My daughters saw me cry about four years ago.
Once. Briefly.
Never before. Never since.
Today, they've seen me cry twice.
Hard.
Once for beauty.
Once for pain.
They are so confused.
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Outside Myself
- Location
- West Coast Body, East Coast Heart, California,
- Birthday
- January 19
- Title
- Mom
- Company
- Don't even have to knock...come on in.
- Bio
- I am now 43 and perfectly OK with that (but I still love it when my friends say I look like I'm 35!). I've been a mom for over nine years now. I live a rather simple yet difficult life of trying to make sure my daughters are polite, well-educated and know they are loved beyond question. I do my best to give my family whatever they need. And I'm trying to take care of myself.
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I am infinitely trying to make people happy, make people laugh, make people feel good about themselves. I compliment often, but only with sincerity. I spend way too much time thinking about what might be the "right" thing to do in any given situation. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx This is a personal journey for me. I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible.
AND AN UPDATE: Don't forget your worth. This speaks to everyone, not just me. xoxoxo ~~~~ And thx, B. My heart was beginning to thaw but your beautiful friendship has melted it.
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FURTHER UPDATE: - B, darling, you have brought me love and peace. You sent the words, "Be gentle with yourself." I am able to do so only because you have been gentle with my heart. I love you, soul mate.
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Oh look! There he
is!”
4:58PM - “I would have joined you
for a beer, my friend. I hate
flying!
I only did it
the…”
4:57PM - “It's the tag that gets
me: "The broken
hero"
There are so
many of those…”
4:11PM - “Oh I love this kind of
thing!
I always used to
sing "She's got whiskers
on…”
4:09PM - “I'm an American.
I'm
an idiot.
Put me on any
continent.
I shall remain
the
same.
But…”
3:58PM
Outside Myself's Links
Outside Myself's Favorites
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Chuck A. Stetson
Patty Jane Maher
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INDEX: Poor Journalist Gets To Business
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I Really Hate Flying
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Fear and Writing (Open Calls)
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Let Me Tell You
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Pajama Warrior: Me On Le Morning Show! (Now With Transcript)
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TrumanShow-esque -- Questioning Reality
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I Own Ten Minutes of Einstein’s Life
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Irish Open Call: My Grandmother's Photo Speaks
Salon.com
Comments
I hope the pain goes away, soon. And whatever the happiness was, I hope you have much, much more of it, kiddo
Bob - The beauty was your Monarch comment about me.
They probably just love you so much.
Rated for sensitivity.
Bob - I know you would...and you do such a fine job of it, love.
Thoth - Your kindness lights me up. Thank you.
Duane - I don't usually let the pain get to me like this. I'm feeling helpless today. (And joyful as a butterfly cupcake.) Rollercoaster.
Mr. Mustard - My girls are the most perceptive, precious things. I just never cry in front of them. Today, however, it has been unavoidable. Thanks for being here.
Oh, and your butterfly cupcakes made me wish pixels were edible.
—Melissa
Starlings - Tears have not come to me unexpected very often, and like your friend, no tears for years. "Mistings" as I call them, occasionally, but not full-on crying. Maybe not for 7 or 8 years. So, this day is what I personally call a breakthrough for me. For very good and very unfortunate reasons. Oh, and your cupcake comment cracked me up. I needed that smile at that moment, so thanks. :)
Steve - How little did I know that my compliment to you would come back in my own post. Thanks, a ton. It bugs me to be an enigma, but I'll consider it temporary. :)
And those little girls love their mommy.
It's ok for them to see you cry and know that emotion is a good a real part of life, a bittersweet gift of our heart.
Much love, friend.
And don't worry about shorting out your keyboard. If that could happen, mine would have been gone long ago.
((Hugs))
WAH - I so adore your friendship. Yes, I do know you're here (late into the night, it seems!). :) Thank you for your wise and kind words.
Cartouche - Thank you for that - I am beginning to see that this will indeed be the case. And I really don't want my girls to be like me in this regard - I want more for me, how can I not want more for them?
Smithery - You are so right. I've taught them so much about so much...and I know they need this lesson. Thank you for your thoughtful responses...always.
Yarn - I always feel a bit happier when I see you've been here. I am trying to be someone who isn't afraid to cry. Still working through certain aspects of it all. But seeing other people cry? Yeah, that's very tough for me...tears me up.
Oh, Lunchlady - I get it. I think my girls will always remember yesterday. Make sure you forgive yourself for being a brat - my sister was pretty much every day. ;-)
Unbreakable - That is quite good news. I think even my keyboard was a bit stunned by my behavior yesterday...
Thanks you guys. What a ride...