I’m not quite sure what possessed me to do what I did when I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4:45 this morning.  I wouldn’t call it a craving.  Cravings apply to things like chocolate and sex wiener schnitzel.  I wouldn’t characterize it as curiosity either; because, let’s face it - curiosity is borne out of a sense of not knowing and suddenly having the need to snoop discover.

You know the old saying that desperation necessity breeds invention?  It’s true with writing, too.   So I have an announcement to make.  In the wee hours of this very morning, I succumbed to the lowest depth of romantic suicide. It took one click to vault me back to the vortex of liar’s hell, where I quickly remembered every face I thought I had forgotten.  There was no escaping them.  They were all still there, taunting me like Acai Berry ads, wearing the same stupid shirts grins on their ten year old photos faces, trying to sell the same bullshit bill of goods they had been peddling nearly a decade earlier.  Here’s my confession:  I went and visited the horrid wasteland site that promises love and happily ever after, otherwise known as match.com. 

I did this all in the name of boredom research and I did all it for you.  You may not know this, but match.com is a lot like OS.  The similarities are astounding, actually.  Let’s take a look at some of the interesting data that apply to both:

Creating a profile is easy!

There are pages and pages of people or posts to choose from!

On OS, you “make” the headlines that usually get changed by the editor; on match.com you write your own headline.  Coincidence?  I think not.

On both sites, people can get “featured”.  This can also happen on “America’s Most Wanted”, so don’t get too excited about that.

You can leave either site for weeks or even years months, but when you return, you will see the same people over and over and over again trying to get your attention.  You’ll recognize them immediately by their ten-year-old photos bios.

You can make up shit assumptions about what you read from the comfort of your own home without having to actually get dressed meet the person whose story you are reading. 

You can call yourself “2NiceGuy”, write brilliant poetry and still be an axe murderer!  Who loves sea turtles, still enjoys listening to Milli Vanilli and appreciates a good merlot.  How cool is that?

You can post as many photos of yourself 24 hours a day!

You can send, receive and ignore private messages to your heart’s content!

You can read any profile or post you want without ever having to say a single word. (Too bad you can't "rate" people on match.com.  That could get ugly.)

You can see who has been “active” over the past 24 hours.

You can think you really “know” someone, just by what they write.  Until it’s plagiarized a bad check.  

You can meet someone from either site and find out he or she look nothing like you imagined.

Both sites have spell check in some places but you don’t have to use it!

Now, for all these uncanny similarities, there remains one undisputable difference between match.com and OS.

You have to pay match.com to potentially have your heart broken.

On OS, you can still have that happen for free!

Sucker.

And, one last similarity that makes me think these two sites are in bed business together?

Gray heads.

Lots and lots of gray heads……