I grew up in a household where the words "I love you" were never spoken. If they were I don't remember hearing them. My parents felt like what they did for my sisters and I was enough to let us know they loved us. It wasn't until I had my daughter that she would prompt us to be more affectionate towards one another.

When my mother married my dad, by society standards she was considered an "old maid" because she was in her 30's.  I'm not really sure how long my parents dated prior to getting married. I don't know what their courtship (if there was one) was really like.  Based on what I witness with my parents leads me to believe there was little to nothing done. I don't know. Maybe it was different before we were born. I don't know because this is something they never shared with us and I am not sure if my mom would be willing to share now.

What I do know is both my parents were the black sheep of their families and maybe that is what drew them together. My dad  was born out of wedlock to a young mother who left him with her parents and didn't return to get him until he was much older (I think 12 or 13). My mom was never accepted by her sisters (I'm not too sure about the brothers). They never included her in anything UNLESS it was beneficial to them. When my dad died, none of them came to sit with her. I mean the ONE time when she needed them the most they were no where to be found.

As a result of all of this pain and dysfunction in my family (immediate and extended), I never learned how to love.  Sure I went to church and was told God is Love and all these things about love but I was never shown it.  When my dad died, I had so many emotions going on and I didn't know what to do. I loved my dad but didn't realize how much I did until he was no longer here. I guess in his own way he loved us too!

I am now faced with this challenge of learning how to love. It is a scary thing because I don't know where to begin.