You can’t just start up a new country like it was a backyard barbeque with an invitation list, a butchered hog, a mess of potato salad, and a six dozen cases of Shiner. It takes intelligent planning. So to get our new country started righteously, I did some intelligizing.

First off, we need a name for our country. It should be dignified and special and easy to rhyme to, and work with a dot com at the end of it. And look good on my t-shirt. But then almost anything looks good on my t-shirt. And it should be easy to spell.

I like the sound of the New Republic Of Texas. But maybe God’s Republic of Texas would be better in case we need Him on our side when we start our first war which should be within 90 days of starting up our country. I’m thinking Mexico is ripe for the pickings. If Dick Cheney saddles up with us, he can help decide.

Now, Texamerica also has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? And Texamerica let’s us feel like real Americans, which we are, of course. It’s the rest of America that isn’t American anymore.

Then we need something to wave, and to wrap ourselves in, and to wear on our lapels and to salute at, and put on my t-shirt. The Lone Star Texas flag is pretty pretty. The Confederate battle flag is awesome with like symbology and history. But I think our new righteous republic should have our own personal original flag. Maybe like made of cowhide with bluejean stars and sequins sewn on — which I have a mini-skirt just like.

The National Anthem is important. For temporary and transitional like for Sarah Palin’s inauguration, I think we should change lyrics to Lee Greenwood’s song to “I’m Proud To Be Texamerican” Then we could take our time and get a real anthem written by anybody but the Dixie Chicks, who I’m still mad at.

The National symbol should be an armadillo, and not a jackalope, but maybe we’ll tell the Yankees that it’s the jackalope just for grins and giggles.

I’m pretty sure the national bird should be a Condor, which is like an eagle, but bigger and more kick-ass. I don’t think people need to know a condor is really a big vulture, do you?

Our Constitution should be written by Antonin Scalia, Sean Hannity, Rick Perry and Dick Armey and that dancer they call the Hammer that has a D-name. Oh, and we need those two cute blonde lawyer babes from FoxNews that you can tell that Bill O’Reilly really wants to loofah. I think Megan Kelly is one. I don’t remember the name of the other, but she’s blonde, too, only older than Megan, and Bill doesn’t want to loofah her as much.

Our Declaration of Righteous Independence should be written by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh with punctuation by Michelle Bachman and emoticons by the young cute Tucker guy with the bowtie who really sucked on Dancing With The Stars awhile back. The whole declaration could be explained to everyone by Glenn Beck using his blackboard.

The new National’s Capital should be in Lubbock, or somewheres in West Texas where there is plenty of room to expand. I’ve inherited same land out there that my great-great-great-great grandaddy stole from the Mexicans and Indians, and it’d be perfecto.

There’s a lot more to do, of course. But I think that’s almost too much intelligizing for one little old blog, don’t you?

But there’s plenty more to do. And you’ve got to help.

Really, I mean it.

Just in case you'all missed my first secession post which will help you not be as confused as I am sometimes, read Remember The Alamode