Now that I got that Thursday Haiku monkey off my back, I can have more fruitful discussion with you. There are managers and there are leaders. Managers tell you what to do, leaders inspire you to do good things. The best example of the differences between a manager and a leader was this one:
A manager builds a fire under people; A leader builds a fire inside of you.
I've worked for both managers and leaders. They are not interchangable. To paraphrase the character Dr. Gregory House, "Managers are MORONS!"
Some examples and my color commentary in italics:
"Work smarter, not harder."
Well I would, if we weren't running Windows NT2000 and this is 2007.
"This is not Rocket Surgery."
Look you're mixing your metaphors again. Rocket Science, Brain Surgery. Choose one, please. A metaphor is not a signal flag. That's called a semaphore.
"I don't have time for people issues, I've got more important work to do."
Perhaps after spending your entire careet as a Manager in the Human Resources department you should consider a career change.
"I'm not paying you to think. Just do what I told you to do."
After that million dollar fine from the state department of insurance, perhaps you should have engaged your brain before speaking.
"Let's go watched the trained monkeys perform."
What a kind and thoughful thing to say to the Governor of Maine after cutting the ribbon of a 36 million dollar Order Fulfillment Center. That was a morale killer for the dozens of employees who heard you. Your innappropriate remark made its way across the company in about a half hour. So glad you left the company to take a VP position at eToys. How did that dot.com gig work out for you?
My personal favorite:
"Why should I reward you for just doing your job. That's why you get paid."
What's this I hear about a retention bonus?
Have you any you want to share?
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I got fired after I told this manager what I thought about his comment.
ok, dog, you just opened an old wound!
If you are the leader it should be...
Good post!
Gaagh, they're dumb.
Fab -- Sorry for opening the old wound.
Buffy -- You are absolutely correct.
Chuck -- good for you.
Zuma -- Rocket Surgery was pathetic.
Karin -- I'm neither.
Sandra -- hahahahahahahahahahaha -opportunity -hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha
my lord.
Good post!!
It's Grindstone! It's Grindstone! Speak English!
Me: You mean, I'm just not playing on your team.
She screamed, "THE CUSTOMERS DON'T KNOW SHIT!" You couldn't help but love her...
Ya sure can lose alot of money in the office buddy...
odette -- Computer response times are always more effective when they are in "alignment."
Brenda -- Can you say "pathology?" I'm sure you can.
Kathy -- thanks
Dorinda -- We know how well the government works.
Deborah -- was that drip grind? Or electro perk grind?
Emma -- How true....
coog -- She worked in the food industry as opposed to the food service industry.
white and black -- the action plan went right over the boss's head, too.
bedv.. -- And he's overhead too. He indirect labor. What a putz!
cindy -- You're lucky, I hope it never happens to you.
Chi guy -- Multiple volumes.
Cartouche -- I am envious.
So, for his birthday, I went to a bakery and got a cake shaped like a penis car and had "Drive it, [name]!" written down the shaft.
Thank goodness you didn't post this last Friday after a truly delightful meeting with my boss/managers. Oh my.
Biting, biting, biting...
A member of management's team said something like, "So, you're saying that, if we've got a more senior employee who applies for a vacancy, and all that person does is show up for work and read a newspaper all day, that person should get the job?"
My color commentary: Is that what you really think of your employees? Is there anyone here that does that? And, if so, isn't it your job, as management, to address that situation?
I have always maintained that it's about the process. Follow the process and the results will come (i.e. sales & money). The process includes training, coaching and a passion for the customer.
This, of course, is the result of my having spent 6 years as an OEM automotive product and sales trainer as well as a "variable operations profitability consultant". The automotive dealerships which are the most upfront with staff and customers--the most transparent in their dealings, which have the most integrity in their operation are the ones which do the best and which continue to, if not prosper, be profitable.
Many times when I sold cars, I would have a General Sales Manager whose responses to any comments or questions in a sales meeting were as follows:
1st question/comment: "Shut up"
2nd question/comment: "Shut the fuck up"
3rd question/comment: "Get the fuck out of here"
And we wonder why business is floundering.
(Sorry for the rant--but this kind of crap has always tripped my trigger).
Rated
This allows him to jump into the discussion late in the game, responding to issues which are already resolved.
Great post, OE!
I agree with all of yours OES. Real leaders lead by example is one true saying that good leaders will live by. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite.
Rated
Ugh.
Great post!
Enjoy if you wish,I posted this a month ago:
http://open.salon.com/blog/alsoknownas/2009/03/18/have_you_hugged_your_boss_today
Personally I like (kinda love) "Office Space" even more. I thought Gary Cole "Lumberg" was simply awesomely awfully perfect in his simultaneous synchopantic/dictatorial role. Oh, the dread one has of kowtowing to a completely inferior human being. ewww... I shudder.
Bleah.
This is what a new department director said of the strategic plan that our management team spent a year developing.
"You can tell from my demeanor and the way I carry myself that I'm a man of action."
Same director. He actually said this in a meeting. And yes, he really, really did say that. You can't make this shit up.
All I can say is that Dilbert isn't a cartoon; it's a documentary.
Mishima - Yes, I often think of Dilbert as documentary work myself. Way too much truth in those nuggets of cringeworthy humor.
My last "Manager" was a "favorite" of the Division Mgr., who did all of the DM's power point stuff for him. This "Manager" was intelligent but was NOT a people person (Leader). One of his favorite quote's "No good deed goes unpunished."....He punished all of us except his "Golden Boy".....Amen.
Rated & Cheers!
I, the subservient, objected to carrying 10 grand in cash with only a FAKE camera to protect us. Nothing between us and the customers in questionable areas (urban areas was PC at the time). A terrible company (and industry) Advance America and sadly ironic name.
Sorry I worked there, my depression during my tenure was... bad. But, I needed a job.
Anyway, they wanted us to carry 10,000 dollars in cash in a little drawer behind the counter. I was protected by the fake camera and my tie.
I quit and was taken to the labor board by these Harvard grads (over unemployment). Where they had to admit to 20 robberies in the past 6 months and yes the camera was fake and no they weren't going to install any safety precautions.
To which the judges decision read..."Advance America's actions are unconscionable".
Because? They didn't want to disturb the look of the store.
I pointed out that one employee was shot and wondered if the blood had disturbed the look of the store.
Best and the brightest?
Me: Yeah, but there is no "team" without "me".
Thumbed. Rocket surgery. Gotta remember that one.
I'm having this engraved on my desk.