Back home in the Lone Star State, we support gun rights. We give props to the NRA with t-shirts, bumper stickers, loud bar talk, and louder songs on the jukebox. Here in New York City, nobody does none of that. You can’t even make a “pry my cold dead fingers” joke and have anybody get it. Boy, are these city folk backward.

Nobody I’ve talked to here even knew that today represents a Cultural Milestone. On November 17, 1871, the National Rifle Association was granted a charter by the State of New York.

I didn’t know until I read about this NRA Day in Wikipedia, but New Yorkers (even Puerto Ricans) have a constitutional right to buy recreational guns in order to protect themselves by shooting varmints — or, as it was back at that time when the charter was granted, the Irish who need not apply.

I think this historic day is well worth celebrating, maybe by shootin’ something or lotsa somethings. I gotta admit I am real lonely for a nice armadillo hunt from the back of my uncle-cousin’s pickup truck. But here in NYC, we don’t have hardly any pickups or no ‘dillos what-so-ever. We do have plenty of two legged varmints who are worth a shot or two: commies, illegal aliens, preverts, abortionists, Yankee fans, transvestites, ACLUers, employee of MSNBC, and editors of OS who ain't never given me an EP — all of which I think is a plenty good ‘nuff reason for a Rad Road-Rage Romp thru the streets of NYC.

I think it’s a gonna be more fun than a video game rated M for Massacre — which ain’t hardly violent enuff for us hardcore NRA members looking to demonstrate our Constitutional Rights.

First thing I’m fixing to do is to score myself the right ride for runnin' and gunnin'. Maybe I can get me a convertible pimpmobile so I blend in with the natives as I cruise 125^th Street looking for Bill Clinton. A pickup with double gun rack would be sweet, but what I wouldn’t give for a Hummer with rear mounted ordinance. I may have to settle for a rented limo with a sun roof, if'n I can find me the right driver.

I’ve got my favorite NRA bumper sticker to put on the back. It says "Guns Don't Kill People, I Do." I’ve got it in Spanish, too, which is for the front bumper and is what we like to call back home, “Fair Warning!” Momma gave me them both.  Ain’t she a pisser?

I think for a party like this, ya’all want all the firepower you can handle. Because you don't know who else is throwing the same kind of party, and you don't want to be under-gunned when this soiree gets a’crackin'. Take at least one semi-automatic, a scatter gun, and maybe an AT4 which is a shoulder mounted rocket specifically designed for urban warfare, and works real good inside a building, like if you crash into a big atrium just for shit and giggles.

If you want to join in, the route you choose is important. Avoid Precinct Houses at all costs. After that it’s as easy as cussin’ Obama. Just drive by what ain't your turf, picking off varmints and Democrats as you go.

At end of night, the shooters with the most hits should win money for an attorney from the other partiers. But don't bungee-cord no trophies to the hood. That requires a permit in New York City.

Remember: the NRA is for all of us. Shooters and Varmints alike.

I really mean it.