Now that Lindsay Lohan and LeBron James have taken our attention away from our national disaster pathetic lives, I wonder who and what we'll be fixated on as the next most important "thing" to keep us in denial preoccupied.

It seems we don't really have enough interesting devastation diversions going on in the real imaginary world of celebrity and pop culture and God knows we are nothing without TMZ a good train wreck.

Here are a couple of headlines and stories that might capture our imagination in the coming weeks so we won't have to think about what the fuck we are going to do about our country how screwed insignificant our lives really are:

Larry King will announce that he is going to marry himself.  Right after he announces his new talk show that will air on the yet to be formed network NDY which stands for Not Dead Yet.  

 
Naomi Campbell will be arrested for domestically abusing herself with a blood diamond that she has no receipt for or recollection of buying.  It's purported that Ms. Campbell just likes the feeling of “pressing charges”.
        
             

LeBron James will be accused of causing the Cuyahoga River to catch fire once again in his native Cleveland, forcing Michael "Brownie" Brown back into the national spotlight so he can do a heck of a job with the clean up.  Not.

                                     

Remember Drew Peterson?  Sources tell me, that this coming Monday, Peterson will file for a marriage license  to someone who's already dead but whose body has not yet been discovered  just to keep his name in the media.



And poor Lindsay Lohan will file charges against the LAPD for damages caused to her roots while serving her 90 22 days for being nothing more than  a pimple on the ass of the movie making machine known as “celebrity”  complete waste of taxpayers’ time talent oxygen and air time.

                      

To everyone who has nothing better to do than follow this crap nonsense and to the people who are obsessed with only this kind of "news"or themselves, I have "The Cure for What Ails You" right here:

                                                                         "The Cure for What Ails You"
                                    48" x 36" Acrylic and Latex on Canvas
                                                   © Patricia A. Smith

So listen up Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson,  and all you other naughty celebrities.  You have some stiff competition in the coming days.  In the meantime, take two STFU and call me in the morning.