I can’t write fluff today, because I’m brooding about recent events and a number of troubling comment threads.
I can’t write serious today, because my thoughts are too jumbled. I read, I comment, I smoke, I get some work done.
I try to remember to eat before I get too hungry.
The pollen is flying thick and fast in a vicious (and viscous) attack on my respiratory system. The rain knocks down the pollen, but the barometric pressures are echoed in my sinuses.
And yet, for better or worse, I can’t not write.
Today, yet another misguided individual has taken up arms, killing a security guard at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC.
Last week it was the murder of Dr. Tiller.
The union of gay couples, under law, is overturned/upheld to the ire of many.
The economic woes of the US, and the world, are not just unresolved, but are deepening – at least from the viewpoint of we commoners.
Troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan, with no real end in sight. North Korea is flexing its bully muscles; the Taliban/Al-Qaeda are overrunning Pakistan; both have nuclear capabilities.
The Guantanamo Bay facility is still open – and no real progress toward establishing the disposition of detainees. Those who ordered/condoned/practiced torture are still walking around, except for the underlings swept up at Abu Ghraib.
And that doesn’t even begin to address the failings of our educational, healthcare, social services, and you-name-it systems.
Oh, and I almost forgot – Obama is utterly fucking the country, according to the right and the left (their reasoning/emotions may vary).
At this moment, any eloquence I may have ever possessed fails me utterly.
I am angry, hurt, exhausted, and a little afraid. I’ve been looking for more than a week for the hook, the frame, that would allow me to write about all of this. Either it’s not time for me to find it, or it doesn’t exist. Cartouche, as she often does, expresses it about as well as anyone could, I think, in her post, “At What Cost Freedom of Speech?” I highly recommend reading it twice.
The rant that I would love to write and savor is absolutely impotent compared with the love and sorrow I’m feeling for the world right now, including and especially OS. I’m tired of the slings and arrows flung by both sides of every issue. I am quick to anger, and could react with words – quite possibly lowering myself to the levels of people with whose ideas I disagree (PWWIID).
But something in me pulls back, most of the time – I do not want the standard to which I hold myself to be influenced by PWWIID.
When I generalize, when I assume I know what someone believes or thinks, when I paint those I perceive as opponents with a broad brush – when I perceive them as opponents – I miss the opportunity to learn. Sometimes I recognize a tactic or tone I don’t want to use; sometimes I discover an angle I would never have seen – either their side or mine; sometimes I am simply baffled by what sounds like absurdity.
Once in a great while, I can and must concede a point.Look - I don’t know how to change the world. I’ve only got a very tiny locus of influence – that’s where I’m starting. Even then, I cannot change anyone, or anything. I can change myself, my interaction with the world.
I do not want the world to change me.
My parting thought:
They drive to the left on Falls Road
The man at the wheel's name is Seamus
We pass a child on the corner he knows
And Seamus says,"Now, what chance has that kid got?"
And I say from the back,"I don't know."
He says,"There's barbed wire at all of these exits
And there ain't no place in Belfast for that kid to go."
Chorus
It's a hard life
It's a hard life
It's a very hard life
It's a hard life wherever you go
If we poison our children with hatred
Then, the hard life is all they'll ever know
And there ain't no place in (Belfast) for these kids to go
(Chicago)
(this world)
A cafeteria line in Chicage
The fat man in front of me
Is calling black people trash to his children
He's the only trash here I see
And I'm thinking this man wears a white hood
In the night when his children should sleep
But, they slip to their window and they see him
And they think that white hood's all they need
Chorus
I was a child in the sixties
Dreams could be held through TV
With Disney and Cronkite and Martibn Luther
Oh, I believed, I believed, I believed
Now, I am a backstreet driver from America
I am not at the wheel of control
I am guilty, I am war I am the root of all evil
Lord, and I can't drive on the left side of the road
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Joan Wilder
Yawp
Roger Fallihee
michael reid rubenstein
amittaizero
ronnierayjenkins
Salon.com
Comments
A great big hug!!!
:)
You know ... when you're making pasta or potatoes and the phone rings and you turn your back for one second and then the shit boils over all over the stove and leaves that starchy residue that takes liquid nitrogen to get it cleaned off ... yhea ... sometimes I feel like that too ...
Sleep well tonight, dearie.
This post gave me a break. And inspiration and resolve.
Thank you.
I'll give you my trick, though I often come up short. Yes, the world around me is insanely evil and misguided, but does that change my job? I still have to love and reap what I sow. And pity the world that does not follow suit.
Your words are inspiring. Thank you.
And oh, how I love Nanci Griffith. She sums it all up! Thanks for that.
B) The world does seem to be going to hell in a handbasket
c) BUT:
all we can do is improve ourselves and our lives
one day at a time
moment to moment
if we begin with genuine self love and spreading that love outwards
MAYBE this will
begin a chain reaction
of change.
It's all we can do.
However, I can totally relate to your post.
1_I_M – Hugs to you too – always nice to know we’re not alone! (Liquid nitrogen . . . now THERE’s an idea . . .)
Wakingupslowly – Nanci hit me just right tonight, so I had to share. Sleep well too, waking.
Aim – Thanks for coming by.
Harry – Agreed, on all counts. Namaste.
Mr. Mustard – You inspire me, with each of your posts.
Maria – Yes! And the flowers, the clamatis, were a meditation in their own right.
Poet – I wholeheartedly agree. And I’m beginning to think that it’s the only approach that might actually make something different happen – in fact, one of your recent posts reminded me of some of those principles.
Yarn – I’m with you – what you’re listing are parts of my “plan.”
Cartouche – Blessings on you, woman – I know you do - I feel yours too, including in your comments. I was part way through my ramble when I broke off and read your post tonight, and had to reference it.
Suzie - :~) Still swimming.
Rated for synchronicity!
"And I wonder sometimes what will I pass on
How much can one voice do with just a song
Sometimes injustice and indifference are all that I see
But I refuse to let my hope become the latest casualty
So I'll sing of love and truth and try to practice what I preach
If I can't change the world, I'll change the world within my reach
What better place to start than here and now with me and you
We are only passing through."
Passing Through -Catie Curtis and Mark Erelli
I sing this song loud in the car when I am feeling like you are now. It's great therapy!
That's all we're asked to do.
When things look truly desperate, and even hopeless, remember this: When we're all gone, life and truth lives on. Nothing we humans can do will ever touch that. That's where I find my peace. Then, I just have to remember to always re-evaluate my own perceptions, focus on my own weaknesses, and remember that winning is not the goal...having the will to continue is. By continuing, you've already won.
ApacheSavage & Larry - :~) I appreciate you guys!
Mamoore – Perfect song! Just reading the words brought a lump to my throat.
Mumbletypeg – You’re probably right – if I’m writing, it means my spirit is still alive.
Markinjapan – Blessings and peace upon you, brother.
Noahvose – I know you’re right about that –on all points. Thank you for your additional wisdom and confirmation that we are fighting the good fight. I do know it, but in challenging times, it’s hard to see any progress. Bu then, I guess that’s the essence of faith.
Steve – That’s probably true. Even looking closer to home shows me that it is true. And I think we’ll all muddle through.
"I can change myself, my interaction with the world."
Yes you can!!
Wishing you peace, calm and good sleep tonight. And do take LNL's advice about the saline rinse; they are wonders of the world.
When I feel the weight of collective disappointments I tell myself to remember to step back...usually the broader picture is more complete than the little corner I let my focus gravitate too.
I hope this morning the sun is out, the birds are singing and kind people here have helped to lift your spirits so that you may get back to a place of hope.
AshKW – I did sleep well last night, and intend to do so again tonight. The writing helped. And the comments have helped too – there’s something about knowing we’re not alone that can make all the difference in the world.
Buffy – Although the sun is still hiding out, I have to say that the kindness of the many commenters here (and Raven’s input this morning) have helped tremendously. In sports, we used to say “shake it off” when someone made a mistake, or took a hit – essentially, we’re reminding ourselves of that now.
Delia – That’s very kind of you, especially when any writing feels a bit struggling. Thanks for coming by!
Cap’n – You know it, brother.
Rated for real writing.
I loved the song. Your list of what is going on was very good. Hell, sometimes the worst part of it is just getting the list down of everything that is going on.
Thanks
Mike - Blessings, Hippy Mike. Your work inspires me.
The Owl says Who...
...I say You!
We also empathize wholly with the agony of living as sensitive souls in the world beyond OS. It is indeed demoralizing to witness the accumulation of hateful acts, infuriating injustices, war-blasted corpses, and disappointing double-speak from those who once offered hope. But our hope lies not in the powerful, but in people like you, who possess the courage to bear witness on behalf of the oppressed.
This piece sent me (Melissa) googling to confirm a Rod Serling quote that was dancing at the fringes of my mind. I couldn’t remember exactly what it was, nor did I have any success finding it. But the search led me to another quote that seems even more appropriate for this post:
“I shall live bad if I do not write and I shall write bad if I do not live.”
Francoise Sagan
I fell asleep before I got a chance to write this comment last night, but this morning, the Rod Serling quote popped into my head, fully formed: “It is the duty of every writer to menace the public conscience.”
You’re in good company with your statement: “I don’t know how to change the world. I’ve only got a very tiny locus of influence – that’s where I’m starting.” Here’s what Helen Keller had to say along those lines:
“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
We’re grateful to count one as compassionate as yourself among our new friends. Let all of us continue accomplishing our small tasks, which together have the potential to become something great and noble.
m&m
Metaness – I’m honored by your visit! And thank you for your encouragement – the quotes you cite shall be posted prominently near my desk to remind me. And amen – “Let all of us continue accomplishing our small tasks, which together have the potential to become something great and noble.”
I think most of us who write here and actually "care" mirror the sentiment you expressed here--thank you.
I often get childrens' liquid allergy medicine because the other stuff last for ever in my system (if it says eight hours it lasts sixteen...) there is also a dry form of vitamin A that I sometimes take when I am getting stuffy. It is hard to find so I get it on line just look for Dry A. No side effects but sometimes it makes me drier than I want.
No pills for the doldrums. Just this. Years from now you and the missus won't remember the car problems, the money issues, the little things, you won't personally remember the shootings of the last few weeks and you will have survived whatever economic disaster we are going through these things are all real but they are also temporary. You have a great life with a great wife and Kid Colossus, balance reading about all the shit in the world with sitting on the porch and waving at neighbors or write a real letter to an old friend you lost touch with or just do something silly. You don't have to take personal responsibility for what the rest of the crazy Americans do but if you want to, then make a batch of cupcakes to share with the world every time one of us does something horrendous. Or just stop and think about how much love there is for you at this site. I never get forty comments and I even mentioned enemas in my last blog title :)>
Anyway here is my late addition to your comments. And a few extra hugs for when you need them. OOOOOOO
For me critical thinking (especially about my own beliefs) is empowering. Skepticism and science illuminate a natural world full of amazing natural processes and interactions that fill me with awe. I find comfort in considering the 13.5 billion year history of our universe, and in the improbability of life on Earth.
I'm leaving for the desert in a few days to watch stars whirl overhead and listen to coyotes. The light I might see from the Andromeda Galaxy is 2.5 million years old.
Go outside. Breathe.
fingerlakeswanderer – I often have that same sensation, that I’m reading someone who is practically writing my thoughts. I find it encouraging that many of us are striving for a greater good, and that we can support each other in that effort.
Lea – Amen. The light shines brightest in the dark.
This is a wonderful piece, I can feel you from here...and thank you for reminding me that I don't want the world to change me either. xox
Thanks. I respect your opinion greatly, and the woman behind that opinion. One day at a time, right?
everyday write one every other day, and if you can’t do that
write one every third day, and if you can’t do that
write one when the muse hits you—when two words
explode in your head, appearing out of nowhere.
Whatever you’re doing when that explosion hits,
stop, and write down the sound of that explosion
because if you wait ‘til later, it’s lost--absolutely.
Dang! I think that's how I got in my rut, come to think of it.
So next time I'll just dive in and hope I don't hit my head.
Loved this piece!!!
peece,
dj
That won't make the problems go away and we won't be putting our heads in the sand, but we can, perhaps, then focus a bit on the issues that are really eating on us and try to rally support for them. I did that on the torture issue and that has not changed, but at least several of us here on OS are now watching it closely, and have sent letters and emails to TPTB and will not let the issue just die.
Glad you wrote this. A LOT of us feel exactly the same way at times.
Monte