I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. This friend has the prettiest blue eyes.

I've known this person for years, and only lately have I really looked into his eyes. Do you think that's weird? Maybe it is. To be fair, we weren't that close all this time, more like friendly acquaintances. I've started doing this with more regularity with other people, too, and I think it's making a change in my life. 

I have esotropia, a fancy name for being cross-eyed. I've had it, obviously, since I was a born. At some point during the first 4 or 5 months of my life (sorry, I'm hazy on the details because I was something of a baby at the time) I had some sort of surgery to correct the problem, but either medical science in the 1970s was inadequate for this issue or I had a lame surgeon, because it didn't work. Or maybe it did: maybe my crossed eyes would be a lot worse, were it not for the surgery. Anyway, so I grew up with a lazy eye, cross eyed, whatever you want to call it: subject to people asking if I was looking at them or someone else, the jokes. It wasn't that bad, because most of the people around me are nice, but I'll admit that sometimes I wondered if people noticed it. 

In my early 20s I considered another surgery to fix it even more but gave that up after hearing the gory details that were involved. I'm a chicken, I guess. Also, at the time most of my friends claimed they didn't even notice my wonky eye, but I think this is just what people say. 

Anyway, so I have this condition, and I'm a self conscious about it. It makes taking photographs a little nerve racking. It means that when I talk to people, most of the time I don't really look into their eyes: instead I focus on their mouth. People are actually very expressive with their mouths, and mouths are really pretty to look at, most of the time, but it doesn't exactly allow for that eye-to-eye contact that some people need. There's a different connection when you're watching someone's mouth. Maybe nobody notices, I don't know. 

Recently I've just been doing it anyway. I've really been trying to be more open in conversation, to really look at people. Maybe I just don't care if people think I look weird anymore. Maybe my friend's blue eyes woke me up and now I can't get enough. Whatever, now I can't stop doing it. 

Look into my eyes! 

Love you,

Irene