Dear Giant,
I saw a video today of a gay couple, two men, singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" to their daughter as they were trying to tuck her in. The headline in the article was "Best Advertisement for Gay Marriage: the Leffew Family." Of course, it made me think of you at age two, when your Mom and I got together.
As you know, I hadn't planned on being a parent. I've never been ga-ga for kids, especially babies. I mean, I think babies are cool, just . . . I wasn't all "googly-googly" with them. When your Mom and I got together, I knew you were part of the package, and I was okay with that - I was already in love with her, and I thought I could take care of you pretty well.
Then I met you, only two years old on the front porch swing wearing just a diaper - I looked into those blue-blue eyes with the endless lashes - and, well, I fell for you too. I didn't know if your Mom and I were going the distance yet, but damned if I wasn't double-bitten by the love bug. I have never looked back.
______________
I was worried about a few things, though. One of the first things my parents said when I told them I was a lesbian was, "What about the baby Giant? He needs two parents!" I reassured them that I would be a good parent - after all, I'd already parented two brothers and a sister, sort of, and done a huge diaperload of babysitting.
They said, "if you're there, it could repel the baby Giant's Dad - the baby Giant's Dad needs to be involved!" I said I would do everything in my power to make sure that your Dad was welcome in your life. I didn't want you to miss out on having a Dad, if ever he was willing to be one.
So far so good. Then they said, "there is a world full of people who will not be able to support your relationship, and they may take it out on the baby Giant. What will happen when he goes to school? How dare you put a child in that situation?" I said, as bravely as I could, that we would deal with it the way parents always have. People can always find a reason to make fun of you - teacher's kid, stuck up, wrong side of the tracks, ugly, fat, too pretty, too smart, your mother wears army boots - whatever.
But that one shook me up. I knew I couldn't protect you completely from the world. I also knew that I would die trying, if need be.
______________
See, when your Mom and I got together, and we realized that we had a chance at a life together, she said two life-altering things to me.
One was this: "Get in the boat or get out of the boat. I have a son, and if we stay together, then you have a son too. It is up to me to make sure that the baby Giant does not have second-class commitment. If you are not up for it, or ready for it, as much as I love you, you will have to go." She already had her answer in my actions - but she wanted to hear it out loud from me. I didn't hesitate. I was in.
The next was this: "You need to find a name for yourself which is between the baby Giant and you. I'm already Mom, but you need a name which is special between you and him." The name came from another language: Tia. In Spanish, it means aunt. Easy to say. And you could say it, and I would know to turn around, and it would not cause confusion to others who knew your Mom as the Giant's Mom.
"Tia" was the perfect cover. Anywhere in the world, I could be your godmother, and you could be my godson, and you could call me Tia, and it would be a code because we knew that really, really, I was your parent. Just thinking about it makes me smile, still.
______________
When you turned four, we moved from the very large city to the small town where I'd gone to college - a liberal arts school with a long history of progressive thought. We knew that we couldn't afford private school, and we didn't feel good about the public schools in the city. We knew that the overall education level was significantly higher than most small towns. We felt hopeful that you, and we, would have allies. And we did. And it wasn't enough.
As soon as we knew who your teacher was going to be, we asked for a conference. We assumed that honesty was the best policy, and introduced ourselves as your parents. We gave our best middle-class "we're all in this together" presentation. The teacher seemed pretty okay with it. And you got through kindergarten with very little problem, as far as we could see. So we didn't see the clouds looming over first grade.
I've gone over it a hundred times in my mind. There were so many factors that could have played into what they called "behavior problems." You were a perfectionist, and couldn't stand to make mistakes, preferring to get an "F" or "incomplete." You made declarations in class that made no sense to the teacher (remember "the sock, the bloody sock!"?) - we knew that it was part of your theatrical nature, and weren't worried. We talked to the teacher, and compared notes, and tried different approaches.
You kicked a kid in the lunch line (who kicked you first, we know - but the one who kicks last always gets caught). You threatened to beat a kid up at recess (and got suspended, because apparently if you just do it, the punishment is less than if you threaten). You were accused of stealing a valuable ring from the backpack of the little girl who lived in the white house on the corner 3 blocks from ours; her parents called, irate.
We asked you about it - and you knew nothing about the ring, except that the little girl, and her little friends, had been pretty mean to you for quite awhile. Weeks passed. Her parents called some more. Then we got the call to meet with the counselors and the social worker at the school.
Apparently, you were getting harrassed a lot about us - other kids who were just repeating what they'd heard at home. The professionals reassured us that really, it wasn't any different than what any other kid experiences in terms of teasing. It wasn't any particular kid doing it. They weren't surprised that we were hearing about it for the first time - kids often try to protect their parents that way. They announced their verdict - either bi-polar, or attachment disorder, or both.
We were crushed. We grieved, and tried to hide it. We worried about what this would mean for you, if it was true. We secretly wondered if it was our fault somehow. And we decided that we would home-school you for second grade. Remember the missing ring? It had been found a few days after it had been "misplaced." The principal told your Mom when she went in to let the school know that you wouldn't be returning the following year.
______________
A lot of shit went down after that, just life stuff. Your Mom worked nights and I worked days so that we could do the home-schooling thing. Your Dad showed up for awhile, then disappeared from your life for awhile - which is pretty much what he's done every few years. I lost a job, and eventually found another one, but not before losing the house. For awhile, your Mom was virtually disabled with something like narcolepsy, which gradually left when you were about 8 or 9. We moved to a new town.
And then, suddenly, it seemed like school was a better option for you. Your Mom and I talked about it, and she got you enrolled. We were so proud when you tested at or above grade-level. We also decided that it might be better if I stayed in the background. Of the 3 schools you have entered since then, including the one you're in now, I have entered one - because you were sick and needed to be picked up.
In effect, I went back into the closet - as a parent, this time.
______________
There are some who will say that I'm letting "them" win - "them" being the folks who can't stand that your Mom and I want to have rights and relationships and families. Some of "those people" are well-intentioned, if misinformed. Sometimes they're just mean-spirited, or just defensive. Sometimes they get under my skin, and sometimes I want to get as snarky and shitty and loud as they are; sometimes I let myself.
"They" might be pleased to think that they have intimidated me, or shamed me into submission, or silence. "They" are wrong.
Instead, I am doing what every parent should do - I am choosing what I believe to be the best course of action for the safety and security and well-being of my kid. Life is hard enough, without the complications . . .
So is that the right thing to do? When I've asked you, you say that it doesn't matter - that you love me and support me whatever I decide to do. I know that you mean it. You say that you are old enough to take care of yourself, and that you can handle people, even the shitheads. I know that you believe that. But here's what I see:
I see you moving among adults with charm and ease, able to speak your mind articulately, and with well-mannered grace.
I hear you on the phone with friends from school, laughing like the little boy I once knew, striding from room to room like a limber colossus, tossing the hair out of your eyes as you throw your head back to laugh even harder.
I read your report card, and see that you are capable of making a mistake now, and correcting it through effort.
You are poised on the brink of manhood, and I am so proud of you.
So is it the right thing for me to do? To stand down for a bit?
My Giant - I love you.
For you I would fight to the moon and back. Or stand down for a bit.
Perhaps, in a few years, we will work together on making a better world.
Perhaps, by our very existence and love and committment, we already are.
With All My Heart,
Tia Owl
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Is this gorgeous. I am so sorry that your boy had to suffer because of other people's fears and shitheadedness. I like to think that all of the kids in my kids' school districts who had two mommies or daddies don't go through this, but maybe they do, and suddenly I'm ashamed that I just assumed it was easier for them here. After all, my kids have grown up with my being friends with lesbians. But I know there's homophobia here, and I've gotten into dinner-table clearing fights with people I thought were my friends over shit they've said.
I am so glad that you have such a fantastic relationship with the giant. You are a great parent. I admire your resolve.
It's a pleasure to know this side of you. Thank you!
Rated
my heart is broken by your story.
Big hug!
How blessed is Giant, to have his Tia…
As a mother of four, I can relate to going to any lengths for one's child.
There is nothing, more valiant or honorable a parent can do, than "surrender" one's (visible) parenthood for the sake of one’s child. Read Buffy's "Loss of Innocence." Your comments on my posts, had lead me to believe we share a kinship. I now understand.
It seems so many of us were pressured by the societal norms of our times, to publicly relinquish our heart and soul connections to our beloved children. Well, as those of you who have come to know her, VR proves that my decisions and sacrifices in that long-ago were dead-right-on. It appears that your well-adjusted, centered and generally happy son is all the proof you need to validate your own. Soon, Dear God, soon…LOVE will be recognized and valued as LOVE, with no antiquated judgments…no restrictions...
You are an inspiration. I can only hope that I am able to write such a poignant, loving, and honest memoir for each of my children.
--rated--
This line really got to me. How sad...and yet, how courageous and humble. I could stand to learn that lesson, to choose my battles more wisely. Instead, the slightest offense and I'm leaping up like Crazy Horse or William Wallace.
We need more parents like you. I wish those who judged you would realize that and look at the log in their own eye. Afterall, isn't it teaching our kids not to think and how to judge what is destroying us?
"Perhaps, in a few years, we will work together on making a better world.
Perhaps, by our very existence and love and committment, we already are"
you definitely are.
I think you were "called" to be a parent. And it's a great, treacherous, and humbling calling. So few of us do it well. I think you have done it greatly.
I send heaps of love and admiration to you. From one parent to another.
d
Hells Bells – Thanks. We will!
Sarah in USA – I agree - I hate to think of any child being abused. I also hate to think of your heart being broken . . . this is just one facet of parenting. The rest is alternately hilarious, boring, aggravating, infuriating . . . in other words, very, very normal!
Ablonde – Thanks. The Giant says that things in general are improving among his generation, at least in terms of tolerance for sexual orientation. I think that’s probably true.
Mothership – I’m honored by your comments about my comments! Societal norms can be a real bitch, can’t they? I was trying to explain this to a woman I worked for years ago. Her response was “plenty of foster parents probably feel much the same way, I would imagine.” I tried a few more times to explain the difference, and finally just gave up. Better to just live it, model it, show it. I figure if we can keep learning from each other, we’ll figure it out. I am likewise inspired and intrigued as I read your work, and enjoying getting to know you!
Lemonpulp – OMG – I know exactly the look you’re talking about!!! I answered the door a few weeks ago, only to find the mother of one of the Giant’s friends. I was not expecting her, and wasn’t even sure if I should invite her in. After a bunch of hem-hawing around, I finally agreed to make sure I got a message to the Giant’s Mom for her. Thing is, we live in a small town, with a not very branchy family tree, and we are foreigners – it’s not like people can’t do the math about who lives in our house! But so far, so good, mostly. Haven’t had any pitchforks, torches, or burning crosses in the yard yet, at any rate. BTW – I liked your post today too!
Noahvose – I’m learning to count to ten (or twenty). I’m always reminded of the Golden Rule (when I forget, it is often the Giant who reminds me). And I’m trying to remember about the log in my eye too. Trying to be conscientious totally sucks sometimes. Going head to head usually just ends up giving me a headache. I’m working toward a new fighting style that engages the heart. But occasionally, I give in to the urge to brawl.
Jimmymac – Amen, I hope to use that sometime – navigation vs. confrontation. Thanks for coming by!
Mamoore – Thanks for your kind words. I am glad if something in our story brings light to anyone – it validates our collective experience, and underlines the commonalities we share. In our house we say that he’ll always be Mom’s baby, but he’ll always be Tia’s boy. He’s exceedingly cool and confusing in his own right. And sometimes I wonder if any other kid could have survived us!
Nanatehay – The Giant seems to appreciate us most of the time, but you know how it goes – no one will know for sure until he’s 40!
BTW - I just read this to Raven, including the comments so far. She wanted me to tell you that she appreciates your support, and is genuinely touched – I whole heartedly agree. I’ll come back to this in a few minutes, because if I can, I’d like to acknowledge everyone who stopped by. Namaste.
Denese – We are also giants because of him – nothing makes me crazier than someone messing with my kid. He’s not perfect, and we’re totally in favor of him taking his lumps when he’s at fault or responsible (I hate it when parents think a bratty kid is perfect), but parenting, ideally, brings out the best in us (along with the worst).
I’m glad that I answered the call, as if I could have done any differently. If we did well, we can’t take all the credit – the Giant came into this life with a mind of his own, and perhaps the “rightest” thing we did was to figure that out. What has worked so far with him could fail next week, or next year, and might not work with any other kid. So yeah, humility is always in order!
Tijo – I really can’t apologize for it in good conscience. Sometimes, though, it’s frustrating to be sidelined when I want to be in the game. Anymore, I’m trying to find a “middle way,” some means of changing the dance which will then change the dynamic of the fight. It might never happen, but if I don’t try, I’ll never know.
Gary, Steve, Mr. Mustard – Those are great compliments, thank you.
Emilee – We’re doing well, thanks; it’s been a long haul, but we’ve never been lacking in love!
Mrs. Michaels – I believe that having folks around you who love and support you can overcome a world of worrisome things. Extended family is sometimes the best kind!
OEsheepdog, AnniThyme – Thanks for coming by and leaving kind words.
Scoubidou – so true. Such a kerfuffle has been made about the word “marriage,” I’m wondering if they’ll try to take the word “family” out of our self-description as well. Seriously, it was an enormous breakthrough when my parents began using the word “family” to describe us, even in prayer. I asked my Dad about it later, and he said that it’s up to God to decide what a family is – I’m still not sure what to make of it, but it smells like progress, so I’ll take it.
JK – little by little, we’re getting there. I’m hoping that if the Giant has kids, the world will have resolved at least this stuff. Of course, then we’d all have to find something else to argue about. I’m honored by the Digg offer; I’m leaning toward yes, but let me read this again by daylight and discuss with Raven, just in case.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m crashing for the night. My prayers will include gratitude for your comments and support. We all have our stories, this one is me and my family. By comparison to many of our friends, including many of you, these struggles are small potatoes. Blessings on us all as we journey.
Tijo was commenter # 2 after you. Tijo said:`
I wish we could hug through the computer.'
I thought that everybody already did that?
My screen has lipstick, butter, jam spots.
Reads here are great for procrastination?
I'd not be bashful. We can brush our teeth.
Use the spray bottles of ammonia cleaner?
I love the human love stories. Complication?
I do not do poop diapers through computers.
Sometimes I smack misbehaviors on the butt.
I'm beginning to have wet dream nightmares.
I best try to see if Cary Tennis has good advice.
"Life is hard enough without the complications."
My belly button is tilted to the right. It works?
My computer button won't allow smacking folk?
I'd give love-taps if my Comment Button worked.
A Open Letter makes a human heart pitter-pat left.
Nature placed the heart on the left. Belly Buttons?
That button is in the dead center. No get drafted?
If Ya shot in a tummy, a belly button looks funny?
I am just saying:`Life is the way it is. Appreciates.
My Mother said:`It's to not fight against. It Flows.
I wish we could say all we'd like in the public forum.
I agree that some parents breed Wall Mart urchins?
They are drugged through law school and slaughter.
Rumi wrote:`God gives porcupine hides to the saints.
Creepy people make me scream;`Ya limp parsnip prick.
I think it's gonna be another Wild Day Momma & B.O..
*kicks the shitheads*
Who gave you the right, shitheads, to be judge, jury and executioner of what is right or wrong? *kicks them again just because he can*
*wanders off*
(Rated of course! :) )
Don - I hear you. It takes balls to do something different, and I applaud your stand to be a man, and take care of your family - in the end, that's what it's all about. As for the timbers and specks in eyes, I try to not poke it when I point out a timber - when I'm pissed, it's really tempting.
"Life is the way it is. Appreciates.
My Mother said:`It's to not fight against. It Flows."
So very, very right, whether we remember it or not.
Tink - you incomparable defender of what is right and what is funny and what is surreal - thank you. :~)
Rated with a hug, too.
1_I_Mom – Bless you, I wish it of all of us too!
Bella – No doubt. And good choice with the Unitarians – they seem to have a good balance of questioning and knowing that some questions don’t have answers. And they’re not afraid to draw wisdom from multiple sources. It’s a good way to explore, in my humble opinion.
Hugs all around!
My niece and her partner Connie have three kids, a little girl and a set of twins, and they are the best parents I know. (Luckily for them, they're in progressive-minded Ann Arbor.)
Michael - In a way, I do carry this around. We're very like every parent in the world, judging ourselves constantly, and afraid of the judgement of other parents and "authority figures." In daily life, I focus on the commonality of the experience - we're all much more alike than unalike. That, in itself, is often an education - for me too!
I wish you lived in my town. Better, I wish you didn't need to. My son moved through public school arm in arm with children of every race and family composition. He knew who had 2 moms, 2 dads, and who had only one of either, or one of each. And from day one of kindergarten, it was no big deal. Birthday parties, school functions-- as parents, we were all in it together.
The schools made it clear: this is what would be. No tolerance for bullying. Lots of conversation about difference and conflict resolution, etc.
I love your Giant - you wrote a beautiful sentence that included colossus in it. What an apt description of an adolescent boy!
I live right around Northampton, Mass., which is one of the the gay capitols of the world, so it is shocking to me that you would ever have to hide.
I have to constantly remind myself that this little bubble is not shared by, say, the next town just south of liberal la la land.
It makes my heart ache to think of you - this amazing and powerful and shaping force - being denied your fucking human rights.You and the Giant are an inspiration, and a reason to get my radical ass off the couch/computer chair/ computer. ok the last one will never happen.
I congratulate you for being an amazing parent.
I have one question about this:
"The professionals . . . announced their verdict - either bi-polar, or attachment disorder, or both. "
Were the professionals psychiatrists or school employees?
I have heard of school employees making diagnoses that they are far from competent to provide. Having had my share of psychiatric care over the years, I have noticed that very competent healthcare professionals step gingerly around diagnoses, because they are not easy to nail. In my limited experience psychiatrists are more to apt to say "could be" or "may be" than "either . . . or . . . or both."
Helen – Some days are better than others, but on the whole, I think we do pretty well.
Lea – Thanks! Sometimes we celebrate parental holidays together, sometimes we make our own “Tia Day.” The coolest thing about being a Tia at our house is that I don’t even have to share a title – I have my own! Actually, of course, the coolest thing is that I get to share the Giant – he’s a helluva guy.
Tanya – I save tragedy for deaths, for the most part – it’s one aspect of our lives in real time. Knowing that there are towns like yours, though, gives me hope for the rest of the country. I have to believe that love prevails, and that light beats darkness.
Aim – we make our human rights, in that I want our family to be legally recognized, but am well aware that a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think this is part of trying to make my rights human. Does that make sense?
KSchecter – They were school employees, and I think well-intentioned. In that setting, they came across as “professionals.” Once we tore ourselves down off the ceiling, we decided to take a “wait and see” approach with it, especially after the Giant was out of the school. It was a factor in our decision to home-school, because we were very aware that the content of those discussions was probably in his file, and would follow him for the rest of his time. Teachers are human – they read the labels just like anyone else.
Good Grief!? When will we move forward?
XXXOOO
ConnieMack – According to the Giant, who is in high school, things are getting better, it’s just slower than some of us want it to be. Thanks for stopping by!
What a gut wrenching decision. There is no right or wrong answer here. These are very personal decisions. You followed your heart and did what you felt was best for you and your loving family. For that, I applaud you and admire your inner strength.
Countless children grow up in our society being teased, ridiculed and/or ostracized because of their sexual orientation, or in this case, that of their parents. One can’t even begin to fathom the amount of psychological harm that has been inflicted due to ignorance, homophobia and/or intolerance. Although we’ve come very far in the last 20 years, we have miles to go before we sleep.
Anyhow, your love for your child shines through in this beautiful post. You are a parent in every way that really matters.
Great post!
Faith – I’m always glad when what I’m writing gets across what I’m trying to say, and in this case, it must have. My love for the Giant is solid.
LaCaptiana – Thanks, and welcome!
Scupper – Amen and amen.
Caruso – I think you’re right. Baby animals seem to have the same effect on some of us! When they’re waking us up at 2am and 3am and 4am, it’s what keeps us from running away screaming – great survival mechanism, that sneaky pheromone.
Gwendolyn – Thank you for your kind words – we try, you know? We’ve thought about relocating, but it hasn’t been practical – gotta go to where the work is. I think, though, that the Giant is making an impact in our little neck of the woods, just by being his awesome self. Which means maybe we’re in the right place afterall.
Robin – It’s just life, right? If I really dwelled on this aspect of life every single day, it would kill me. But there is also so much beauty in the world, and in our family, that it ultimately offsets a lot of bullshit! Blessings back at you.
I want to believe that the world is getting better. I keep sensing our culture lurching forward, and as we do, some retreat further into shrill, judgmental insults and rage. They are so afraid, and have no idea that there is nothing to fear, no threat at all. The people who teach their kids to insult and bully this way - they remind me of those pictures of Little Rock High School, all those dressy ladies screaming, their faces contorted with fury. I often wonder if any of those people look at those pictures now and feel terrible shame. I wonder what their grandkids must feel, seeing their grandparents in their history books.
You are a lovely person and a brave and selfless parent. I wish I and my children could know your family, just so we could enjoy the unconditional love and grace and friendship that shines in this post. I hope you feel so proud of your writing today. You have touched many hearts.
Few things are harder to bear than having the world hurt our kids. Good for you for doing what you had to do for your son.
This is the real harm in bias against gay parents--that it harms families. Real families.
I hope this hateful mindset is changing as the young take over. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with a country that a few good funerals won't fix.
Annette2009 – Thank you for your insight regarding the world getting better. According to the Giant, it is getting better, even in our little corner of nowhere. In many cases, I think parents are unaware that their kids are aping their attitudes; they don’t necessarily recognize the mirror they’ve created. From an entirely objective point of view, it’s pretty fascinating. I’m certain that we would enjoy knowing your family; it’s always a joy to meet people who challenge themselves to think. I am absolutely blown away at the response this post has received – I am honored by it. Namaste.
Librarienne – thanks for coming! I’m usually the late one to anywhere, so fear not . . . and it looks like you weren’t alone :~). Blessings.
Lainey – To me, it seems like the only right choice – there’s no way I can fight everybody all the time, nor did I want the Giant to live under attack all the time. As for converting the rant – thanks. In the same way that I get really tired of hearing the same tired rhetoric/insults/bullshit from the “opposition,” I get really tired of hearing my own anger. I needed to break the cycle within myself. I’m not promising that I’ll never rant again, but it felt really good to take a different route. “They” always want to make it personal – well, let’s get personal! Thanks, Lainey – I bow in return.
O’stephanie – So true – if you want to hurt me, I’ll live; I might even turn the other cheek. If you hurt my kid, goddess have mercy on your soul. The Giant says it’s getting better, so there’s hope! As for the funeral, the opposition is probably saying the same thing! Blessings, and thanks for being here.
Y Heron – God/dess bless your sweet heart! (I guess that goes for everyone here so far, actually) We make differences in our communities even in the subtle ways we support each other, including through moments like the ones we have here on OS. Raven and I were discussing this last night – what we do for the least of these, what we stand up for, our issue or not, is still important. We teach our children to look out for each other by first looking out for them, to the best of our ability. I could go on and on. Blessings, Heron!
Shivaun – All things considered, we are very lucky and happy. Compared to what many suffer, including in world, in our country, in our states, in our towns, in the name of whatever label hate is going by at the time (racism, sexism, homophobia, bullying, etc.) we are practically unscathed. I had not thought of COLAGE, but I’m glad you brought it up! We’ve been living far enough from larger cities for so long, I had forgotten!
Voicegal – Welcome at any time . . . I’m late to everything, it seems, so it’s all good. ::hug:: for that last thing you said, right before the rated.
When he is older, your Giant son will understand the great sacrifice you've made to keep him safe, healthy, happy and whole.
I'd like to think that if James Dodson's Focus on the Family could focus on your family for a minute through this post, their whole hard-hearted self-righteousness would come crashing down; but I know that some people are really tough customers. They are a long way and we are a long way from the truly loving, family-supportive society they proclaim they want.
Any child would be blessed to have you both for parents.
I don't think there is a "right" thing to do in this situation - because other people have taken away the possibility of things being right. There's only the best thing to do, as far as you can figure out, with your limited ability to see the situation and your human inability to see into the future. Your love is amazing and inspiring and that counts for a lot.
I'm also really mad at those "professionals." Diagnosing a six-year-old as BIPOLAR? The poor old DSM was never, ever meant to be used to apply adult diagnoses to six-year-olds.
Tenacity – He does. For all of his Giantness, he’s pretty gentle. Thanks for coming by!
Max – I like the twist on James Dobson – he was considered quite the authority during my childhood. Progress is happening, though, one heart at a time, right?
Allie – I’ve come to the same conclusion for myself, and hope that our kids don’t have to make the same kinds of choices with their kids. As for the “professionals,” I sensed that they were trying to be helpful – in theory, when you catch an illness early, there is a greater likelihood that the treatment will succeed. They get bombarded with their due diligence, and what they believe is the right thing to do to help kids. It later came to light that the Giant’s Dad is bi-polar, which presents a somewhat greater likelihood that the Giant could be; since our family is aware of those possibilities, we keep an eye out for symptoms without being obsessive or fearful. But labels can be so misinterpreted, and so damaging to a kid – to anyone – and we didn’t want an unjust stigma to follow him around.
Delia – I think you’re right, and I know that the Giant seems content with my level of involvement. He clearly loves me, and knows that I love him, and frankly, his well-being matters more to me than any judgment I could place on myself, or could be placed on me, I think. Thanks, Delia, for coming by. :~)
It was refreshing to read your take on kids at the beginning of your piece (I'm in that not so "googly googly" camp and often feel badly about it.) It's nice to know that a child can grow on you, which I hope to happen to me as well someday.
I wish our culture were accepting and enlightened. Maybe one day we'll get there.
Keep up the good parenting work, overt and covert.
Paws way up!
Gracielou – Blessings on you, woman. We’re working it out, day by day.
Maria – Thanks so much!
Beth – LOL – if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. And thanks for your kind words – they mean a lot!
Risa – Thanks for coming by.
DogWoman – You know it. We’ll never stop – there’s no choice.
Dustbowldiva – Thanks for coming by. In our house we say, he’ll always be Mom’s baby, but he’ll always be my boy.
But I'd like to thank everyone who came by - blessings on all. Namaste.
How can one fail to see love, whichever way it comes?
So if I have it right, the family is the raven, the giant, and the owl.
Just amazing, Owl.
I know I'm just a bit (!) late to the party on this one, but I've been reading your stuff from the beginning and this one really hit me. I shared it with a good friend who has a (littler) Giant of her own. Her story is different, and sadder, in that her ex, the bio-mom of Little Giant, left her for someone else and there have been protracted court battles over whether my friend gets to stay a part of LG's life at all. She has tried, through it all, to put her son's needs first; after all, she loves him like crazy and was his primary parent for the first eight years of his life. So she has, for her own reasons, learned to be ok with being called "aunt" and taken steps to stay away when need be ... when his needs call for it. It is so sad that any of us have to publicly alter the realities of our families because of the hate, the inequality entrenched in the legal system, and the way things are (and sometimes, sadly, because we ourselves stop honoring our own families). I would rate this a dozen times if I could.