Peterson Toscano's Blog

ruminations of a queer performance artist

Peterson Toscano

Peterson Toscano
Location
Hartford, Connecticut, USA
Birthday
February 17
Company
p2son productions
Bio
Musings of Peterson Toscano, a quirky queer Quaker where he writes about sexuality, gender, faith, veganism and so much more! Peterson is the creator of Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House. An actor, playwright and activist his other works include Transfigurations, a play about transgender Bible characters

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OCTOBER 15, 2009 3:46PM

Privileges of Non-Transgender People

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I write this from over 10,000 feet as I travel to Phoenix for TransForm Arizona, an event that will unite the LGB with the T :-D My friend Zeke, a cook Quaker in Boston, has spent a lot of time thinking about gender. Perhaps Zeke will share some of the journey at some point, but recently Zeke posted something on Facebook that I asked if I could share here at the blog. It is a Cisgender Privilege Checklist. I heard the term Cisgender for awhile and had no idea what it meant other than non-transgender. According to Wikipedia,

Cis-" as a prefix of Latin origin, meaning "on the same side [as]" or "on this side [of]", with several derived usages: * In chemistry, cis- refers to cis-trans isomerism * In molecular biology, cis- refers to cis-acting * In gender studies, cis- refers to cisgender
The funny thing about privilege is that typically the privileged are mostly unaware of their privileges (it's part of the privilege). The way the world treats them just seems normal until they get to hear other people's experiences. No President Left Behind When I wrote my play The Re-Education of George W. Bush--No President Left Behind!, I interviewed about 20 African-American women in Hartford, CT where I live (well where I keep my stuff). I asked them, "As a white guy, if I woke up as a Black woman tomorrow, how would my life be different?" It served as an excellent way to discover some of the privilege I have as a male who is also white. I then wove the content of their interviews into a monologue by Tex, a white guy from Texas who has to live as a Black woman for a week. Absurd perhaps but almost always the most well received part of the play as Tex recounts his discoveries of the privileges he has because of his skin color and gender. He realizes that he lives with a curtain shielding his view from many of the inequities in the world around him, and the privileges he enjoys that many of his neighbors do not, and only when something terrible happens, like Hurricane Katrina, does he see firsthand the injustice that some people experience because of their race and class. But as soon as he does, "It's like a voice comes out of I don't know where saying, 'Shh, shh! It's just a nightmare; go back to sleep.'" Tex decides he is not going back to sleep anymore. Of course it will require him to reeducate himself continually. Check out Zeke's list below. For those of us who are not transgender, it can serve as a primer of sorts to some of the many complex and challenging issues transgender people face today. Seeing our privilege can be a stark and painful experience. Sometimes we react with defensiveness or criticism. Proceed with an open mind and a tender heart.

A Cisgender Privilege Checklist

This checklist was developed as resource in relation to Peggy McIntosh’s “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” Much of the source matter comes from: Cisgender Privilege.

Casual Offenses
  1. Strangers don't assume they can ask me what my genitals look like and how I have sex.
  2. My validity as a man/woman/human is not based upon how much surgery I've had or how accurately other people view my gender.
  3. Strangers do not ask me what my "real name" is and then assume that they have a right to call me by that name.
  4. People do not disrespect me by purposefully using incorrect pronouns even after they've been corrected.
  5. If I tell people about my gender, I don't have to hear "so have you had THE surgery?" or "oh, so you're REALLY a [incorrect sex or gender]?"
  6. I am not expected to explain to friends, family, or strangers what it means to be my gender, how I knew what my gender was, or whether my gender is just a “phase.”
Medical issues
  1. I expect that I will be able to access necessary medical care without lying.
  2. If I need hormone injections due to an inability to produce them on my own, it will be considered an “obvious” need.
  3. If I have them, my desires for various cosmetic surgeries are considered normal.
  4. I don’t need to prove how long I have identified as my gender in order to have my health needs taken seriously.
  5. I cannot be denied health insurance on the basis of my gender; my health insurance does not specifically exclude me from receiving benefits or treatments available to others because of my gender.
  6. The medical establishment does not serve as a "gatekeeper" denying my self-determination of what happens to my body, nor requiring me to undergo extensive psychological evaluation in order to receive basic medical care.
  7. I expect that if I am treated inappropriately by a doctor, my concerns will be taken seriously, and I will be able to find another doctor who will treat me appropriately.
  8. Treatments which are medically necessary for me are generally covered by insurance.
  9. People of my gender are not considered inherently “sneaky” by health/helping professions.
  10. I expect that medical professionals competent to treat my conditions exist outside of major cities, and in proportion to the demand for them. I expect no undue delay in access to routine medical services, and for such services to be available throughout the work day/week.
  11. I will not be required to have a “gender appropriate” sexual orientation in order to be treated by doctors and mental health providers.
  12. I expect that medical care will be crafted to suit my own particular needs. I expect to be able to access treatment A without accessing treatment B, if treatment B will do nothing to advance my particular needs.
  13. I do not have to worry that life-saving treatment will be withheld from me due to my gender, nor will all of my medical issues be seen as a product of my gender.
Other’s Perceptions
  1. If someone inaccurately genders me, I do not need to be afraid; I can assume it reflects more on them than on me, I can be amused or angry without calling into question what my “true” gender is.
  2. I do not have to worry whether my gender will be questioned by others seeing/hearing: pictures from my childhood, my identification or official documents, others’ language used to refer to me, my speaking and singing voice, or any of my body parts.
  3. I can expect to be appropriately gendered by others without having to worry about: my clothing, whether I like certain colors or styles, whether I am passive or aggressive, wearing specially designed clothing, or if I’m willing to lose sensation in my genitals and/or chest.
  4. I have never had someone tell me what my gender is, regardless of what I say my gender is. If someone mistakes my gender it will rarely continue to the point of an argument, a simple assertion of my gender will generally be enough to convince the other person.
  5. When initiating sex with someone, I do not have to worry that they won't be able to deal with my parts or that having sex with me will cause my partner to question zir own sexual orientation.
  6. Bodies like mine are represented in the media and the arts. It is easily possible for representations of my naked body to pass obscenity restrictions.
  7. Others’ appropriate understanding of my gender is not dependent on how rich I am.
  8. My gender is acknowledged universally, immediately, and without hesitation.
Safety
  1. If I am attacked by a lover, no one will excuse my attacker because ze was “deceived” by my gender.
  2. I do not have to worry about whether I will be able to find a bathroom to use or whether I will be safe changing in a locker room. I can use public showers without fear of being attacked for my genitalia.
  3. When engaging in political action, I do not have to worry about the gendered repercussions of being arrested.
  4. If I am unable to find clothing that fits me well, I will still feel safe, and recognizable as my gender.
  5. I don’t need to be constantly aware of how others perceive my gender.
Government/Bureaucratic issues
  1. When there are boxes to check on various forms, my gender will definitely be included.– I do not even need to acknowledge that there are other genders than those listed.
  2. I can expect my government-issued identification to accurately represent who I am. – If my identification does not, I expect to be able to remedy this quickly and easily, without added expense, undue delay, arbitrary criteria, or a necessity to present evidence or medical documents.
  3. My gender is not dragged into everything that happens to me. If I am involved in a lawsuit or attempt to access government-services that are not related to my gender, I can assume my gender will not be brought up, if it is, it will generally not be a hindrance.
  4. My gender will not make me immediately suspect to those with government sanctioned power (lawyers, judges, police, bureaucrats, etc.).
  5. My gender does not make me necessarily unfit to be a parent in the eyes of the law, regardless of what state I’m in.
  6. I expect my gender to not unduly affect my ability to travel internationally.
  7. I expect access to, and fair treatment within sex segregated facilities such as: homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, drug rehab programs, prisons, hostels, and dorms.
  8. I never have to wonder what to put down on legal or official forms when they ask for “sex” or “gender”.
  9. In no country in the world is it illegal to be my gender.
Emotional issues
  1. When I express my internal identities in my daily life, I am not considered "mentally ill" by the medical establishment.
  2. My experience of gender (or gendered spaces) is not viewed as "baggage" by others of the gender in which I live.
  3. I do not have to choose between either invisibility ("passing") or being consistently "othered" and/or tokenised based on my gender.
  4. I am not told that my sexual orientation and gender identity are mutually exclusive.
  5. I can attend “women-only” or “male-only” events or groups (if I identify as the gender listed) without fear of being seen as an interloper.
  6. I was never forced to wear gender inappropriate clothing in order to “fix” my gender, nor was I refused permission to engage in hobbies or behaviors I was interested in because others did not approve of my gender.
  7. Those who wrong me are expected to know that it is hurtful, and are considered blameworthy whether or not they intended to wrong me.
  8. I was trained into whatever gender was appropriate for me, and so I am prepared to live in my current gender, without having to go back and learn vital skills I was not taught when I was young.
  9. Commonly used terminology that differentiates my gender from other genders/sexes implies that I am normal, and that I have unquestionable right to the gender/sex I identify with.
  10. Those who tell jokes about my gender are assumed to be sexist.
  11. The sex/gender dichotomy does not have consequences in my life.

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This is a very interesting list, Peterson. As usual, you've given me a lot to think about. This is probably why there are so many transgendered people in San Francisco. There is so much exceptance of them there. I hope you'll continue to write more about this issue.

I think you have an amazing gift to be able to see life from so many different points of view. The fact that you use this gift to reach out to others is so admirable. I feel lucky to have connected with you.
Gwendolyn, we MUST hang out sometime soon. I am scheming a way. :-p
There is so much that we take for granted. What is the solution? How can we ever make our world understand such things? Individuals are smart, but people are stupid (sorry to quote MIB). It is hard enough to make an individual understand the above, especially since it is so far outside of their frame of reference. I am at a loss.
Great post.
This is an extremely comprehensive list. The only item on it that surprised me was the part about medical professionals viewing transgendered people as "sneaky." Why? Because they're forced to lie in order to get the care they need?
While I have no problem with your desire to be accepted as what you are, I don't see why insurance should pay for cosmetic surgery.

Further, I really think, given the logistics of sex, that it's entirely unreasonable to initiate sex when your partner has a completely different expectation of what sex will be like and then expect them to not have a problem. Even if you're demanding they be gender neutral as to their partner, sex is going to be a different act if the equipment is other than what the partner assumed it would be.

Equally, "My gender is acknowledged universally, immediately, and without hesitation," is a stretch, too. You're asking for a degree of perception beyond the average human, given that people not infrequently mess up straight male and female.
Well, that seemed a little harsh. I doubt any transgendered individuals would consider it "cosmetic surgery". This is a little bit along the lines of insurance companies paying for viagara but refusing to pay for birth control. They do it because they can. I am sure that it seemed okay to have separate facilities for African Americans and it seemed okay to make Jews live in ghettos, and sure, lock up anyone different, whether it is an actual mental illness or they are just of a different political or social view than "us", or they stepped outside of what was "okay" like getting pregnant at sixteen without the "aid" of a husband, or are homosexual; just throw them into an institution. Then we won't have to see them, right? After all, we wouldn't want to have to actually consider what it is like to be someone else, walk in their footsteps, or consider why we are the way we are, and instead just go along with the status quo and never discover all of the mysteries that lurk deep inside of us. Gasp, we might find out that one of the above is true of us as well.

We are so limited by our culturally-induced assumptions of what gender is or should be. It limits the range of experiences of EVERYONE, not just transgendered people.
Although I agree it will be difficult to clue the rest of the world into how WE ARE ALL different from what we are currently assuming. But so was Civil Rights and WWII. That didn't make it not worthwhile.
Hey all, I was traveling much of the day and this is the first I’ve been able to get back on-line to respond to comments. As I stated above,

For those of us who are not transgender, it can serve as a primer of sorts to some of the many complex and challenging issues transgender people face today. Seeing our privilege can be a stark and painful experience. Sometimes we react with defensiveness or criticism. Proceed with an open mind and a tender heart.

The most important skill an ally brings to the table, if indeed she or he wishes to be an ally, is the skill of listening with the intention of hearing the other person share their experience.

Many non-transgender people do not know much at all about the experiences of transgender people. If when we do, we get defensive or begin to minimize the experiences of the transgender person, we may need to simply be still and listen a little more.

Seeing privilege does not come easy. We deny its existence or somehow insert ourselves–“BUT it’s bad for ME too!!” No one denies that there is sexism and misogyny in the world. This post is not here to do that. It is to highlight a different form of oppression, one that at times overlaps some oppressions cisgender folks experience, but also one that is distinctly different.

Finally in looking at privilege of cisgender people and in the oppression of transgender people, we must acknowledge that feminists and cisgender lesbians have often taken the role of oppressor and police–not at all exclusively–but there has historically been times (and sadly this still happens) when feminists and cisgender lesbians have shut out transgender people–even among some Quakers I know. Good people get it wrong and need to learn new lessons.

I repeat,

For those of us who are not transgender, it can serve as a primer of sorts to some of the many complex and challenging issues transgender people face today. Seeing our privilege can be a stark and painful experience. Sometimes we react with defensiveness or criticism. Proceed with an open mind and a tender heart.
Shannon:
I'm willing to accept the idea that there's male, female, and a third gender, call it what you will. If someone has the body of one gender and feels like they are another gender, why can't that be enough? Why can't they be who they are with the body they have?

Surely if transgender people really reach a place of no discrimination, their body shape shouldn't be important. Isn't the surgery about convincing the rest of the world that they are something they aren't?

The human body runs a huge range from the very feminine and very masculine to androgyny. I just have a hard time seeing why I should pay because, say, someone doesn't feel feminine enough with the cup size she was born with.
Malusinka,
I am going to really let it all out there and reveal my own prejudices and personal experiences. I am doing this to open a dialogue, please (everyone) remember that I am not suggesting that my prejudices are okay, either to have or with me. I am not even meaning to compare my experiences with those of someone who is transgendered (because I do not feel that this would be fair).

First of all, my own experiences: as a young person (even before my teen years) I imagined myself as a boy. I have no idea why. It was not an all of the time thing, not by far, and often had a sexual connection. I felt (and do this day) disconnection to my gender. I dream as both genders, and regularly as people other than myself. I generally lack sexual attraction to either gender. Obviously, this does NOT make me transgendered. But it does give me a (small) sense of the bewilderment that they must feel.
Further, I appear extremely feminine. But I tend to reject gender roles. My current occupation, my expectations, my views of myself, the way that I present myself, and so many more elements fly right in the face of our gender expectations and roles.
When I was a teenager and was asked to describe myself, I would always start with my gender and my physical appearance. As I evolved, I realized that this is not who I am. It is a part of my physical self, not me, and who I am is as it is without the added element of my physical being. It is separate. I am person who happens to be a girl. That's it.
Second, my prejudice: My gut reaction, often at odds with my actual views, is to wonder why someone would ever want to change genders. But see, I feel disconnected from my gender. It is separate from myself and so it seems very strange to want to change that. I imagine this feeling is stronger in those that feel completely comfortable with their gender. And I see this attitude especially pronounced in those that are black and white people--you know, those that see the world as black/white, right/wrong, good/bad. It is either this or that, no grey area, no compromise. I personally believe that this is because they NEED to have this attitude, to see no possibility of differences or change. I believe this is because they sense something in themselves that they are afraid of and if they acknowledge such possibilities then they would have to explore this element in themselves. This is too scary so they close off the possibility.
Little story: A friend of mine was struggling with her marriage. I always tell her that she is/was the runaway bride (see the movie if you are wondering what I mean). Her husband is/was a black and white person (as she seemed to be as well) He is/was a fundamentalist Christian through and through. He was so sure of his beliefs, he would just laugh and ridicule anyone that was not a Christian. Good example of a black and white person. Someone that wouldn't understand a transgendered person's situation. Another little element: She called me up one day and proceeded to try to convince me that I should buy a double wide (trailer). Her husband had made her tour one and they were thinking of buying one. I told her, you can buy one but I personally dislike them. She wouldn't let it go. It was as if she needed to convince me in order to convince herself. Black and white people.

But my confusion at someone wanting change genders sometimes borders on anger and frustration and bewilderment. It seems ridiculous to me. But then I find it strange to wear make up, jewelry (I say, I am not a christmas tree, I don't need decoration), dye your hair, or have plastic surgery. Maybe it is because, at least in a rural backwoods community, I am in many ways more attractive than most (but definitely not all). Maybe if I looked old or ugly, I would want to change things.
Am I like my friend's husband? Ridiculing people because their belief system differs from my own? Or is it my ignorance of what they feel? Unable to really walk a mile in their shoes. But part of me still feels like they should leave their bodies alone. My lowest thought goes something like this: every time I hear about someone that is transgendered AND has been (severely) molested or abused as a child, I wonder if they are just trying to escape the self-hatred, the confusion, the awful feelings that they (presumably) have.
So I get what you said, they should just leave themselves alone. I understand where you are coming from, because I have had the same thought myself. BUT, and this is a big but, I realize that this thought has more to do with my own feelings and nothing to do with theirs. I respect their needs and wishes. It is not up to me to decide what, how, why, or any other element of their path. They can and will evolve however they need and wish to.

Your objection seems to arise from monetary concerns. I have a cousin that is very concerned with people having free stuff--free medical care, free housing, free food, free tuition. She says that she had to work for these things and so should everyone else. I can't help but wonder if they were provided to everyone, including her, if her objections would remain. I have encountered others with similar mentalities. Actually, I sometimes think that people should just pull themselves together and make something of themselves. But this isn't always possible and I (usually) figure it out before I make too much of a a@@ of myself. See it has more to do with me and my prejudices and nothing to do with what the individual in question is experiencing.
Malusinka,
I am going to really let it all out there and reveal my own prejudices and personal experiences. I am doing this to open a dialogue, please (everyone) remember that I am not suggesting that my prejudices are okay, either to have or with me. I am not even meaning to compare my experiences with those of someone who is transgendered (because I do not feel that this would be fair).

First of all, my own experiences: as a young person (even before my teen years) I imagined myself as a boy. I have no idea why. It was not an all of the time thing, not by far, and often had a sexual connection. I felt (and do this day) disconnection to my gender. I dream as both genders, and regularly as people other than myself. I generally lack sexual attraction to either gender. Obviously, this does NOT make me transgendered. But it does give me a (small) sense of the bewilderment that they must feel.
Further, I appear extremely feminine. But I tend to reject gender roles. My current occupation, my expectations, my views of myself, the way that I present myself, and so many more elements fly right in the face of our gender expectations and roles.
When I was a teenager and was asked to describe myself, I would always start with my gender and my physical appearance. As I evolved, I realized that this is not who I am. It is a part of my physical self, not me, and who I am is as it is without the added element of my physical being. It is separate. I am person who happens to be a girl. That's it.
Second, my prejudice: My gut reaction, often at odds with my actual views, is to wonder why someone would ever want to change genders. But see, I feel disconnected from my gender. It is separate from myself and so it seems very strange to want to change that. I imagine this feeling is stronger in those that feel completely comfortable with their gender. And I see this attitude especially pronounced in those that are black and white people--you know, those that see the world as black/white, right/wrong, good/bad. It is either this or that, no grey area, no compromise. I personally believe that this is because they NEED to have this attitude, to see no possibility of differences or change. I believe this is because they sense something in themselves that they are afraid of and if they acknowledge such possibilities then they would have to explore this element in themselves. This is too scary so they close off the possibility.
Little story: A friend of mine was struggling with her marriage. I always tell her that she is/was the runaway bride (see the movie if you are wondering what I mean). Her husband is/was a black and white person (as she seemed to be as well) He is/was a fundamentalist Christian through and through. He was so sure of his beliefs, he would just laugh and ridicule anyone that was not a Christian. Good example of a black and white person. Someone that wouldn't understand a transgendered person's situation. Another little element: She called me up one day and proceeded to try to convince me that I should buy a double wide (trailer). Her husband had made her tour one and they were thinking of buying one. I told her, you can buy one but I personally dislike them. She wouldn't let it go. It was as if she needed to convince me in order to convince herself. Black and white people.

But my confusion at someone wanting change genders sometimes borders on anger and frustration and bewilderment. It seems ridiculous to me. But then I find it strange to wear make up, jewelry (I say, I am not a christmas tree, I don't need decoration), dye your hair, or have plastic surgery. Maybe it is because, at least in a rural backwoods community, I am in many ways more attractive than most (but definitely not all). Maybe if I looked old or ugly, I would want to change things.
Am I like my friend's husband? Ridiculing people because their belief system differs from my own? Or is it my ignorance of what they feel? Unable to really walk a mile in their shoes. But part of me still feels like they should leave their bodies alone. My lowest thought goes something like this: every time I hear about someone that is transgendered AND has been (severely) molested or abused as a child, I wonder if they are just trying to escape the self-hatred, the confusion, the awful feelings that they (presumably) have.
So I get what you said, they should just leave themselves alone. I understand where you are coming from, because I have had the same thought myself. BUT, and this is a big but, I realize that this thought has more to do with my own feelings and nothing to do with theirs. I respect their needs and wishes. It is not up to me to decide what, how, why, or any other element of their path. They can and will evolve however they need and wish to.

Your objection seems to arise from monetary concerns. I have a cousin that is very concerned with people having free stuff--free medical care, free housing, free food, free tuition. She says that she had to work for these things and so should everyone else. I can't help but wonder if they were provided to everyone, including her, if her objections would remain. I have encountered others with similar mentalities. Actually, I sometimes think that people should just pull themselves together and make something of themselves. But this isn't always possible and I (usually) figure it out before I make too much of a a@@ of myself. See it has more to do with me and my prejudices and nothing to do with what the individual in question is experiencing.
Not being transgender myself, I find the most exhausting and depressing aspect of all these injustices to be how many of them are both shared and perpetrated by gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals.

You really haven't done Weltschmerz until you've been a gay man listening to another gay man criticize a trans man for not being a real man. It inspires a combination of fear, rage, and motion sickness that needs an esoteric German word of its own just to discuss it. Seattle being something of a trans Mecca, I get to experience it often.

Is almost as disgusting as the smug, pervasive, "Why should I pay to help anyone else?" attitude that pervades American society.
It's not clear to me how someone else's disability or surgical transformation somehow places me in the position of having "privileges."

For example, if someone chooses to get extensive tattoos, people will probably ask about that. Does that mean that I, an "un-tattooed" person, have the "privilege" of not being bugged about my non-existent tattoos? If someone is in a wheelchair and I am not, do I have the "privilege" of not being asked about my non-existent wheelchair? In other words, I don't think that not having a disability of some kind constitutes privilege -- the meaning of which is having a "special" benefit or advantage. Being "normal" may entail having good fortune, but it doesn't entail any kind of special privilege. I'm half blind in one eye; that doesn't mean that people with normal vision are privileged. It means that I'm unlucky.

In that regard I also reject the idea of "cisgender." It implies that being transsexual and not transsexual are both normal conditions (that just happen to have different names.) As far as I can tell, getting transgender surgery is an attempt to deal with a gender identity disorder. But it's not disorder, not normal. I don't dislike transgendered people. I wish them well and hope that the surgery turns out to be everything they hoped it to be. But it's no more "normal" than someone getting heart transplant.
The planet supposedly meets this list of expectations for all people except cisgenders/transgenders. My only question is - where is this planet of which you speak?
Great post, Peterson! Very well done and gives people a lot to think about. And I really wish I could have seen the re-education of George W. Bush!