I have never quite understood the power that diamonds wield. I’m beginning to think that they are the closest we’ll ever get to what we can call a ‘woman whisperer’. It speaks to some women in a foreign language only known to them that allows them to see the things that only they desire to see, to instantly disregard facts as insignificant rubbish and to forgive the most egregious behavior that one human being can inflict upon another.
What is so magical about an engagement ring that reduces some women into an all day sucker? Obviously, the ring is a symbol……..maybe not of the undying love and fidelity that her guy should feel……..but it is a symbol to her. Perhaps, it validates her worth as a woman. It proves to everyone that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, that she’s loved, that she’s wanted. It’s something she can brag about to her friends. It’s the solid ‘proof’ that she has that somebody ‘wants’ her to be a wife. She doesn’t quite grasp the fact that symbols mean nothing if there’s nothing sacred and true behind them.
I am finding that the engagement ring has become a quasi-mute button or at best, a pacifier. Actually, it’s kind of creepy how similar the two look. Of course, that’s purely coincidental, but they do sometime serve the same purpose and that’s to shut somebody up. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not talking about loving, sweet, romantic, STRONG, committed relationships. I’m talking about what some ne’er- do- wells offer to quash any crap he’s gotten himself into with his woman.
For example: Cad is caught sleeping with his woman’s mother/aunt/brother in law/pet horse and she’s ready to tear him a new one. Well, Cad knew this day was coming, so he’s prepared. “Baby, you know you’re the only one for me”. He hits one knee (didn’t even have to burn one calorie either) and asks her to be his bride. She starts crying like the Trevi fountain and miraculously, ALL is forgiven! Suddenly, the only traitors in this scenario are her mother/aunt/brother in law and that damn horny horse.
He can have a baby in each of the tri-counties, bring each one home for the little woman to raise but he never forgets to pull out the handy dandy, 'get out of jail free' card ring that he bought from the same retail establishment Wiley Coyote frequents as he pledges his undying love to his new babysitter. Rings aren’t erasers; you can’t just think it will wipe out the wrong that he has done to you. You have to value yourselves a lot more than an inanimate trinket, stop allowing yourselves to be bought so cheaply. If you think so little of yourself, why shouldn’t he?
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bethybug
Chandra Kamaria
Joan H.
Lucy Simpson
Jeanine T. Abraham
The Ghost of the Zen Haitian
Salon.com
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And as women, we're supposed to gasp and say, "Oh...he loves me." Okay, everyone bought into it, now what?
Ariana....it's enough to make you wanna holla!
It's amazing how those symbols can affect us, Marcela. When people aren't living up to their promises it can change your outlook on those symbols.....not that you expect perfection....but certainly respect!
You're right, Michael......I do tend to beat around the bush. roflol!
Ooooo, Buffy! I like the way that you think!
PM.....I'm telling you, it would have to be real for both of us!
Aaron....don't get me started! I think about what folks spend on weddings/honeymoons and I think wow....that's a NICE down payment on a house. Not to cast aspersions on people who want a dream wedding, but that's just what I think.
D, I hear ya about Debeers, I wonder why that company isn't being tried for crimes against humanity?
I have a co-worker with a really large rock. Her fingers are tiny so it looks a little disjointed on her hand, but she's really proud of it.
Now that said, I love my engagement ring and wedding ring. I've been engaged 3 times and only the last one ended in marriage (and was entered into as an "adult" encounter). The first guy proposed because he thought it would make me more willing to have sex. The proposal came with a cubic zirconia from Macy's. I mention this last point because even as I stupidly accepted, the whole thing felt tragically wrong, ridiculous and fake. Luckily I woke up.
Second situation: ring was real but the relationship was abusive and controlling. The ring felt more like a noose than a symbol of love and promise.
Yet my current (and only) hubby: He was the first one in oh so many years that treated me as if I were rare and valuable. I was 37 and had given up on marriage before meeting him. The whole courtship was filled with my bewilderment that this man could actually love and value me as he did.
So the ring, when he proposed, was like a symbol of how committed he was and how much he valued me. I'm not saying that the size of the diamond showed my value. But more that he wanted me to have it and chose to purchase it as one symbol of how important I was (and am) to him.
I'm not saying this very well, but for someone who had felt devalued her whole life, it felt so amazing to have someone get me something so beautiful that I still look at every day and thank God/the Goddess/Fate for bringing us together. So it is about the ring and it isn't. I'm tongue-tied and am rambling. Sorry.
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2 Carat Rating
It sickens me how women know this about those pretty stones, but don't care and want them bigger and brighter anyway.
Trudge, I thought the same thing about Kobe/Vanessa at the time.....at the very least he was unfaithful, but as soon as she was blinded by that bling everything was suddenly ok.....sad!
SJ.....yes...whatever form the bribe is in....you are right, don't take it!
I agree, Janie....young people need to manage their expectations....especially in this economy!
Agreed BBE...anything purported to be rare, makes it all the more valuable to the recipient.
Ghost, Designanator and I alluded to it in earlier comments. We definitely agree with you.
Your analogy of rings to pacifiers is true on many, many levels.
I look at the rings I wear on my hands as visual reminders of everything we've been through and how much we mean to each other, since I bought him a ring too, and a St. Michael medallion.
People -- women and men alike -- place too much significance on something so silly and little. Yet it never fails to astonish me how many young women I meet who sniff at the size of the diamond in my engagement ring and tell me my Spousal Unit doesn't love me very much, or he would've bought a bigger diamond. That, as you've pointed out, ain't the point.
Delia, it's so frustrating.....they've allowed the ring to symbolize or mean more than the integrity of the man. They allow themselves to be bought so cheaply....is it any wonder they continue to choose the same type of ne'er do well?
Thanks for stopping by, SC....haven't seen you in awhile....you've been missed!
Ash....isn't that a mess? That women would judge your relationship based on the size of the ring....what is the world coming to?
LOL.....thanks, Julie!
Kathy, great advice....but most people won't want to do that out of fear of being called critical....well, one had better be critical and he should look her over too. This is the person that you ostensibly want to live out the rest of your days with!