I don't have a dog, but pain is an outstanding excuse and I'll be using it today! 

About 3 and a half month ago I was diagnosed with de Quervain's disease (also known as the fisherwoman's disease!), in my right wrist, and elbow epidoncylitis.  Both are versions of tendonitis.  The symptoms were very simple.  My wrist and elbow hurt like Hell, and I couldn't really support myself on my hand without uttering a string of filthy words (much to the perverse enjoyment of my BF).

Popular opinion has it that the injuries were brought on by my years of road biking.  Arms, hands and wrists serve as shock absorbers, and I ride a lot.  I had carbon fiber handlebars put on but they didn't help.

My orthopedist ("Top 10 Best in New Jersey", and quite handsome, too - life is so unfair), took x-rays, manipulated my extremities to that place where only-your-doctor-knows-for-sure and I'm forced to say, "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, that hurts, dammit!", and he nodded knowingly.  I opted for shots of Cortisone in the wrist and elbow since that seemed like a rite of passage for a newly minted 50 year old.  Almost everyone I know around my age had received a shot of Cortisone.  Shots, having my blood drawn, none of that stuff bothers me.

OHMYGODYOUEFFINGBASTAHDSWHYDIDNTYOUWARNME??

First of all, where in your wrist is there a place for a big old honking needle to go?  Nowhere!  It's all bone!  Same deal with the elbow.  I was panting, and squeezing that nurse's hand as if I were in labor.  I didn't cry because I only cry when it's totally inappropriate.  Crying in a Doctor's office when a mighty dose of hurt is being induced?  Never!

I have always prided myself on my incredibly high tolerance for pain.  I had a serious cycling accident in 2005.  I shattered my forearm, broke several fingers, and developed the world’s largest hematoma from groin to knee.  I got up, put my bike on the back of my car, and drove myself to the hospital.  I didn't cry.  They had to cut off my really, really expensive bike clothing (that did bring on the threat of tears).  Tough girl that I was, I had the accident on Sunday, and went to work on Monday with my arm in a sling, and splints on my fingers.  Stuff that hurt other people didn't seem to hurt me as much.

Well, Pain introduced himself to me that day in my orthopedist's office, and said, "I’ve let you get away with murder all these years.  You're 50 now, and it's no more Mr. Nice Guy.  We're going to get to know each other quite well."

Yoik.

Despite the WOW PAIN, the Cortisone worked, and the discomfort went away.

I received a number of prosthetics for these conditions.  A wrist brace, an elbow brace, and the Torquemada Special to sleep in.  My BF calls it the Lust Killer.  Yeah. Well.  If properly motivated, I will remove it.

I have worn these implements religiously as preventive measures against future injuries.

However, I work in a grocery store where lifting, shoving, bagging groceries, heaving and hoing, are a part of my daily routine. None of these activities are good for what ails me.  I got into a little dust-up with the HR people about this (my boss ratted me out with all the best intentions). After a lot of back and forth, a week ago I was put on UNPAID Leave of Absence.

This was no good.  I am standing at the lip of the financial abyss.  Only through the grace of God have I not hit rock bottom.  Only through the grace of God am I not living in a cardboard house in the woods off the Garden State Parkway, eating cat food.  I'm exaggerating, but only an itty-bitty bit.

I was told this news at work on a Saturday (bawled like a baby since it was totally inappropriate for me to do so). Called Dr. Top Ten Orthopedist on Monday but he couldn't see me until June 9th - NOT acceptable.  On Tuesday, I found me a Doctor Feel Good Orthopedist (Who knew?  I thought that only pertained to dispensing pills), and saw him the same day.  He didn't even examine me, just signed the papers I wanted him to sign and I was back at work on Wednesday.  One day's work missed.  I am nothing if not a problem solver. 

"Vaffanculo",  you Cover-Your-Corporate Ass-HR-Specialist.  I say this minus the eloquent arm gesture - it hurts to perform it.  Sigh.

The other shoe drops.

This past Saturday, my right forearm went into a deep and enduring muscle spasm.  Old Mr. Pain met me in the break room where I went to do a little private deep breathing and tear-shedding.  I had NOTHING to say to him.  He'd made his point but he wouldn't shut up.  "Silly woman, thinking you could avoid what I have in store for you.  You can fool the HR Specialist, but you can't fool me.  You have an injury and you're going to have to pay attention to it!"

I worked the following day, Sunday, in absolute agony.  I schooled my face, did my very, very best to do what I could, and when that failed, I made it look as though I was doing what I was supposed to.  I asked for a lot of help that day.   Almost hourly calls to the BF kept me going to the end of the shift, and finally I went home with a bag of unsalted peanut butter filled pretzels, took my worthless anti-inflammatory, put heat on my arm and watched the "Survivor Finale".  I got about 17 minutes of sleep that night.

Having thrown myself at the mercy of Dr. Good Looking's secretary, I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.  I had to adjust my work schedule (yes, I am working before the appointment), but my arm has a dent, an actual visible dent, in it where the muscle has knotted.  I am hoping beyond hope that there's a quick fix because a girl's gotta work.

I know.  I don't want to do permanent damage to my body.  I was told to stay of the computer, too.  Yeah, right.  I can feel the twinge as I type.  I stayed off OS all day yesterday, okay?   I must now, however, follow my “cease and desist” order, and as I know my vast readership will be sending out search parties, I thought I'd nip any hysteria in the bud.  Ah ha ha ha.

I also know that many of OSers must suffer from similar issues.  Hey, if you use a computer for any length of time, you will probably end up with one of the many muscle/bone/nerve ailments lurking out there ready to pounce.  Doctor Me says, pay attention to your body, STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER, see a doctor, and forgo your OS addiction for as long as humanly possible.

See you in the land of the healing!