I just want to thank you, Mr. Stud, for picking the Starbucks where I was today to cough up your lung!!!
Really, I totally enjoyed it!
I know you're a tough guy. You can't be sick. You have to "get back out there" even at the expense of other people!! I get it. You're a stud.
So, thank you, Mr. Stud, for hacking and spitting and gagging your way into my day, you and your buddy with his stupid-ass skull jacket that needed to be washed and your dumb watch-chains jangling from your pockets. Yes! I wanted to be sick myself! And you knew that, didn't you? So, there you are.
So, thank you.
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Thank you to the woman who wore the culottes (CULOTTES!!!) with high heeled boots today!! I love that fashion. I mean, all you needed was for the material to be corduroy and it would be 1978 ALL OVER AGAIN!! Where is your silky shirt?!? I didn't see that.
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Thank you to the person who told me she couldn't see much gray in my hair!!! Without me even asking!!! That's a wonderful quality, to know exactly the thing I'm so longing to hear--that my hair needs a touch-up, but that it's "not that bad." What would I do without you?!? I'd have to look in a mirror and use my eyesight!!! What a travesty! Thank you for sparing me from that moment.
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Thank you to the dude painting the house who stuck his head in the open window to tell me there wouldn't be much privacy for me this week!!! I love that!!! Especially since you were on a ladder, looking in my upstairs window, while I was changing clothes!!! Yes!!!! I so wanted you to look. I mean, it's Penthouse Forum all over again. Boom-chicka bow bow!!!
Oh. And thanks for wearing those pants that showed the crack of your hairy butt. Really. I couldn't have lived without seeing a stereotype in action this week.
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Thank you, Congress, for having Insurance Company lobbyists positioned squarely up your ASS!!!! I never really wanted a public option OF COURSE!! I want to be charged even more money and even FINED if I am too poor to have health insurance. I love me a poor tax in the US of A!!!! Great work!!!!
And hey, you guys all enjoy a public option on your health insurance so it shouldn't be too hard to get those insurance guys extracted FROM YOUR ASS!!!! I hope you're okay!!!!
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Finally, thank you, o cat for vomiting in the floor just right there! I really appreciated how you positioned it so that I would walk on it and so that it would stain the carpet. You know how I love cleaning up those stains!!! And I've already had such a good day. You knew a way to make it better.
Thank you. One and all.
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Comments
Your day has truly been an assault on all your senses.
And yeah, why do cats run to make sure they get it on the carpet???
Here's to Wednesday...
And I'd like to thank the man who apparently does not bathe for reasons only known to him for filling up my space with his odor. Peeyeeeww
A guy really stuck his head in your window? EWWWWWWWW!!!!
Hey O, this really works. Thank you. I didn't even know I needed that. Hope you feel better too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Just this morning, a mom at the school said her husband said she'd lost so much weight, she looked like a plumber in her jeans. Huh? I'm not reading too much into that...poor gal.
Thanks for the giggles!
I also have one of those carpet-ruining cats AND received an unsolicited back-handed compliment about my hair today too!
It just keeps getting better and better...
A great piece! It made me laugh in an otherwise somewhat dull Tuesday afternoon.
My Granddaughter is named Annabella.
I know:`
I say that each time I speak via the blogs.
I had that happen to me on the K- Street.
Some lobby gal was hacking with a camel.
I screamed:`
"Take that camel tail out from Ya mouth!
You're turning blue as a full bright moon!
You need me to give you a Heimlich burp!
That maneuver will help cough ups coffee!"
She yelled at me with creamy froth blue lips.
"You ugly hick from boondocks ain't licking.
I heard about you licking DC lawyer woman.
Ya sure enough ain't gonna lick my quarters.
Ya takes cares of the countryside's posterity."
thanks, okay.
my pleasure.
O conk thunk.
i was just thinking that i wanted to get one of those 70's velour v-neck shirts for myself. for real!
and NOW i know to get some culottes to go with!
Cat--Oh my lord, she did not have on a poncho. Or braids. I might have excused it if she'd matched in that way. No, she was carrying a briefcase. And wore a kicky scarf.
mypsyche--ew. I LOVE it when people don't bathe!!! So refreshing!
Stacey--It had its moments. Long mean moments. But you know, moments.
blue--YES. As I put on my pants. AS I PUT ON MY PANTS.
JK--It does help a bit, doesn't it?
Owl--hee hee So glad to help!
skeltnwmn--Don't you love it when your officials pout? It's so attractive and professional. I know it doesn't make me want to slap them. At all!
Walter--heh Elvis has left the building!
Deb--hee hee
outside myself--Thanks! It was ridiculous that I saw his butt crack. I mean, no. Just no.
nanatehay--Now, you and your butt are totally fine by me. ;)
UK--Pass the fifth.
spotted mind---Don't you love those backhanded compliments?
Harry's ghost--If only it had been you!!
OES--Always glad to help out. Always. Really.
O'Really--I bit my tongue so much today I think I shortened it. I would totally love to hand out little sarcastic thank you notes to people that bothered me.
GG--It's never too early, right?
Luis--My darling, you would not want him. Trust me. If only. Now, if he had looked like Wentworth Miller, well ... I would have put my pants on more slowly and perhaps with some background music. snerk. (As if. Wentworth would never be so uncouth, I'm sure.)
Anna--Isn't it great how some people feel it's okay to give you their illness? I love that. And why is it always in eating establishments? Who goes out to lunch when he or she is sick?
Art--I love you with my whole heart. I think I'll take your comment with me everywhere tomorrow and read it when I get depressed. O conk thunk.
Lunchlady--That didn't happen. And that surprises me. I guess it wasn't that bad a day after all.
jane--hee hee oh my. Velour shirts ... those were the days.
scanner--It would have been okay if he'd said something oh say BEFORE he climbed the ladder and looked in my window. ha!
GREAT post.
Stim--You're welcome. :)
Ginny-Oh my! I hate that, too!! grrr.
Kaly--NO THANK YOU for suggesting Tallloving.com. It sounds EXACTLY like the thing I would do--go meet skanky strangers and ask them for dates!!! Yes!!! Finally!!! A spam I can get behind ...
The painter ... well ... he was just having some fun. Butthole. heh.
"you! out of the gene pool!"
@Ginny: "You look great! Have you lost weight?" when my weight is the same and I didn't think that I was that fat earlier."
yes, this. Or, "you look nice today," said with total surprise - so yesterday I looked like crap?