SANTA FACT NUMBER ONE:
Sorry to burst your collective bubble, but the truth is Santa Claus, the REAL Santa Claus is a NY local. Yeah, he's relocated to the North Pole but Brooklyn people are always relocating and then making a career out of whining that here's no place is as good as Brooklyn. Look at the Dodgers. And me. Once Brooklyn, Always Brooklyn.
He comes out of his N Pole seclusion, does the big hoopla Thanksgiving Day parade and then mosey's on over to Macy's or some other big name dept store somewhere for a couple of days, booting out the fake Santa, and giving some other kids a shot at the real deal. When I was a kid it was the same thing. Santa Claus made his annual HQ on Fulton Street at A&S Dept Store in Brooklyn.
BONUS!! FACT: during the late 60s/early 70s when I took my kids to visit with Santa at A&S, there was a duplex staging situation at play at Santa HQ.
Fact: A&S had TWO Real Santas at the same time:
there was the classic Coca Cola/Bing Crosby/White Christmas Caucasian Santa Claus.
and on the other side of the top floor, the soon to be classic, totally cool, very Brooklyn happening, African American Santa Claus.
ADDITIONAL BONUS!! FACTS: 1. Both were Real Santas. 2. Both were attended by racially matching elves.
I have to laugh looking back that it never occurred to anyone to mix and match and let the wild and crazy freak colors fly. But no way! The tentative tippy toes testing the waters of racial equality were proceding via the most politely structured path possible, offering a sensitive and balanced - black Santa this way, white Santa that way - and I think in retrospect, the entire thing was inspiring and fun for everyone and even a little daring.
Guess which Santa my boys got to visit with? you got it! Why? you might ask.
Well, this was my logic: I figured in that one special moment when they came face to face, my kid would look up and not see black Santa but he would see plain old Santa Claus - mano a minimano and he'd smile and whisper his secret Christmas wish and in that moment accept that goodness and magic has nothing to do with skin color. And maybe he'd grow up a little bit different, a little less ordinary, and hopefully be a little bit more of a believer in all people and all possibility.
oh....by the way....I think this is where I get to puff up and mention: guess who my sons voted for in the last presidential election even though at the time, they were both repulsive Bushie conservatives? Yes, you are CORRECTAMENTO! Mama and America won! I think I can safely thank our Santas of Diversity!
FACT: Brooklyn had the Real Santas. So we didn't get James Brown and we didn't get Phil Everly and his boozed up dog, either.
SANTA FACT NUMBER TWO:
All over the world there are about a million zillion Santa's Helpers: parents, step parents, grand parents, grown ups in general might be called Santa's official AdminA's, which explains why we're really the ones who do the running, buying, wrapping. We have been conscripted to the myth. So we may pay the bills but the Fat Man runs the Show. We know from our own childhoods no screwups will be tolerated, severe fines of guilt and lifetime recrimination to any grownup who screws the pooch and messes up their kid's holiday gig. Kids BELIEVE and not for nothing! We of Santa's ARMY have Santa's BACK!
There came the day I had to explain "the truth" to my sons, when they began hinting about the reality of Santa, the "illogic" of Santa being everywhere. It was time for "the TALK" (The first one. The other BIG TALK came later).
I explained, "OKay. You're big so we can talk real! You're right. Santa can't exactly be EVERYwhere! That would be just silly. You're not little kids so here it is: Santa is a REAL person and we grownups gotta help him. We get to be his official helpers. But don't underestimate Santa -he's calling ALL the shots! We get our orders directly from him. So don't even be talking that 'Santa is not real' shit, thank you very much. HE is LISTENING! Okay?"
That held the situation another couple of years. Kids want to believe. I've seen it time and again, someone tells a kid "the truth", it never makes them happy. Deny Deny Deny! Let their lousy friends tell them. Remember you're own sad day of reckoning.
That held the situation another couple of years. Kids want to believe. I've seen it time and again, someone tells a kid "the truth", it never makes them happy. Deny Deny Deny! Let their lousy friends tell them. Remember you're own sad day of reckoning.
*FACTY MONKEY ADDENDUM: To this day, I do not engage in discussions or back and forths with either adult or child as to whether or not Santa Claus Is A Real Person. I'm not baking and going forth to stores and malls and searching obscure websites for wish list items while laying out money I don't have so I can wrap too many gifts and shlep them over to someone's house to debate the veracity of Santa with any of these knuckleheads. Whoever is stupid enough to bring it up knows they will get my best stanky stone eye, along with this standard reply: SANTA IS REAL! WHADDAYOU NUTS?! WHEN ARE WE EATING?
SANTA FACT NUMBER THREE:
Unfortunately due to A&S closing some years ago, Santa is presently HQ'd over in Jersey Gardens Mall in Elizabeth. The rents are over the top since Brooklyn gentrified, Manhattan has been totally out of the question for years, nobody could find him in Queens and the Bronx is just too close to Westchester. But he ain't about to park his sleigh and HQ in Sheboigan either, economy or no economy.
SANTA FACT NUMBER FOUR:
Just LOOK at Santa for God's sake. This is a razzle dazzle man! S0 reality check time: Brooklyn. New York. That's where he's from, that's where he'll always be from, nomatter where he may temporarily hang his furry hat. Santa is Brooklyn, New York to the core! LAMF!
Merry Christmas!
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Alysa Salzberg
keri h
roberto luigi
Andrea Wainer
daisyjane
Just An0ther 2 Cents
Salon.com
Comments
Lezlie
Santa is Brooklyn. LAMF!
Santa is from Canada! His headquarters was ALWAYS at Eaton's Department Store in Toronto - ALWAYS!!!!
And when he's not in his shop at Eaton's, he's just a few steps away at the North Pole. See that touque he wears on his head? Canadian to the core. You'd better not even TRY to tell me he can find reindeer in the US - it is to laugh!! (ha ha)
(Elves you got, that I'll gives ya. Cuties too!)
.
Hey baby...This is AMERICA!