Seems like lots of guys I meet want to join my TexAmerica movement. They say they want to move there with me after our secession succeeds. And every damn one of them invites me up to their apartment to talk about it. But after a couple of skull sessions, I decided that some of them just want to get into my jeans, and I don't think just anybody should be allowed to join the movement — not unless they can pass the TexAmerican Litmus Test.
Please answer the following questions to find out if you are qualified to be a Texamerican.
Do you believe when a sperm gets lucky with the egg, that a human being is formed with the more rights than any fckin Muslim Terrorist? Or the same rights?
Do you think Obama is an illegal alien, put here to destroy America? Or is he here to open the door for rule by the UN? Or is his lack of a birth certificate hiding some far more nefarious reason?
Do you believe that Glenn Beck's special insights into America should be taught to third graders? Or should his daily lessons wait for middle school?
Do you think in extraterristrials visiting us in UFOs are good guys or bad guys?
Which is more real? Angels, vampires, or Global Warming?
Do you believe Global Warming is a hoax by scientists to get more funding? Or is it a hoax to give other countries a chance to destroy American industry?
Do you think fiscal conservatism demands the government should stop spending during a bad recession? Or do we need a tax cut? Or do we need to start another war?
Do you think praying for your favorite sports team will affect the outcome? By how many points?
Do you believe Gitmo terrorist should stay there to keep America safer? Or after we water-board them, if we are sure they committed acts of terror, they should be summarily executed?
Do you believe that if TexAmerica embraces core conservative values, a new Ronald Reagan will appear to lead the new country to greatness? Or will Sarah Palin do it herownself without a male leader?
Do you believe when God rested on the seventh day he watched NFL football, listened to the angelic choir, or smoked reefer and listened to country music?
When you die, does your dog or cat have to have led a good life to join you in heaven? Or is it your life that matters?
Do you believe Sarah Palin is being persecuted by the liberal media because she has better judgement than Barack Obama? Or because liberal women journalists are jealous of her? Or just because she's hot?
If you have answered all these questions and wonder if you got the answers right, it doesn't really matter what you answered, you are qualified to be a TexAmerican.
I really mean it.
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Noni, I'd gladly follow you to TexAmerica or any other imaginary (fantasy?) place you wanna go.
GuyGrubGuy, are you in the CIA?
Ocular, I don't care about cats, but if my dog can't come to heaven with me, it won't be heaven.
Michael, TexAmerica ain't a fantasy, it's the future. Global Warming is the fantasy.
Christian Heaven=no sex at all
Yeah, I think that right there is enough to make ME convert to Islam
I was initiated into Texification when in Dallas one night I made pokety-poke to a fine Texas lady - Texas Style.
I figgered out - in the end - that Texas Style is when ya both face south, towards the Alamo and Austin.
Do ya have plans for the Thanksgivin' weekend?
Okay then...waiting for the stuffing jokes to begin...
:-)
But anyway, I have said before that if prayer really worked, then all football games would end in a tie.
So that we have in common.
So it's official, a woman on OS thinks you're funny. Now go get me a cup of coffee...but before you do, do you think these jeans make my butt look big?
R
I thought "Which is more real? Angels, vampires, or Global Warming?"was particularly well done, how the way we ask the question itself prevents a useful answer while giving legitimizing stupid ideas.
It made me reread the post and think about it as a commentary about questions. E.g., "Do you believe Gitmo terrorist should stay there to keep America safer?"
The asking of the question itself is the totality of the discourse. The answers run the gamut and are superfluous to the work of this type of question and rendered wholly personal. We hear the questions on the news, at the water cooler, rhetorically on the Senate floor, and even during presidential debates. And the answers never matter. Whether my interpretation was on the money or I'm exercising a reader's prerogative to go over the deed end with something, the result remains the same: Loved it. -e
Rated. -e
The more I thought about it the more you had going. Totally impressed. Again, awesome, very very smart, work.
-e
American. How do you know i anwered i these questioned right?
because i don't question how i answered them...
these questions ar e not tricky..i sat here in a mode of
ultimate masculine (albeit nothern) virility,
channelling the demigod Lincoln..
with Lincoln there is no suitable argument. For anything.He'd h ave
some fine intersteing opinions on ms palin.Yet i wish i
could imagine their private chat togethr,
commander to cmmandr..
My bad. :)
I thought this was a funny, head-spinning post.
rated
What's the matter; U.T. ain't good enough for ya? Huh? Do they even play football at that fancy-pants Yankee university where y'all are going?
Mmph.
littlewillie — you're right. smart has nothing to do with it, or I wouldn't be allowed in
Whoreville Bedicrocker — i can't spell suceed, seceed, or secede neither.
LadyMiko — anyone who thinks of sex when reading these questions is our kinda people.
Natalie K. Munden — as long as your head doesn't spin all the way around in a 360 you should be ok
Douglas Moran first — I'm sorry, but there's too much good music in Austin to put a wall around it and let Yankees in
Douglas Moran second — I been hooked by horns too many times down there to comment on UT
embracing them into our culture...
of secret, degrading, humiliating initiations..
like g.h.w.bush at skull & bones at yale..
they are one of us now!
Why are the G-spot and female ejaculation linked?
The urethral sponge tissue also contains between 30 and 40 paraurethral glands and ducts (para just means "near"). These glands are thought to be responsible for the production of the fluid some females ejaculate. During ejaculation, this fluid flows from the glands through the ducts into the urethra before finally making its escape out of the body.
How do I find my G-spot?
It's not difficult to find—just a bit awkward. Slide a finger inside your vagina, palm facing up, as if you're trying to touch your tummy. Next, hook it around slightly forward. Aim about two to three inches inside and feel for slightly ridged tissue on the front wall; it almost feels like a softer version of the front of the roof of your mouth. The G-spot responds best to a "come here" motion, where you pull your fingers over the area. Pay attention to what you're feeling, as well as what you're feeling for. It may feel more sensitive than other areas. Experiment with different strokes, and don't be scared to use firm, hard pressure: It's not as skittish as the touchy clitoris. The more aroused you are, the more the area will swell and the easier it will be to feel.
There's a reason why women tend to stick to clitoral orgasms during masturbation. To give yourself a G-spot orgasm, you have to twist your arm into a weird position and it's not exactly comfy. Which is why if you really want to give it a go, it's a good idea to cheat. (Keep reading and I'll tell you how!)