Last Thursday, I sat through a presentation delivered by three consultants. I know there are OSers here whose livelihoods depend on the services they provide. I'm not talking about them.
I'm talking about the three suits who came in and vomited consultant speak across the conference room table onto their customers.
I don't need to know about "burning platforms" or "synergies" or any of the consultant blather you regularly pontificate for your six figure fee. In fact, two- dollar words work much better then trying operationalize the English language. Let me say if you continue speak consultant to me, I'll set you adrift on the Hudson River on your very own burning platform.
You actually brought some good data to the meeting. It would have been useful to talk about that and listen to your customer. I'll repeat that slowly,
LISTEN
TO
YOUR
CUSTOMER!
No we're not going to invest in a multi million Customer Relationship Management program like Mega Financial Services Corporation. We're not a FOR PROFIT entity like WhizBang enterprises.
As I found out today, you're a little frustrated with us because you only got a third of the work on this project. Let me tell you you're awfully lucky in this economy there was any money for you.
Now just do your job!
Follow the statement of work and complete what we want you to.
Just do your job! Listen to your customer.
This is not 2007 where you could string out a two week project over 6 months, demand a million dollars and collect. You got a three week engagement. Provide your services and remember to say thank you when you get the check that's coming to you.
Enough already.
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Smithery
Molly Lilly
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Comments
R
M -- we'll give you a 40 page powerpoint deck, when 20 pages would have sufficed. That's really adding value and deforestration too.
Gag.
M -- Yep.
Shel -- If you were older, I'd have thought you wore the platforms around the disco, but I know better.
Ocular -- No videos.
GJI -- Thanks.
Michael Rodgers -- Your point is well taken...though I wish you were employed.
In teaching sales processes and techniques, my constant, broken record message was that "customer satisfaction is what earns the sale in the first place" and "make sure that it permeates everything that you do." Easier said than done, to be sure. But it's the best way to assure the success of the process whether it's in automotive or any other sales/customer service related job.
And lastly, when I would teach classes in retail service and handling customer problems, one of the key things I would try to impart was to ask the customer "what would you like us to do about it" or "what would satisfy you"? Almost invariably the customer will tell you--all you have to do is listen. And the vast majority of the time the customer wants you to do less to satisfy them or assuage them than what you are willing to do.
Just a couple of thoughts. Rated
Emma -- Thanks for the comment and for stopping by
The real problem was that my boss was eager to make partner, had responsibility for more projects than he could micromanage, made decisions for my project without spending much time thinking about it, or talking to me. He also spent a lot of time on another continent and came to work 2 hours late when we had only a 2 hour overlap of our working day.
This is turning into a rant. I got out of consulting. Not a second too soon.
Of course, one thing I do know is that in some cases, the pressure to increase revenue by bloating the contract can be enormous. I know I've been subjected to that kind of pressure also. Of course, if you are doing it right, you listen to the customer and glean opportunity from actual needs rather than implied needs.
Gah, did that just make me sound like a consultant?
I do consulting two or three times a year for the company that I work for and I have a "nasty habit" (or so I am told) of sticking to plain English that everyone can understand easily rather than lapsing into techincalspeak that leaves me spending extra time translating it into plain English. Easier for me to just do it in English the first time and then answer technical questions with technical answers.
Janie -- You don't resemble this type at all. And you don't sound like a consultant, either. You never tried to operationalize, maximize or optimize your comment.
Walt -- It's never a training problem when they can functionally perform the work and fail to do it. It's a performance management problem, and most businesses fail to manage performance...it's too icky for them.
Tia -- thanks/
Mary -- To defend this group, the collected good data. Bush etal, not so much.
MrsRaptor -- We wouldn't want to effectively communicate to our audience would we.
Trig -- Common sense has been replaced with nonsense.
When I worked for a company in Massachusetts, I went to a meeting where the burning platform was mention a dozen times and I had no freaking clue what they were talking about.
I asked my boss, saying I was totally flummoxed, and she explained it to me. Eva thanks for asking. Think of it as the scenery in the theatre is on fire during a live performance.
Up till Sept 1st, I had spent the last year cleaning up after people who did this. Because you think the presentation is bad? Wait till you get to the part where they actually attempt to DO something!
Like George Costanza, OS and work together---and worlds are colliding here!
"Most businesses fail to manage performance...it's too icky for them" You are so right. Plus, it's damn hard. I worked for a company once where there was zero correlation between work produced, capability, salary and rank. I wanted to make salaries based on performance, but that would require a huge amount of adjustment.
Eventually I did it. And, to the great surprise of the department, they actually started to earn the respect of the rest of the company.
Roger -- Sounds like you craked Einstein's unified field theory
Suzn -- Very true
Kathy -very clever
Teddy -- Ugh Mitt Romney
Malusinka -- You must be a great leader to affect that type of organizational change.
dorinda -- Sheepdogs are inherently evil ;).
Oh, and don't forget to "de-silo."
Zumapick.
Their conviction that a plan I thought up on my own would be very stupid and completely unworkable was the primary motivating factor in their cooperation with me.
Whatever the motivation, I was happy with what we achieved.