I finally read that post about OS and American Idol.

 Hmmm. (I do like all the people involved in that little kerfuffle--my lord--I love that word--but it got me to thinking a bit. yes. dangerous, isn't it?)

I'm not much of a fan of reality tv. I think it encourages extraordinarily snobby elitism and schoolyard cruelty. I left high school behind me with relief. But some of my friends say I'm the snobby bitch for not liking it. I don't know. Maybe. I know it makes people yell at each other a bunch over nothing. For instance, just who was that Richard Hatch guy and why did I keep seeing his rubbed out (for the cameras) naked body in the news?

Have I mentioned that quotation marks, incorrectly place ... er .... never mind about that.

 Anyway, this is not to say that I think anyone's being snobby or cruel or elitist. I don't think that's the problem exactly anyway. Let's just put those words aside for a second ... although unattached to their meanings ... they are attractive words, aren't they? I like them. Not their meanings. Those things are bad. But the words themselves ... they have such pretty consonants and vowels. The sound of them is quite lovely. 

Go ahead. Say "elitist" aloud. One could almost imagine naming one's child "Little Elitist Smith" or something like that. Please don't. For God's sake. I had a friend who named her kid "Moon." Sigh. I didn't even try to explain what would happen in high school to this poor girl.

But you know, it sounds pretty. 

Forgive the segue ... where was I? Oh yes. Speaking of writing. And what a writer is. 

Of course, definitions are painful things, aren't they? Not to get all "Jacques Derrida" on you, god bless his French soul, but definitions aren't always what they appear to be. I love the Oxford English Dictionary for this very reason. The Word is always fluid and in form. I like to notice how many words actually go from meaning one thing to meaning its opposite over the years. Always moving. 

 Darn. A segue again. Sorry about that. 

What is a writer? 

I think we should pose it as a series of questions. Let's pretend we're reading the latest edition of Cosmo and taking a quiz. If we answer a.) b.) c.) and so on, we're whatever the majority of our answers are. 

 THE COSMO EDITION OF WHAT IS A WRITER

1. You're a writer if 

a.) you sit up late at night writing wildly even though you should be sleeping ... because you have to do it

b.) your husband/wife/significant other calls your computer "the mistress" (I don't think gender matters on this one. And "the mistress" sounds so sexy.)

c.)  you write poem after poem after poem and then erase them all in a daze of horror ... or worse ...you don't

 d.) you  have someone who isn't related to your work want to read more.

e.) you think you're a writer

f.) you get paid to write

2. You know you're a writer on OS if

a.) Kerry or some other editor here gives you an EP

b.)  you sit up late at night writing wildly even though you should be sleeping ... because you have to do it.

c.) your husband/wife/significant other has found the scissors and is cutting the ethernet connection to the computer

d.) you write work after work after work and then really hope no one comments, one way or the other, on your abilities. I mean, who the fuck cares about that part? Do they read it? Do they rate? Do you really care? Who are these people anyway? They won't stop you from sitting up night after night writing ... because you have to do it! In fact, with few exceptions, none of them are even experienced editors! They're regular dudes like you! Shit. Some of them even watch that stupid American Idol. And so what if the last book you read that you liked was by Nora Roberts? Just don't tell them that! 

oops.

e.) you get on the cover

f.) you get some other poster complaining that your plebian post was on the cover whilst theirs languished, weeping in the corner

g.) you get paid and get begged by the OS editors to come here 

h.) All grammar and punctuation is correct. Er, I mean, "correct." 

3. You're a writer if

a.) you love to do it, damn what anyone else says, good or bad.

b.)  you love to do it, damn what anyone else says, good or bad.

c.) you love to do it, damn what anyone else says, good or bad.

d.) you love to do it, damn what anyone else says, good or bad.

e.) you love to do it, damn what anyone else says, good or bad.

f.) you get paid

g.) All of the above.

Oh! Wait! What? You want to know what makes someone a good writer, nay, a great writer, nay, a brilliant writer, because that's all you're gonna read/comment on/approve of/accept. 

Well, let's start at the beginning. 

Have I mentioned my friend who named her kid "Moon?" It's an interesting story ....

 EDITED TO ADD, PER REQUEST, HE WHO IS HANDSOME AS PERFORMANCE ARTIST:

And here's a link to some great poetry by Wallace Stevens:

Wallace Stevens at Poetry Foundation.

My favorite is "The Emperor of Ice Cream."

Also edited to add: Julie's post was just the springboard for these ideas, and I'm not saying that those sorts of inquiries, into what writing is, aren't important. Her post was very important, or we could all shut up about it, yes? heh. Well, anyway, thank you to Julie for the post. I may not agree with parts of it or agree with all the commentators underneath, but I do respect those opinions. And would love to debate it incessantly. And then, ultimately, bore the living shit out of everyone. ;)