It's been approximately 5 months since my ex-boyfriend dumped me. He said it was too much pressure. I am not really sure what that meant, but that's what he said. Since then, I haven't really done much but try to pick myself up from the heartbreak. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I was supposed to be the one to tell him it wasn't working. Well, I didn't get a chance to do so.
Well, the purpose of this post is not to talk about him, its to talk about how Valentine's Day is my 2nd least favorite time of the year. Hallmark has these sappy cards out and they don't have any for people like me. Where are the cards that say "Yes, I'm over 30(this will have a rotating disc with various ages on it) and still single and NOT loving it!" or "Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm desperate." How about "I'm not married, have never been and don't want to hear about your relationship woes." What about the ones to give to your other single girlfriends who are facing similar challenges. How about "It's been insert number here years and he still hasn't proposed to you, hang it up girl, he won't."
Or how about when your friends (if you want to call them that) say stupid things to you to try and comfort you. Some of them are "I never would have thought I'd be married." (But you are so shut up stupid.) Or, I was single for a long time too. (But you got someone to wake up to now so hush.) My all time favorite is "Love/relationships aren't all that." (Then dump your man and pass him on to someone else.)
I don't think people in relationships realize that single people know and recognize that we are single. We are not that stupid. We also have standards (that's why many of us remain single). I am not going to accept anything from a man just for the sake of saying I'm in a relationship. We also know that some of the women in the relationship ruin it for women with standards because they accept anything so they won't be alone.
I get tired of going to events and it's a couple only event, but I wasn't informed. This past holiday season, I went to a few gatherings at some friends and everyone was coupled up. What cracked me up was the way the couples were latched on to one another. I am not sure if it was my paranoia or what, but I could tell a few of the girls felt the need to mark their territory. I was talking to one couple and the girl kept on holding on to her boyfriend and eventually I had had enough and had to excuse myself. I was too tickled by this behavior. What made her think I wanted her man?
This Valentine's Day, I don't know what I'm going to do. I was supposed to go to book club, but I quit the book club earlier this month (another post, another time). I know I'm going to shuttle my daughter around to her various activities and stay clear of the mall or restaurants. I am not sure I want to be in that environment. I try to believe that one day my ship is going to come sailing in, but until then...
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Paul Fornale
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Comments
I feel your frustration....especially toward the women who set the bar so low that men begin to think that we will ALL tolerate what the last girl put up with. However, I've gotten to point where I don't begrudge couples for wanting to go all out to celebrate (although I think it shouldn't be designated for one day only...but that's another discussion). In fact, I am happy for them. Their happiness or lack thereof, has no affect on me in any way whether I am coupled or not.
I try not to let it bother me or take it personally if I am single. February 14th will come and go, but what matters is how you view your particular situation. Are you happy being single? It sounds like you are happy in the now....but you hope to find that special someone. Maybe you will, maybe you won't....but whatever the case.....just focus on being happy with yourself.
I loved your observation about the women who 'audition' for the role of wife after living with a guy and being a surrogate for years. It's very true. Now, there are some women who do not want to get married and they are happy to just live with someone. But the women who are doing whatever they can to prove to their guy that they are worthy.....geez.... The funny thing is ......some guys will swear to that same woman that they are not ready (after several years of shacking) and then they will end the relationship suddenly only to marry someone else! It just meant that he really wasn't into her....she wasn't THE one....oh....and that he was a jerk.
nice piece. i was single for a lot of years and can relate (i know, you hate that, sorry). now that i have mrs. cap'n we've agreed not to celebrate hallmark holidays so i'm still nonplussed about it.
this year we're going to see nba all star saturday night in 3d on valentines day. am i a lucky man or what?
On Singles Awareness Day, single people gather to celebrate or to commiserate in their single status. Some want to remind romantic couples that they don't need to be in a relationship to celebrate life. A common greeting on this day by its adherents is "Happy SAD!"
Some of the manifestations of the holiday can be regarded as examples of self-deprecating humor.
Happy SAD, Mlle!
@Cap, yes I am single and most people are surprised. I am not into the man sharing thing or the lowering of standards. (You are a lucky guy, maybe I should go out to a sports bar that day too.
@Catamite, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I think I've gotten there. I think it has just hit me in recent months that I am single (so are my sisters and close girl friends) and it may be that way for a minute. I don't like it, but that's the reality.
@Monsieur, that is why I love you so. You put a smile on my face and I thank you for that. I think I am going to plan something for that day. Thank you so much.
But Valentine's day has become something that I, as an American and a feminist, am ashamed of. Valentine's day is the day that the commercial world pommels every single person senseless with sappy, candy coated judgment.
"Not in a relationship?" It simpers, "maybe you just need to try harder. Maybe you should lose weight, or maybe you need to be paying more attention to your appearance in other ways. Because if you were worthy, someone would be honoring you right now with some roses or chocolates or jewelry."
And if you are wise, you will tell it to go fuck itself.
my mom is single she has been she got marryied ones and never had a bf. she 38 but she loves being single cause arounf my family there lots a abuse. Her mom is always tellin her to get marryied but she always says if god wants it she will get marryied.
i cant really give u advice cause i myself am young and well i have problem with guys.
I say you spend tomorrow loving yourself. Relax, read a great book, take one of those cozy bubble baths, give yourself a DIY facial and just enjoy YOURSELF.
Big hugs!