What I haven't written about is pride.
Specifically, I haven't written about "gay pride."
Last week, I read a post by Constant Calliope, I'm Not All That Proud, Really, and although I saw her point, it bummed me out.
This week, I read some stuff that made me smile - a post by Leslie Fenton, Gay Marriage in New York: How We Got Here, and one by girlyboymama, The Many Faces of Pride.
Each of them made me think about pride, and what pride means to me.
I've written a bit about the challenges of living in small towns. About why I call Raven my wife, even with no legal standing. About being an invisible parent some of the time, and wondering when it's right to step forward, and when I need to step back. I wrote a piece two years ago regarding what it feels like to live in seeming isolation, with little sense that there is anyone "like us." I've written about fundamentalist beliefs which sometimes still plague me, and about gender identity, sort of.
But I haven't written about what a sight like this does for my heart and soul:
This year, our little family joined some friends this year for a pride celebration.
We celebrated being us. Under the blazing sun, Raven and I relaxed and held hands . . . among a bunch of other people of every conceivable shape, size, ethnicity, and age who just nodded and smiled. And danced. The Giant watched the parade with me, and bought a hat that says "Be Who You Are" and a shirt with a gradient rainbow. He was fine, whether hanging out with us "old folks," and wading through the crowd alone.
And, at the end of the day, when I told the Giant it was time to go, his response was:
"Cool, Tia. This was really great, but I'm ready to go home and chill out."
Last weekend, since there's no father in our household, we had "Tia's Day." The Giant has a part time job, and he had a surprise for me. In addition to an amazing card, he presented me with this:
My gay pride is that, in spite various prejudices, obstacles, and pressures; in spite of the apparent isolation in which we live; in spite of the disapproval of biological relatives and dogmatic religionists . . . in spite of it all, we've been a family for nearly 16 years.
My gay pride is that my wife is my wife, and my son is my son, even without legal sanction.
My gay pride is the love our family shares - Raven and me and The Giant.
My gay pride is that we exist, in relative peace, compared to even 10 or 15 years ago.
And for that, I celebrate.
That and the fact that my kid, at 17, isn't to old to play with me . . .
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Brazen Princess
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Comments
"My gay pride is the love our family shares - Raven and me and The Giant."
That brings a tear to my eye. Oh wait, men don't get tears, it must be a speck of dust...
It was great to see you here posting; you have been missed.
Kim
I can't imagine growing up gay in this country. I can't imagine what people have to say to themselves in order to ostracize and abuse people because they are gay.
I can't imagine what it's like to put your life on the line because you simply love someone. gays are treated deplorably and I'm so glad, so fucking outrageously glad that they passed this bill in NY and hopefully will continue passing gay rights and gay marriage bills across the country.
so glad to see you. big hug owl.
New York's new legislation must have made this Gay Pride Day the best ever. So very happy that you are happy.
I miss you.
I was waiting for your take on that piece (loved what Pontifica had to say, btw,) and now this. We're all proud of you.
Happy Pride to you and yours.
Also, chasing bunnies is fun and when you catch them, well, you know!! :D
`
hayblaean-Julie ..
`
I always espouse (in some cases) natural law. Why merry?
I mean `
Wonder off into a wood lot, cornfield. cow pasture, meadow, Hayfield,
Potato patch?
Corn has ears.
Potato has eyes.
It'd personal.
`
To Live Happily Ever After is a Awful -
High, and difficult standard to keep.
Mules get out of step. Some get lame.
Marriage is a fine thing if people stay.
The reality is some enmity may enter.
`
Owl_Say_Who - I always think of you.
The owls hoot and entertain we folks.
I know I miss much. O, happy day, ay!
`
Whatever gender, persuasion and drift`
`
When I give marriage present to anyone?
I gift wrap bullfrogs. It's glad to be rapped?
No.
hooked?
unhooked.
bullfrogs are happy to be out of the gift box.
The bullfrog hops out and says hi, ah, ribbit.
Smithery - It felt good to write again . . . I've missed being here. Once in awhile, Raven and The Giant and I literally sit around and look at each other and count our blessings.
Rosy - Having read from whence you come, I know you understand what family means . . . and what pride is about.
Joan H. - You've written some fine gems yourself, Lady. Good to see you!
Kimberly - AKA Unbreakable - It has been too long, no? I'll pass the hugs around.
Monkey - We can certainly hope that the rest of the country follows the example of NY, and IA, and MA. And frankly, it's gotten mostly much better . . . one of the things that's great about pride is the gathering, and the fellowship thereof . . .
OEsheepdog - Thanks, man. It's good to see you . . .
LL2 - Amen! And thanks, my friend.
Candace - Thank you . . . we feel incredibly blessed.
Lea - The NY news is definitely icing on the cake!
D Art - Sweet Duane, I miss you too.
rita - Up hill is where one gets the best views . . . and you all remind me that I need to write more.
Matt - Proud to know you, too.
Scarlett - I agree with Pontifica whole-heartedly. Happy Pride to us all.
Oryoki - Although I didn't comment, I enjoyed your piece very much. I noticed that you got to meet mishima666, too. He's got a very strong point of view . . .
surly - Indeed.
Mimetalker - Thanks, my friend.
Monsieur - Amen! We love who we love.
Thoth - Yep . . . it's all good. Even in our little bass-ackwards red state.
Tink - Yes, yes yes!
aim - Thanks, sister. Back atcha'!
Stim - Our boy is pretty cool; no question that we got pretty lucky there.
mypsyche - I know you know it, sister.
Dr.Spud - Thanks, man!
Julie - You too.
Art James - Art James!!! I so dig your comments. You totally made my day.
AHP - Thank you, Pilgrim. I know you read with your heart as well as your mind.
Ken - It was amazing, in spite of the fencing, which is different than years past. And the weather cooperated, too!
greenheron - Laughter is part of what has gotten us through the many, many challenges . . .
Buffy - I always hope that my pride shows through. It's a simple thing, part of a fairly simple life. Thank you for celebrating with us.
Stephen - Thank you. I feel the same way about you - your courage, your ability to articulate, your approach to life - I admire you very much.
Tom - Hang in there, buddy . . . as they say, it gets better. And when it doesn't, we keep trying to make it so.
I wonder if that pride really manifests itself in a more tangible or obvious way when celebrating that feeling with others. Of course, it does in subtler ways at other times, as you pointed out. But the gatherings - I think that's when you feel a hit of it.
We miss out on that so much in today's world; simply gathering to celebrate who we are and share hugs and laughs with our community. That's so galvanizing.
Oh and congrats on your gift! Lucky you. Oil it up so its more flexible.
thanking God you were born gay.
No, not really. Just a bit of hyperbole to honor your
noble soul.
thanking God you were born gay.
No, not really. Just a bit of hyperbole to honor your
noble soul.
Mission - I figure my/our experience isn't substantively different than anyone's . . . the name of the challenge may be different, but a challenge is a challenge.
Beth - It seems to me that the gatherings are helpful, that sometimes, celebrating with others does make it seem more tangible. At the very least, it makes us feel less alone.
Algis - Thanks, man . . . I do try, in my own subtle way.
James E. - Hyperbole is all part of the fun, especially during pride!
Linnnn - I feel the same way about you, Ms. L.
Hawley - We keep putting one foot in front of the other . . . I think that's how we maintain progress, and honor those who have gone before.
Mama Lou - It is so good to see you here! Thank you, and blessings back on ya'!
Progress feels good, doesn't it?