Noni The Intern

Blogs & Bikinis For Texamerica's Secession

Noni The Intern

Noni The Intern
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
July 04
Title
intern
Company
xcuse2party
Bio
Rush Limbaugh is GOD and I am his prophet. My idols are Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin. My favorite writer is Peggy Noonan. I am like the opposite of Joan Walsh except I'm like female, too. I think Stephan Colbert is real and he's just fooling ya'll like a Victor/Victoria thing.

MY RECENT COMMENTS

Noni The Intern's Links

New list
NOVEMBER 20, 2009 10:02AM

Are You Smart Enough?

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Seems like lots of guys I meet want to join my TexAmerica movement. They say they want to move there with me after our secession succeeds. And every damn one of them invites me up to their apartment to talk about it. But after a couple of… Read full post »
32 Comments
NOVEMBER 17, 2009 4:55AM

Yer Invited To My Drive-By Shootin’ Party

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Noni_DriveByShootingR2Back home in the Lone Star State, we support gun rights. We give props to the NRA with t-shirts, bumper stickers, loud bar talk, and louder songs on the jukebox. Here in New York City, nobody does none of that. You can’t even make a “pry my cold dead fingers”… Read full post »

20 Comments
NOVEMBER 15, 2009 3:54AM

Get Ready! It's Sadie Hawkins Day!

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Sadie Hawkins Day is my favorite holiday. Ef'n us gals catches our man today we gets to do whats we want with them and they gots to do what we say. Now, back in Al Capp's Lil Abner comic strip, the man had to marry the gal. Marry? Gulp!/… Read full post »
24 Comments
NOVEMBER 14, 2009 6:12AM

The Noni Half Ass Diet

Noni_Tshirt_backI just dumped my latest soulmate. As ya'll know, a lady doesn't dump a gentleman she's invested training time into for only one reason, unless that reason is like he's fixin' to become a transsexual, a priest or a Democrat. Or secretly, he is already is one.

My research into dumpology… Read full post »

24 Comments
NOVEMBER 4, 2009 7:23AM

Is It Racist For A Whitie To Go To A P-Diddy Party?


Today is the birthday of a that great humanitarian and fine dresser Sean "New NickName of The Week" Combs. Mr. Combs made it up the ladder from dealer to artist to record producer to starbanger to businessman to club owner to dude with his own cable tv show.

14 Comments
NOVEMBER 3, 2009 8:37AM

Guy Cooking At Its Worst

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Guy is such a guy that he measures his ingredients in shot glasses, and times his cooking depending on how many pints it takes to cook. He’s probably the worst cook in the world which is why he’s only got an internet show. But it's a show where I’m promised… Read full post »

11 Comments
OCTOBER 30, 2009 9:53AM

Do Ya’all Really Wanna Live in the USSA?

TexAmerica-border

Yeah, P.Bam and Pelosi are turning America into the United Socialist States of America. 

noni_palin_t-shirt-198x400In the USSA, ya'll have Healthcare where you have to choose a guy gynecologist!  There'll be mandatory death panels on our walls. The United Socialist States of America will me/… Read full post »

34 Comments
OCTOBER 22, 2009 9:58AM

How Can My Dog Be So Dumb? And Still Be Way Smarter Than Me?

MiniStBernardIzzy3months2-1It has become like Waterford clear that I don't own a dog. He owns me.

He's got me wrapped around his paw. I'm totally conditioned like someone who can't miss Glenn Beck. Depending on his whimper, which he's trained me to understand, I leap into action — mostly taking… Read full post »
15 Comments
OCTOBER 20, 2009 8:05AM

Tonight I Become A Vampire Like Ann Coulter

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It's Bela Lugosi's birthday. So tonight, I'm going to a party — a "You Vant To Suck My What?" party.
 
It's in Alphabet City where the goths and wannavees mix with the real deal. And this hot vampire guy wants to bite me.

If it's like last year,… Read full post »
17 Comments
OCTOBER 18, 2009 6:36AM

The South Will Rise Again — Today!

Noni_TrailerParkParty
 
As all true daughters of the south know (when they are reminded by their mothers) that on October 18, 1767, the Mason-Dixon Line was aligned — separating the damn Yankees from the good old good olds. And in 1925, the marvelous Grand Ole Opry radio show first hit the… Read full post »
60 Comments
OCTOBER 17, 2009 9:22AM

WannaBs & Used2Bs, You Can't Get There From Here!

noni_intern_green_transIt's an either /or dilemma thang.
 
I'm sorry, but ya'll don't have enough experience. I'm sorry, but I can't tell why we won't hire you, because we're damn sure you would sue us for age discrimination.

In school I learned certain genetic traits skip a generation.  I… Read full post »
9 Comments
OCTOBER 16, 2009 11:40AM

The Perfect Place To Poop — And Other Dogscoveries

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I am a “dog person” and it seems I am becoming more so all the time.

 In our daily smellventures, Dildog, my toy St. Bernard who refuses to carry even the smallest brandy keg, takes the lead and I mosey along beside and behind — providing security and pickup… Read full post »

12 Comments
OCTOBER 9, 2009 8:49AM

I Can't Believe Ya'All Believed A Damn Thang I Done Said

noni_palin_t-shirt-198x400I don't exist. Well, I'm as real as a dead dawg in a doorway, but "Noni The Intern" is a parody.
 
Noni represents a really stupid idea, which is Secession, and the really naive people who believe it. And the dumocrats who have mostly lost their sense of… Read full post »
45 Comments
OCTOBER 8, 2009 8:40AM

Psychotic GOP Plot Exposed By Plotter!

All of my commenters seem to want me to expose more, so I will.

Yes, I am the plotter and this is a goodun that might even get me in the GOP Dirty Tricks Hall Of Fame. Or at least a seat on the podium with Dick Armey… Read full post »

11 Comments
OCTOBER 6, 2009 9:04PM

The Brer Rabbit Plan For Afghanistan

It's up to me to cogitate a solution to the war in Afghanistan for the sake of Texamerica. Because I'm pretty sure us Republican patriots won't be able to secede if America is in the middle of a never-ending war we don't know how to pay for.
 
The Republicans and Dumocrats… Read full post »
14 Comments
OCTOBER 6, 2009 8:05AM

Why I Hope Obama Doesn't Just Be White

If Barack did opt in as a chalkcasian, then us Republicans might like him better, and we wouldn't want to form our own country, and Texamerica would be S.O.L.. So he shouldn't, but I don't understand why he didn't b4 already.

Barack Obama could be Irish. Like Charlie Sheen, who… Read full post »
12 Comments
OCTOBER 5, 2009 8:45AM

Why My Dog Is A GOPer

My dog  is not a GOPer just cause I named him GIPPER after the greatest Republican since Julius Caesar.  

BTW, so I could spell it, I looked up Caesar's name on Wikipedia and found out his full name was Gaius Julius Caesar, which is like having Hussein as a… Read full post »
17 Comments
OCTOBER 4, 2009 6:57AM

A Song For Secession & A Flag & Bikini

texamerican Flag and flag girl Noni

This blogup was going to be all about the Texamerica Flag I designed myownself, and the deep psychological symbolism of the spunky armadillo and freedom, and my choice of for a golden Lone Star instead of a white one. 
 
I was going to write all about the song… Read full post »
30 Comments
OCTOBER 3, 2009 5:18AM

TexAmerica Can Secede. I Looked It Up.

This is really me, wanting your vote for Vice PresidentThe Texas Constitution and the Oklahoma Congress say we can secede. Really, I read up on it on the internets. (BTW: I was spelling suceed and sucede and succede all wrong b4 because I got it mixed up with spelling success, and if we are going to form our own country, we… Read full post »

22 Comments
OCTOBER 2, 2009 8:54AM

When Secession Succeeds

Noni The InternWe’re fixing to have our own Conservative Country which is sweet, but there are problems. But as my Uncle Snake said, “problems are just opportunities wearing too much makeup,” which I never really understood until now.

You can’t just start up a new country like it was… Read full post »

11 Comments
OCTOBER 1, 2009 11:06AM

Remember The Alamode!

We can have our cake and eat our ice cream, too. I mean righteous, right-thinking people who think right like me, and you others, too.

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I figure it this way. A while ago I was lying in bed watching some Fair and Balanced News, and thinking about Texas Governor… Read full post »

9 Comments