I know I am getting old. I mean, first, of course, I can count, but I know it also because of a few things that happened yesterday. 

I'm staying in a hotel, and upon checking in to it, I was confronted by what I like to call a 'breast talker.' You know what I'm talking about, people. A man who addresses, not your face, but your boobs, as if they might have a firm opinion (haha I said 'firm') about the wifi in your room or the fact that they stop serving food at 9pm. Instead of the indignation of my 20s, I thought, "Well ... I mean someone is looking! That's good, right?" 

I know I am old also because when I went upstairs to my room, I pulled out the room service menu, read it, and thought, "What is a scared chicken sandwich? Is this some kind of regional thing?" Then, I squinted and realized the menu actually read "SEARED chicken sandwich." That seemed a more obvious choice, plus the chicken was probably beyond fear at that point anyway. 

I am becoming older. I don't mind this fact, as it means I'm still living, although I admit to failing eyes, some wrinkles, a much slower metabolism, and some aches and pains I didn't have before now. I don't mind because of that old canard about the alternative. 

But, there is one thing that I fear about becoming old and that is the fear of becoming solidified in my opinions and .... CONSERVATIVE in my views of the younger generation. I tell myself it won't happen, but I've seen it, to a person, in all my close friends and acquaintances and family members. For example, my friend S__, a woman who used to do keg stands, now sniffs in disapproval at all "the heavy drinking of the younger generation!" They are "so much worse than when I was in college." What?!? I think. This is the woman who made the best hangover cure ever when she was 22. Because she needed it. She drank like a fish.

I have friends who are horrified at the younger generation's "cheap way of treating sex." This remark is directed particularly to the hooking up culture of younger women. My friend M___ said, "I mean, they are all such sluts! They sleep with random men and never think anything of it! It's so cheap." Yes. That's a shocker, Miss M. 1) Who are "they"? and 2) This woman used to take an extra pair of leggings (when they were 'in' the first time) with her to events so that she could 'change' her outfit in the morning and not have to do the proverbial walk of shame.  Because she slept with random men. In 'her day.' When I pointed this out, she looked at me in confusion and said, "What are you talking about?"

My parents gasp at the word 'fuck' in movies and say, sadly, "Why do so many movies have to use that word?!?" These are the same people who listened to Cheech and Chong records so much when I was a child that I had memorized the "Looks like dog shit" speech by the time I was seven. They also had rolling papers in a drawer, but when I mentioned this fact later, my mother gave me a blank look and said, "What? What are rolling papers?" 

I don't want to become that old woman standing in her yard with a big stick, waving it at the neighborhood children and calling them 'hooligans'. But I wonder if it's just a physical process, a natural progression. Is it possible that the calcification of my opinions is simply a natural way of becoming older? Will I suddenly start sniffing in haughty disapproval at the length of a young girl's short skirt or will I continue to think, 'Wow, I wish I had the legs to wear that!'? Only time will tell, right? I also fear becoming that older woman in crazy, unmatching clothes who lights up a spliff from the rocker on her front porch and embarrasses her child.  I'm leaving out the happy middle ground, of course. 

I will resist wrapping this one up in a neat bow at the end of the piece. I want to put the question out to the universe. What kind of person do you want to grow up to be? Even after you are already a grown up?  I vote to remain myself, but if I want to grow and change everyday and never calcify, can I do that? 

Now, I will stop writing and try to go back to sleep for awhile. I'm old. I need my rest.