The third beer.
More specificly, third pint of Western Reserve Amber Ale.
Danny was waiting for the inevitable.
Seth to start pontificating. Tonight's subject writing:
Writing about sex is like writing about wine.
No one wants to drink wine that literally has any taste of citrus, oak or butter. They want wine that tastes like it is made from grapes.
And really, who gives a fuck. Outsource it. Get the wine pairing. That's what you're paying for, right?
People want to drink the stuff, not read about it.
Writing about sex. It's all good until you get to anything involving friction. Then the optimal strategy - punt.
The pallet of words -- turgid, quivering, &c. -- used up.
It's already been done as well as it can be done, by the best writers in history. Not only that, but it has also been butchered by the best writers in history.
Ok. Ok. That line from the Godfather, "she could suck you off like a water pump."
Then there is the ick factor.
Anything involving fluids.
Viscous? You are either describing motor oil or are over the line.
The whole fluid exchange is the crux of the matter, and you have to just let it go.
So, basically, here's what you gotta do....
The seduction part -- heavily trod ground -- but still potential. New angle. Back story. Two back stories. Stories of those betrayed, etc.
Like a fucking Rubik's Cube. A zillion possibilities.
And afterwards, maybe. You can't just have them light up anymore. Maybe a little pillow talk. But only if essential.
Bottom line: There are fifty ways to fuck up. If you can think of 25, you're a genius. And you ain't no genius.
Jesus. You just ripped that off from Body Heat.
Of course. That's the only other strategy. Steal.
You might have to change a few words, but not many.
and yes, I said yes I will Yes.
Leave out one of the yesses. Or add one. Or whatever. You're the creative guy.
But your examples. They are both pre friction.
I rest my case.
Nother beer?
Check.
Gotta go Seth. Early morning.
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asia rein
Chicago Guy
CatholicGirl
M. C. S.
STATHI STATHI
Kasia Pater
Salon.com
Comments
Though I appreciate the sentiment, I have ta' say a tasting note writer, quite a few people do want to read about wine, at minimum something helpful on the back of the bottle. I'll depart from the standard: Tropical notes of pineapple and papaya leap from the glass. A hint of clove on the nose. Smooth, dry and round on the palate leading to lingering finish. Enjoy with your favourite Asian or fusion dish.
I'll go instead for: Try this wine with a good friend on a bear skin rug in front of a roaring fire. Add a pinch of herb (if you wish). Goes well with some early Rolling Stones as a musical backdrop. Enjoy!
Wine is a fluid. And not that there isn't good wine writing.
I do care about the finish.
Really.
i loved this piece. maybe more for the frustration than anything else, but it's still great. :)
As far as synonyms, I would avoid the Grand Canyon.
FLW -- Without fluids, life itself would be impossible. I'd be interested in how you would work it into your second career.
FFAKAC - Agree. I generally fade out prior to friction.
Nother beer.
Liked this one Nick. I also like Scarlett's wine descriptions, making my mouth water, uh oh is that fluids?
Rated for pillow talk!
R - mouth watering? OK. Not a problem.
Scanner -- Humor can salvage a lot of marginal writing. Definitely.
Pilgrim -- Gotta keep current with the zeitgeist, no?
Tai -- in veno veritas tends to kick in between the second and third, in my limited experience. But then, not so much In my limited experience.
Marissa -- Then you would especially love my 110 page novella -- In the Moment.
I guess it has the word "grape" in it, at least.