...you might want to stop reading right here.
I am SO not miserable. I'm not even sure what exactly I should write; what's appropriate to write. I know folks here say they don't judge yet I'm frankly not worried about being judged.
I'm in that "Shout it From the Rooftops" place.
I've posted a poem and a song I sang and a story of a gift to my children. They all relate to someone we'll call...hmmm...how about..."Soul mate."
Yes, I found him. Yes, it took 42 years. Yes, it seems impossible to be so fulfilled. But they are all truths to the depths of my heart.
I have said before that I am the youngest of 6 daughters and that my parents didn't have a ton of time to devote to my life, for which I carry a modest amount of resentment. There's enough to go around - I also feel a bit of resentment for my older sisters who were busy being so naughty, my being so good was completely overlooked and I was not given the same amount of time since I presented no problems. But, honestly, I don't live in those moments. I use it to illustrate a point: a remarkable phrase = Unconditional Love.
I never had that. Never with my family - there were always strings attached. I also did not share this with any friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. But I have been given that gift. I don't really even know how it works. I don't know if something I do might change that, but I don't see it happening. Still, it's entirely foreign to me. How does he have the capacity to love me like that?
Oh sure, I have some good qualities, but let's just say they haven't bought me a whole lotta happiness in my lifetime when it comes to being loved.
One of my favorite songs comes from my favorite musical, "The Music Man." The song is "Being in Love" and the words I relate to are:
"All I want is a plain man.All I want is a modest man.
A quiet man, a gentle man,
A straightforward and honest man
To sit with me in a cottage somewhere in the state of Iowa [how about Pennsylvania?!?!]...
And I would like him to be more interested in me
Than he's in himself and more interested in 'us' than in me...
And if occasionally he'd ponder
What makes Shakespeare and Beethoven great.
Him I could love 'til I die. Him ~ I could love 'til I die."
He is all of those things and immeasurably more.
Do I hate the distance between us? Damn it, I do. Hate it. But I also love it, for the distance created the NEED to communicate; something always missing in my life. And so, while I curse the miles keeping us apart, I am grateful to them for bringing us so close.
If you're still reading and not rolling your eyes or anything, thanks. This is just me indulging myself and shouting from the rooftops. If Love Loves Company.......I'm just saying I'm in love.
The last person I will ever love.
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Comments
Rated.
Beautiful post about love.
Rated.
Lunchlady - Dear, it IS amazing how my life has changed. I never, ever dreamed it would. And I have OS to thank for it, quite literally.
mginmn - The distance is a detail. And you're right - I agree that it is supposed to be this way; I just never knew it existed.
Thoth - Ummm... Uh-oh. I did just lose 34 pounds (and counting) but I did it through diet and exercise and am a MUCH healthier person, so I hope that doesn't count! Oh dear - I hope I'm still a blessing!! Your comment, however, in all seriousness, was so very kind. You have been here with me through this journey and know how I feel about many things. I've always appreciated your friendship here.
Cartouche - Your comment means so much to me. Time is on our side now.
You know, Pennsylvania has some spectacular fall colors coming up ;)
Surely, as long as you are healthy and happy, that is all I care about. I was simply worried that you lost what O'Really refers to as the "cargo area." Even if you did, you are soooo feminine, and that trumps all.
Thoth - Lucky me, things have only improved in every area. :-) Thanks again for the sweet words. I cherish my femininity.
You happy people really piss me off.
:-)
WAH - Thank you. I know you know how happy we are. His words breathe it as well, don't they? I'm so lucky...
Maybe You can attend a health club where none ogle You?
Go to the safe Place where the no Spandex mishaps happen.
You remind me of someone who feeds humming tweet birds.
My o day. This is so silly. amaze? You sit on my soffa' one day?
My suffa' will transform to a comfortable love bird coo cushion?
tease?
sorta?
tweet!
Arthur - that made me laugh. :-)
I am so lucky to have had my soulmate for tweny plus years. There could never be another. Lucky us!!
Only rolled my eyes a little bit :)
Is equal to the love you make."
McCartney is a wise man.
As to the title here, in fact misery DOES NOT love company, misery loves a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
LOVE, now.... Love loves company. :-D
Triiiiig! - OK, I'll give it to ya - it IS pretty mushy stuff. ;) Thank you for the happy wishes.
Awww, Bill - You made me a little weepy. You're so thoughtful...as usual, as always. Your heart is just gold, hun. Thank you.
Congrats~~
I hope all works out for the both of you..
Gwen - We totally get each other and yeah, it's just amazing!! So many similarities...it's a constant "me, too" feeling.
Roy - Funny - I do that all the time now. :-)
Ralph - I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for you and I can only hope you are at least able to cherish the beautiful memories you did have.
Fireeyes - I just can't seem to help myself. And ya know what? Words he blessed me with tonight made me want to shout louder and from much higher. Amazing.
Thank you again for your warm thoughts. As always, you're in my heart.