in my hair. Then I went and sat in Golden Gate Park turning my ear to listen for any remnant of Jimi Hendrix floating on the air. I went on a "Flower Power" tour of Haight-Ashbury and the tour guide took us past all the famous dead people's houses and past the spooky house where Charlie Manson did his recruiting. I stood on the other side of the street to look at that one not wanting to get too close.

Nana: Now here's some heart rendering music because you can have your wine - as long as the grapes aren't sour - in a box, bottle, bag, or like in the ol' days, a flask. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNqv85coyTw&feature=youtube_gdata

I'm looking forward to hearing about the paganfest Myriad, even though I hinted on your blog a few days back that I'd come if you invited me but you never did because obviously you HATE ME and want me to die. ~tears, real tears~

Marjie, Scarlett, y'all have reminded me of some lyrics from a really old Frank Zappa song:

What's there to live for?
Who needs the Peace Corps?
Think I'll just drop out
and go to Frisco
Buy a wig & sleep
On Owsley's floor

Walked past the wig store
Danced at the Fillmore
I'm completely stoned
I'm hippy & I'm trippy
I'm a gypsy on my own
I'll stay a week & get the crabs &
Take a bus back home
I'm really just a phony
But forgive me
'Cause I'm stoned

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco!
How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya
Oh, my hair is getting good in the back!

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

Hotcha!

First I'll buy some beads
And then perhaps a leather band
To go around my head
Some feathers and bells
And a book of Indian lore
I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce
How to get to Haight Street
And smoke an awful lot of dope
I will wander around barefoot
I will have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times
I will love everyone
I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street
I will sleep . . .
I will, I will go to a house
That's, that's what I will do
I will go to a house
Where there's a rock & roll band
'Cause the groups all live together
And I will join a rock & roll band
I will be their road manager
And I will stay there with them
And I will get the crabs
But I won't care
Because . . .





I want some wine in a goatskin bag like the dudes in "Spartacus" had!

I always get Frank Zappa and Franz Kafka mixed up. Not really but it made for a good entry. Good lyrics about phony hippies an other relevant things like "Oh, my hair is getting good in the back!"
Weasels Ripped My Flesh was the album that floated around from my older brothers that I sat and stared at. "Movin' to Montana soon"... What a voice he had.

Yes, yes, a goatskin flask and maybe a nice sheath to keep your sabre in.

Wasn't Kafka a Hungarian? I've never trusted the Hungarians.
The Spanish guerilla fighters in For Whom the Bell Tolls were always drinking wine from goatskin bags. When I first read the book I wanted to hang out with those people, it sounded fun except for the getting killed by Fascists part.

Still trying to figure out which nazi you remind me of.... Himmler, Heydrich or James Carville ? Tough call.... You all have that skin head neo-fascist hate thing working for you.

Nana if I was making out the guest list you would have been the master of ceremony's, all one need do is check the quantity and quality of the comments and commenters on a simple little musing like this. I rest my case, when it comes to an OS social hierarchy you are the undisputed king.

Jack Heart (apology typo on last comment) and I bumped.

hypochondriac scowls at the Veteran
and disputes his latest PTSD diagnosis
seeks nanatehay's respected 12th opinion

Smile.
I have to visit a neighbor to listen to music.
She lets me in if I lug a jug of honey wine.

We seem estranged and avoid eye contact.
tease.
That would be if we violated each other.
I'm doing a bachelor role and wonder why.
I too demented and shed tears of grief too.
Also
Relief
Thanks
nanatehay
Horses do
Sip Mead

Hey you have to drop by and feel better seeing my sunflowers. I hear your point here and am speechless as to say anything else .. Nice collection of tunes. I like the DB one by NM. And may Gods love be with you.

@Scarlett: Frank Zappa. Franz Kafka. That's even better than the Oprah/Uma thing David Letterman did when he hosted the Oscars.

Myriad is MEAN. Isn't going to a virtual party for losers better than going to no party at all? Losers can party too Myriad. Losers can do lots of things, I should know. (Only because I read it once, as a footnote, in a book for winners.)

You, the scum of the earth, shall be My first slave, who I, Mistress of Hell and Fire, shall call bytchboy.

A boy shall bytch and moan but still, I will pound in the rectum, damn near killing you!!!!!!

Now beg for the pain, bytchboy, and lick my boots, they need cleaning!!!!

Bytch Boy here and at your service, oh slutty one, mistress of floozies, chieftainess of chippies, than which there is none skankier. Are you really as hot as your avatar looks?

Ooops, I mean, thank you ma'am may I have another!

Tell her, Marjie, tell her! If Myriad thinks she's iuvited to my sweet sixteen extravaganza she's got another think coming. :\

Algis, thank you my friend!

Art, I commend you for your generosity but if I had any mead I wouldn't be sharin' it with no horse. :P

Jack; that's what I've been tryna say!

I am hotter!!! A slave likes licking feet and ass, he'll love Mine, they taste like cinnamon!!!!!!

NOW GET TO IT SLAVE, LICK MY CORN HOLE!

You are correct, Cranky Cuss is a douchebag.

But I don't like corn...

Sword of Justice! Long time no see, and true dat. I kinda like Nana-te-slutty-queen though. She or possibly he calls me Bytch Boy. :-)...

I am She, bytchboy!!! Now lick my boots, use lots of tongue, and like it.

And call up that Tinkerertinkyererererererererererer and tell him to come on, My boots are nasty and need a good licking!!!

I have such shit slaves!! ~whips them~ BOW BEFORE YOUR MISTRESS DICK NARDS!!!

The comment threads on your posts inevitably take a strange and disturbing turn...and now it's happening with this one. Same thing with the parties you do get to attend?

Jramelle, thank you for visiting my blog. I had at first titled this "A Behavioral Study of the Mating Practices of the Lesser Whooping Rat" but decided to change it to something less cerebral, to wit, "Paris Hilton: The Debutante, The Coochie, The STDs" but then I realized it was keeping the church-going crowd away and went with the headhunting thing.

Nana-My-Slutty-Queen, how dare you call me a dick nard! (what is a dick nard?)

Myriad, things were going fine here, the conversational level was quite elevetated in fact, then Utty-slay Een-Quay up there showed up and the thread took an even more marked turn toward the weird than usual. Regarding parties I do actually attend, it all depends on how early they break out the honey wine.

A dick nard is a super slave, super slave with a super dick!! ~nodding~

Now get into a slave's super slutty super model outfit AND LICK MY BOOTS!!!

::boot-licking noises::

could someone give me a warning bark when the party starts up next time? i'm been all serious, trying not to use bad words and not call wanky and pouts things like Class A fucktard over there all morning, and you guys have been partying here since, um, yesterday? and here i thought we were, sob, friends. sob sob.

oh, and they're **bota bags**, those skin things. i oughta know, having drunk from them while watching bulls get sworded to death in mexico in a prior life. i have done things of which you can only dream, kansas man.

~boot licking noises~

~:D

Sheesh. I don't know whether to rate this, or lick it. I mean, I was mention in Cranky's post. :D

~wanders off to watch the Republican's debate~

Should that be republicans' debates? Jesus, I have been drinking, Im wish others have been drinking, make a better blog! :D

Come now Candace, time spent interacting with TweedleDum and TweedleDuh over there is time, um, that you'll never, never ever get back. :( And what's this, drinking vino from bota bags and watching innocent animals being slaughtered with outsized cutlery! Wooo-hoooo!

Tink, you better watch out or Matt "Mouse Nuts" Pouts will start accusing you of dunken drebauchery!

it doesn't take much hot wine from a smelly skin (!!) while sitting in blazing sun in a tijuana bullring to make you sorta blind to things like large quantities of spurting blood and dying livestock. which wasn't nearly as scary as the taxi ride back with the driver intent on committing suicide. wait. i'll think of some music that goes with this.

Wow, I'm feeling so much better after reading your post and knowing that I am in such good company! greenheron was right. I was a bit down in the dumps because as much as I try to practice "not taking anything personally" on a daily basis, there will always be that little girl that feels left out of the "popular kid's club". On a more positive note, I also loved James Emmerling's comment: "they cannot allow us there,
we would steal the show." Yup, that one works for me!

"Una Paloma Blanca" maybe, or wait, Brian Setzer's version of "Malaguena"!

Mary, good to see ya! And you're righ about James; he brings the party with him wherever he goes.

I'm listening to the debate (on computer, with mouths not quite in sync with sounds) and I think I might prefer wine out of smelly goat bags and watch livestock slaughter... okay, no, I'd stick with this awfulness (argh, Bachmann)

I've been watching little bits of the debate myself. What an absolutely heinous gagfest.

A Reagan worship bit is going on now. The sweet apple wine I'm drinking has turned sour...

I just caught it. Isn't it weird the way we can watch history being revised right before our eyes? Oh God, and now that Christofascist Rick Perry is speaking...

aha..i see the string is still being stretched by comments
no doubt being thrown into the famous Abyss
for free...still, i am glad to see threads thrive
when they make some goshdamn sense to me....

now, re.
"is there anybody out there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there any0ne home? "

is answered in the penultimate affirmative; we are all home,
dammit, in our holes and cubbyholes and raised structures
and just plain home sweet homes.

that is the thing today: our private paradises,
the gardens we assiduously tend,
are isolated in a mad world of frantic Oedipal experimentation,
like the neighborhood bar,
where the regulars lurk with knowing smiles
nursing light beer
at the awful wondrous spectacle of
the dead rising jerkily to the devil's music
spouting nonsense at least a decade out of fashion, speech-wise...

we sit in our windowless monads.
whats his name, spinoza, was right.
or was that leibniz?

A wine bag beats a whine bag any day. The former, not the latter, are sure to be a hit at any fiesta.

Seems that I recall on the shores of small town Lake Erie in the ole' "Boone's Farm" days (the 70's), we called them wine skins but wait, ... it's Wednesday, hump day, right? I think it's okay to pop a cork without being a "small-minded drunk" isn't it?

hey, mary t! good to see you, mountain-ish woman. pull up a stool. in case you hadn't heard, we don't send out invitations because they're snotty but we welcome people with measurable IQs.

scarlett, i will maintain to my dying day that one should never drink cheap wine. out of skins or even glasses. :)

Thank you James Emmerling for another brilliant comment.

Candace: Well yes, I've sided up to the party and no, I didn't know about the invitations or the IQ. I'll have to work on the later to qualify.

Sorry everyone, I got hypnotized here by the GOP candidates' debate. Jon Huntsman is actually a reasonable person, but just now watching Perry and Bachmann doing their best to claim that global warming isn't real nearly made my brain melt. The only thing scarier than those wannabe fascists are the millions of fucktards who believe the festering lies that plop out every time they open their mouths. Back in a sec, I need to dunk my head in Purel...

oh, come now, you folks needn't thank me for my brilliance.
i shine day and night. i can't help it.
ha!
perry is talking about the killing of a police officer.
romney said he has trouble with them who do not want higher taxes
to support the troops.

bachmann was saying something about this lack of
"entering & exiting" strategy.
or was that perry?
sorry, it was perry. he was making a "philosophical point"

a black bald man is up there. he looks half sane, with tv on mute.

ron paul is making sad faces and rappin bout the welfare state,
hands flapping.

uh, bush 2 is given kudos and simultaneously
a purple heart.

the two blandest anchors possible are mediating.

now nancy reagan.

why is she there?

to look old frail and awesome, i know. too bad her husband
went wet brain the second yr of his glorious presidency.
still, he is to be admired, reagan,
for
outshining his progeny,
even in his wax museum dignity...

perry's hair moved not an inch.
romney looked normal but out of touch with the true
christian mythopoetic structure of endtimes.
he seems to have embraced his mormon side
and yearns for those days before and after temporal existence
when he was clean and
nicely attired in white, a god.

bachmann is so scary i will never think about her & palin's
threesome with dan quail again!

¿where was i...


oh, Abyss.

Or maybe someone's
stiletto fell off

checking...

I have been here since Saturday over in the corner and already drank all the Purel. I thought it was cheap wine you favored.
HA!

So glad I have a good baseball game to watch..

Not only was I not invited to that one, you didn't invite me to this one either. Pfft! I win.

stilettos ought to be made to fall off, i have learned.
make a gal wobbly and hazy, and she will collapse like a house of cards.
they think they are headed to the Abyss,
all kooky and benumbed and intensely double-negatived out of
their current gripe...by the sheer power of the smiley mouth and
sensible male mouth sending
somewhat intelligible morphemes and syllables toward
their cavernous inner ears, which have guards posted all along
the cilia to root out the pigs.

HINT TO MEN STILL awake:
play hurt. boo hoo. then, lightning fast, recover.
hurt rodents at the side of the road will only
imbue a woman with savage pity and lots of
pointless wordplay.

no need to play possum when u are just dumbfounded.

aka, so that's why the place is all germy. purel, the new beaujolais.

james, what was that about stilettos? i hafta go read it again, being distracted by shoes to zappo's online instantly.

Why do I feel like every time I come here, someone should hand me a pair of 3D glasses, like at the movies. Or some kind of special glasses. And if you have Purell, perhaps you should take some to Waffle House, for those dangerous bathroom trips.

OK, I've lost control of this thread now, now that I had control to begin with but the mindnumbing effects of watching those Rethugz telling the Tea Party "Me love you long time Joe" has nearly unhinged me.

Cappy and Tink, the fabled core of the Gutter Krew, came by, and Mary Kelly one of my favorite old school OSers, and Inverted and Candace and Scarlett and Nana.Te-Slutty-Queen, and James is blowing my mind and AKA drank all the Purel - it ain't nothin' but a house party baby...

And Marjie and Candace. Did I say Candace? Is the way that debate made me feel how I'm going to feel if Rick Perry is elected in 2012? There's not enough disinfecting soap in the world to set that right, though admittedly a little Purell strategically applied while using the Waffle House restroom would have saved me an embarassing trip to the clinic.

Dearest Nana, just like you, Matt is a good friend of mine, both of you, I would LOVE to see in a gang bang with Mitt and Rick!!

Jesus, those two wish I was I gay!! ~smooch~ I LOVE YOU!!

~wanders off~

here's a little game to try:

go to the OS cover and click on Popularity at the top
then click on Most Viewed and leave the time period at 1 day, all time
see the post on the top of the list, 10 Resources for Students Online?
see the number of view in one day, highest of all time, 5255?

now click on the title of the post (note the measly 12 rating) and when you get to Ryan Clark's blog page, click on Back to Posts

now click on Popularity, then Most Viewed, All Time
see the 239,053 views?

now go look at the title of catherine forsythe's current post.

I LOVE YOU TOO TINK, YOU'RE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A THREE-TOED SLOTH!

and in
amongst the cilia
h/i/d/ing tiny yanomamis
with little bone hammers and little
skin drums waiting to pound your corpus
callosum into a succulent salmon pâte, not any
old augenmusik meant for just another augenblick
'cause they really can kiss with those three sticks stuck in their
lower lips***************************************************

stilettos =
Chinese foot

torture. (bad politics, too many shoes)

Thank you for that, Inverted. I feel honored that, in one day, Art James and James E. and now yourself have shared your art on my humble blog. This is one of the things I love about OS, that a lowly carpenter from Kansas City can interact with artists and intellectuals and assorted other ne'er-do-wells from all over the planet. I read a book about the Yanomamo for an anthropology course a long time ago - I wanted to move to the jungle and join them, though I doubt I'd have lasted a week out there.

Candace, I'm gonna go look...

No QUESTION- this all about Race! Just the race between wannabees to have the most lattes in either South of Market or Williamsburg, at shareholder expense- anyone else remember the IPO?

Coincidence, hmmm?

Look, there's nothing wrong with wanting lots of pageviews, not one tiny beensy thing. But I've got a very sensitive bullshit detector, and I can smell something that is *not* altruism, not kind-heartedness, not selflessness.

For CF and her band of pals to pretend that she writes Public Service Announcements out of the pure goodness of her heart is to treat the saps who rate and comment on her posts like the barker treats the shills at a carnival.

Pfffft.

artists
poets
musicians
intellectuals
assorted ne'er-do-wells
and don't forget
hillbillies & witches
but most importantly Mr. Tehay do not ever forget ...
Jesus was a carpenter.

un-rated just for the the fuck of it

I unrated too, but only so I can rate it again in a min.

II (pronounced aye aye), helloooo down there in the Venzwayla lovely place. Even if one can only wear stilettos for 15 minutes because of the intense pain, they look so so so good.

You know what's cool about the ability to build things? It's the, that's right, ability to build things. Producing something. After the meltdown there won't be much demand for derivative peddlers.
Now, what was this post about?

A lowly carpenter from Kansas City???!!!!! OMG, you're that carpenter? Can you raise the dead? Turn my water into wine? Roll away the stone? I bet you're banned from fishing contests because you catch more than anyone, ever! And you do it without a fishing pole.

Trig, I think it's Hungarians. And maybe swords.

Candace, I followed your directions and got to the 200,000-plus views...but after that point I'm lost. Why did this get so many views (legit student views?) And how does this link to CF's post title about 9/11? (It's my Being Outta The Loop and generally Not Getting Itness that keeps me from being invited to the cool parties and having to throw my own...)

Trog: RE-RATE THIS POST OR DIE!!!

Oahu, that's exactly what I was getting at! It's just another case of The Man tryin' to keep a brother down, if by brother we're referring to a WASP from Kansas. ;-)

Candace, what I find almost as gag-inducing is that those posts just aren't that interesting. More and more this place isn't so much a blogging platform as it is a faciliator of constant, in-your-face mediocrity. Anyone who says OS is as interesting a site as it was a couple years ago either wasn't here a couple years ago or is a fucktard.

Scarlett, if Jesus was a carpenter why couldn't he figure out how to pull those nails out of the cross?

Um, Candace ... rumour has it that you're really tall. Why would a long-legged So Cal gal like you need stilettos? I'm just a short 5'3" compact Canadian chick. Get outta the way, I may need those for an important occasion or something. Ah, forget it, .... everyone one knows we wear muk-luks up North. ;)

Marjie, I can also heal leopards.

Myriad, not the 9/11 post, this post:

http://open.salon.com/blog/catherine_forsythe/2011/09/07/nine_digital_resources_for_the_student

Yeah Yeah... don't want to be forked or sworded in my sleep... rated

Speaking of a couple of years ago Denise M and I were talking earlier on another venue... miss her, and yes, bottom line is it's just not as interesting as it used to be around here.

Oh. Not the 9/11 one, but the Student Resources one. So it's a pitch to get a couple hundred thousand views?

Bingo.

Scarlett, you can have my high high heels. Nana's gonna make me some leopard skin Uggs. Faux faux. I meant fleopard.

I meant lepers. Their skin's not as attractive but let's see what we can whip up.

Trig's right about the ability to actually make something. Hungarian derivatives peddlers will be among the first to die when the balloon goes up.

Tho anything with 9/11 in it might draw eyeballs from Out There too. Okay, I think I see what you're getting at. My mind is numbed from too much nice apple wine plus the Repub debate. I'm going to bed now, putting myself to sleep by composing a post about on-line resources for students. Nine Magic Spell Online Sites for Students. Would that get eyeballs? (Eh, who wants eyeballs. Two eyeballs of my very own, a few ratings and a handful of comments, good enough.)

So is this some kind of nefarious plot by certain OSers to garner a buncha views for OS to make the numbers look good? At OS request or something? And by nefarious plot I mean harvesting eyeballs, not making leper-skin boots - that's disgusting.

If only it was as innocent as harvesting eyeballs...

Okay, I'll just answer that question so as not to divert this diverted thread.

Jesus couldn't pull out the nails cuz his hands were already nailed to the bloody cross. But considering who his Dad was and all, you think he could've asked for a favour; a little divine intervention if you will.

And oh, I think Kafka was from Prague, which may have been Hungary then, Czech now. I can't keep track of those Eastern Europeans borders, ya know ...

Anyways, I've been bad and must go and pay my penance now.

nan, don't skin any lepers on my account. i'll make do with Keds.

it's really early here but i got a grand total of four hours of sleep last night. plus i'm in the middle of a great book. plus a good friend solved that eyeball-y puzzle thing, so i'm done with that whole bs-ridden bunch of crap [dusting my hands] and feeling grateful. and vindicated.

night night. make some fun happen. i'll read about y'all tomorrow. xoxo

Yeah, like a Czech is any better than a Hungarian. The only more offensive nationality is the Belgians - waffles and Jean Claude Van Damme, that's a legacy that will endure through the ages alright.

G'nite Candace! I'd be interested to hear what the solved eyeballs look like next time you get a chance to email.

nana don't use those tools
to cut yourself down.

early drop out here, I said "ciao"
and spent a few decades
paying for those four little letters.

I waxed cross country skis
with a woman who had a concentration
camp tattoo on her forearm

and put up concrete walls in Germany
with an ex SS officer

banks trawled for sea scallops on the "Corinne W."
with a Vietnam Vet nicknamed "Bear"
(he would grab the monkfish by the eyes
like a bowling ball and hurl them across, slamming
them into the opposite gunwale) Monkfish have jaws
a bit like a small shark, they clamp down like a pitbull.
This brought him enormous relief. Other than that he was
a quiet man.

Picked apples in Ireland.

Helped build a house on the Carolina coast.
Beautiful experience, but a fool's errand. Was witness there, to a "surfer's funeral". The cross survived the pounding grey surf, and the wreath, upon which the ashes had been scattered and set afloat, remained untouched, where it washed up on the shore, for the rest of the winter. He had been the foreman on the job. I had worked with him every day for a month, in cold November rains, until he dropped dead at the age of thirty, just like his father had, apparently.

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc...........................................................................

I've seen some wonderful joinery here. I especially remember a piece,
haiku-like that had nothing more to do, than a simple olive,

on the surface, it seemed...


Saludos Carpentero ~


NB - I meant to stick around a bit longer, but my wife just arrived from Trinidad an hour ago. A long day for her; (four hours) by ferry, then (7 hours) by crazy Venezuelan carrito/por puesto .

I was rather proud of the olive piece. My goal there was to reproduce the essence of Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow in 27 words or less, and, if it's not immodest of me to say so, I feel I largely succeeded :P
And... holy shit. You are without a doubt one of the more interesting, original, creative OSers I've met during my nearly three years hanging around this joint. Thanks Inverted Interrobang.

.. leaves just us then,
& crickets is it.
Candy Mann's asleep ( yeah, right ) & there's a lot of catching up to do - just wanted to say hi, looks like a great party, not so much about the cake - not anything about the bathroom for a change, & lots of goss. I didn't call Candace Candy Mann either.
That would have been you, I think.

Consider me a fucktard, I say it's still very interesting around here, just go to the search ---- type in:

"My mother sold me for crack" Now enjoy!!

What?

More suggestions?

"Tink is having my baby"

ADD: FOR DINNER for an extra tasty recipe.

I have also discovered the current Ed I Tor's favorite flower ===

daisies!!

She likes to put them on the Cover and EP all the posts that include pictures of them.

What do you mean, those are sunflowers?

Damn strangest sunflowers I've ever seen!!!!!!!

What do you mean, trig took some of those photos on the Cover?

DAMN IT TRIG, PUT ON YOUR GLASSES, THOSE WERE DAISIES!!!!

Or rag weed.

Yes, could have been poison ivy I found in my Easter basket last year!!!!

Anyways, back to the fun, excitement --- if you type in 'Cybersex with midgets' in the search, you'll discover a whole range of spam that will not only titalatey or something but make you grow hair on your forehead.

Still searching, Erectile dysfunction, who hasn't searched for that?

Candiru catfish.

Tink did his first post way back when, almost 3 years ago, but the excitement doesn't end there, no way, no how, since then, well, Tink is the only one who ever wrote about that.

Pantyhose as a breathing equipment in deep sea diving operation.

God, who couldn't read about that for months or years.

I'm still going through the "I might be gay, will you go to the prom with me so I can find out?" series written by that off the wall writer, Dink Smallride.

And you guys say this place isn't as interesting as it was years ago!!

Please....I mean, no, there's no awesome Krews like the Gutter Krew or the Overweight Panty Munchers Krew forming anymore. I mean, if the Spammers ever started doing that, I might become very afraid.

"WE THE WATCH PRO FOOTBALL ONLINE STREAMING AND MAKE YOUR PEEPEE BIGGER KREW....FUX WIT US AND GETZ DE HORNS....HTTP://WWW.GRKGFG.COM/BUYSTUFF/EEK.PHP.HORE"

But there's show tunes and groups of actors forming every day.

Dammit. Your virtual party stomped my new post last night. Now I shall weep.

I think Dr. Spudman needs to help me get past the pain of it.

Wouldn't we all love to go out drinking with Candace Mann and Margaret Felke?

Nana, you engender some highly interesting comments threads. It's a skill.

The end.

KIm, the crickets lulled me to sleep not long before you came by. Candy? Now that seems entirely appropriate, though you didn't hear it from me.

I agree, Tink; there's still lots of interesting stuff on OS. There are new OSers coming in all the time with stuff to say worth listening to, though it's not easy to find them in amongst the spam and other detritus. Regarding reptile dysfunction, wouldn't Paxil work as well on a lizard as it does on Uncle Willy who we keep chained up in the basement when people come to visit?

Thank you for dropping by, Keri. I too would love to go out drinking with Candace (Candy as we call her these days) and Margaret (Marjie as she's known to her admirers) but so far they've rejected my invitations to a meet-up at that biker bar out on 24 highway.

~nodding~ The spam sucks I'll admit, but here lately, I've been making friends with the spammers, lovely group, they seemingly like me as well, and want to pay for me to fly to Akabasadanafartana where they are stationed for Big American Party!!! I know, awesome!!! You're invited too. Tell your bro, he's invited as well!!

Just got done reading his latest post and well, he seems down, he needs a trip to far off lands, and get blow jobs from a toothless monkey!!!!

I think a lizard would do well. If it's good enough for Unca's willy, it's good enough for lizards!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

You may be able to heal leopards but I know multiple ways to skin a cat.

And keri, just so you know, maybe Candace has had one but I have never been extended an invitation to a biker bar on Hwy. 24 or on any other highway. Or any other biker bar. Or any bar, biker or otherwise, on any highway.

Me, neither, Margaret, just this virtual bar right cheer in Nanaland. And it takes a lot of virtual slivovitz to get a buzz, lemme tell ya.

I'm here in the DARK of powerless san diego, tapping on my iPad by flashlight. This is sorta cool for the moment, like camping inside your house. There is nothing electric on for 50 miles or more in any direction, so it's insanely quiet. Wait wait. Hear the coyote? Listen again ...

Hey, Kim. Someone *might* have thought up that candy mann thing before, dontcha s'pose? Roy Orbison, I think it was. My parents swear it didn't dawn on them that any teasing would come my way.
Mmm-hmm.

Are you home yet?

Candace, I only get my news from the Sci Fi channel so I guess it's true the first wave of spaceships is now hovering over San Diego, sucking up all the energy and people and also Baconators and those horrible new Wendy's fries with sea salt (that's our secret weapon against them by the way, Wendy's sea salt fries, but we don't know that yet) and that's why you have no power. So good luck and fight the good fight and keep blogging just as long as you possibly can you brave woman! You're like a female Anderson Cooper during Hurricane Katrina.

The only bar in my new town is a biker bar on weekends. C'mon down, up, over.

Damn- I wasn't invited to the original party- and I missed all the fun here. Life's a bitch.

I suppose need to give up on the pathetic shambles of my off line existence and stay connected -typing until my fingers bleed and my eyeballs pop out.

Hi Candace,
I was thinking more Sammy Davis, but Roy's was nice too. That subterfugey thing ...
You have a beautiful name.
I sat next to a kid called Gary Crapp.

well that makes a few of us. what party wasn't we invites to?

Generalissimo, do we need to call out the fuckmuppet army and kick some editorial ass? WHAT WILL IT TAKE EMILY????

what is going on, btw?

I'm always the last to know.
or maybe I forgot.

so I get down here and you people are just being bloody drunken layabouts! see? you artsy types can never keep it together very long.

someone's gonna lose an eye. mark my words.

monkey, my dear friend, you are so far outta the info loop that it would be impossible to explain. you were riding that gorgeous horse while shit was being flung, or maybe it was later but who cares. just ignore the facts and join in the fun.

but mostly this is a nighttime slosh over here, so you're not likely to get a rise out of any of us until [yawn] later.

but one thing you're gonna have to keep straight or i'll write it with a sharpie on your knuckles: the fuckmuppets are **the other guys**.
big kiss, your pal candy. :)

Maybe Salon found out you are a Teabagging Republican mole trying to sow your fascist views among our progressive community ... you'll not fooling anyone! The word is out about you and your neo con nazi tactics to infiltrate thissite! Shame, shame, shame !

Go back to Crawford Texas where you belong sucking on the tit of the Baby Bush.

CANDACE, THANK GOD, YOU WEREN'T SCOOPED UP BY THE ALIEN BRAINSUCKERS FROM TAU CETI III WHEN THEY HARVESTED THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF SAN DIEGO AND PART OF EL CAJON EVEN THOUGH THE PEOPLE THERE ARE KIND OF TACKY!!!

By the way, why hasn't anyone posted about that yet? You'd think millions of people having their brains sucked out would make the news. Oh, wait, there's no tie-in with 9/11; kpffft on it then.

Brigadier Monkey, when I remember what's going on you'll be the first to know. :P In the meantime keep your powder dry and for the love of God avoid Southern California.

Kim, did you sit by that Crapp fellow recently? Where were you both sitting, and why? Was there a conversation?

Ian, we type our fingers to the bone and what do we get? Bony fingers, that's what, and the sure knowledge that with every poignant, insightful sentence we're changing the world for the better.

Keri, I'm on my way! Do they serve apple-tinis there?

Tink, can I come to Akabasadanafartana with you? I want to have a few words with sdgffghsdgffgh.

It's OK Marjie, Candace survived, though obviously she's somewhat traumacized.

Look, man:
Man to man:
DON’T GO TO Akabasadanafartana!
My best friend’s girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend went there on a high school trip.
They came back very different, especially this one guy, Gary, who moved back with
his mom & dad upon re entry to Amerika, and is now being served his dinner
(he only eats one meal a day)
through a window overlooking the outdoor pool, which he used to love frolicking in
like a fucking dolphin, but no more….

Thank you for your concern James, but I'm certain Tink wouldn't let that happen to me. Due to his familiarity with so-called "flush" toilets he's revered almost as a god by the Akabasadanafartanians and also I know from what happened to Persephone not to eat the pomegranate seeds while I'm there. Then again, I knew not to eat fish tacos from the street vendors in Tijuana yet look what happened, so maybe you're onto something here. Whatever happens I'll definitely be wearing my Kevlar boxer shorts.

Yea, it's all good, we're all going to that god forbidding asshole of a country and goin' to have indoor plumbing and good drugs!!!!

That no good son of a flea bitten bag of kitty chowder will protect us, hopefully, so James, Nana, and all you others, pack your bags, we leave tonight, two tickets to Paradise, or some other shit!!!

Damn left handed right speaking carpet baggers trying to get us to move to Texas and fornicate with G.W. Bush, you're invited too!!!

God bless the USA and 9/11 is when I lost my virginity to a Hoover vac!!!

it was *all* of el cajon and part of "el centro" which is a jillion miles east of san diego over the mountains on the way to that godforsaken blip of yuma, AZ. where the SDG&E employee just *happened* to flip the switch that cut the power to four million people.

big news is that the switch-flipper is from Akabasadanafartana. or maybe that he's going to be sent to Akabasadanafartana. i can't remember especially with my brain sucked out.

and all that means is that the TSA is now going to put all our names on the No Fly list until we can correctly pronounce "Akabasadanafartana." so we are all staying home indefinitely.

james, i want to hear more about the dolphin thing.

It's settled then; we're all going to Akabasadanafartana! We're going to need a *lot* of penicillin...

Hey, did you maniacs do something with Tom Cordle? He's gone!

Tom's already gone to Akabasadanafartana and didn't wait for us!

Myriad, I'm afraid I have bad news about tom. He has a penicillin allergy and we lost him to anaphylactic shock when we were vaccinating everyone before the pool party. Unless he's hiding in the pantry. Want me to look?

Candace - what's in the pantry, pants? or just lots of green slimy raw penicillin?

Nope, just the coconut cream soap, the bota bags and the Ashtafasafarians. We used to have some tequila. I remember those days, the tequila days, with such fondness. (sigh)

Hope the aliens haven't kidnapped him. I'm going to bed now, and hope to wake up to find the world back to normal (or back to how it was pre-Tom-disappearance...)

night night, myr.

great, just great. myriad heads off to the nest and now we've lost nana.
~shuffling down the hall~
maybe i'll look in the pantry.

whoa.

I don't know how that got in there, but whatever you do don't startle it.

Candace, Hi... it's quite rare, the structure,

possibly Olmec. I believe the accent would be on the fourth syllable from the end...

(except on words ending with xox).

*nana, I'm afraid Pynchon got the better of me...
and still chasing after rainbows.

I enjoyed “Gravity’s Rainbow.” Reading it was sort of like taking mescaline then watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show at a wake thrown for Ernest Hemingway by the military/industrial complex.

argh..pynchon best read in literary critic capsule,
like that old damn sexist jew HAROLD BLOOM in
his "genius" wherein he adores this fucker.

gravity's rainbow i will never read.
i will read the synopsis only.

time is so so short. the world hinges on how we use
our damn time,
is the
only f-ing lesson
Time has taught me.

to be...yes...adhd...

like what we are breeding, what tis all about,
the children.hm.

see/i love the chidren. i am loveable.

?

i turn Marx on his head,
for revenge for Hegel, whom he turned on his head.

so are we right sid e up?


...................................
marx said=philosophy is about action.

CHANGE THE WORLD!

damn fool.

..................................
i say; "philosophy is action, but action begins with thought"

thus: philosophy begins with thought.
also,

literature is universalized & simultaneously
INDIVIDUALIZED
philosophy,
the skeleton of the dead queen of the sciences
given
lovely succulent
erotic
insatiable
flesh again.

see blake.

sorry to bother. i am on fire.

not literally. literally i a m a buddhist ballbuster indifferent
fucker.

Anyway ( James ) last time I sat next to Gary Crapp was in sixth grade & there wasn't much conversation due to him being sort of traumatised by the moniker but he was good at math - I think he's an accountant - good luck to him, I say, a little late but who knows ? he may be lurking on this very page ...
( Hi Gary ! Remember me ? No ? Do I want you to do my tax ? Are you f'n serious ? )
Gary Crapp ?? !

Yeah James, but you're our buddhist ballbuster indifferent
fucker and we love ya for it.

Kim, I can well imagine Gary was traumacized; let's hope he's found peace since those difficult years. Speaking of traumacized, I once crapped my pants in first grade, and not just a little bit either.

I said he he was traumatised, not circumcised - we never really got that close, so I don't know about that ( this reminds me of the whole aerosol discussion ) bit - but since we're going there anyway, how much was it ? I mean, was it heaps ?
What did the teacher do ? Was there a shovel ?

The teacher handled it pretty well I think, though to be honest I was more focused on my predicament than on how other people were holding up. I don't remember a shovel, though the janitor did make an appearance at some point. Everything was kind of a blur really, though I'll never forget the horror in Martha Olvera's eyes as the smell engulfed her.

Where you both forever known as the boy who?

oh good god, are we back to you crapping your pants? What happened to your last post? I'm getting to meet your bro in Oct!!

Oddly, no. I think it occurred early enough in my grade school career, and at a time when enough of my peers were also still struggling not to defecate in class, that I came through with my reputation unscathed.

Back to me crapping my pants? Have I told this story before? You may be thinking of a different event, I have several pant-crappinng anecdotes.

And yeah, Trig said something about contacting you when he goes up that way for Eli's boot camp graduation thingy. I'm jealous. :(

Martha Olvera probably never made a full recovery either.
I was lucky - I got Linda Bicknell. When they brought me back from the washroom she smiled her trademark crinkly-eyed smile & made room for me on the floor beside her.
Whenever I smell Phenol I think of her.
She's still got it too, that crinkly eyed smile, 55 years later, bless her.
Rita I'm damn proud to be known as one of the boys who.

People like Linda B. can make all the difference in such situations, and I like the way the phrase "one of the boys who" leaves things nicely open-ended. I prefer to think of it as "one of the boys who recovered fairly well from a mortifyingly public discharging of his bowels."

I hear crickets. DANG. And this thread was really starting to rock-n-roll, what with the pants-pooping stories and all.

I know, right? I'm still puzzled that more people haven't come by to share poop stories. :(

Yowza!!
I'm feeling a little seduced there, L'heure.
What a gorgeous rear end you have!
Such beauty in your dancing...I see why Nana couldn't help himself. : )