As I’ve written before here, I am deeply fascinated with the psychology of secrets. I am certain that I am not alone in this fascination. Who doesn’t envy the priest in the confession box, hearing people’s sins, however mundane or egregious, and then doing, I guess—absolutely nothing about them? After all, they’re just secrets, just actions or desires guarded by shame, or propriety. They don’t mean anything.

Or do they?

To feed my current fascination, I continue watching the HBO series Big Love, which is really all about secrets. And I’m trying to come up with some really simple reasons why I continue to be fascinated with the show, not just by the politics, or the acting, or the writing. I love the complexity of the show this season. These are the secrets each character is grappling with  (aside from the obvious, which is polygamy in suburban Utah):

1.    Nikki, the most “orthodox” of the three wives, is not sure if she really buys into The Principle, or if she wants to keep having babies. Was it right, even if she is a believer, for her to be married off at 14, especially if she didn’t want that? And, Nikki is hiding something about her past, something that has to do with her father, which none of us know yet.
2.    Margene is having second thoughts about her “wholesome” character. Is there a part of her who wants to be a showgirl or a Marilyn Monroe type who isn’t cleaning the house and taking care of kids all day? Does she really not care that her mother just died or is she internalizing her grief?
3.    Barb is ashamed of her plural marriage in the presence of her mother. She tries to hide the complexities of it. Is Barb really behind the multiple wives thing all the way?
4.    Bill is hiding financial facts from the family, which could jeopardize their well being.
5.    Alby is hiding the fact that he really wants to have sex with men, rather than buying into The Principle. He wants the power of running the compound, of being the next prophet, but cannot, and probably will never, admit to his homosexual nature, or his desire to do un-Christian things in the name of power (Imagine that!).
6.    Barb and Bill’s college-bound daughter is pregnant. She has only told her closest friend and her brother. She is considering adoption, but doesn’t want her baby given to an LDS couple.
7.    Bill’s mother, Lois, just tried to kill her husband. Gee, how do you admit that to your son?


So what are the deepr truths about secrets and human nature? I’m trying to come up with both truisms and questions that address the psychology of secrets. Here’s the beginning of my list. They may sound naïve or extremely rudimentary to you. So, feel free to add your own, if you are so inclined.

Secrets

1.    People are not always what they seem.
2.    People cannot safely live out their desires, especially when they border on the heterodox, without being punished by society, without the presence of shame.
3.    People construct their own “societies,” or their own inner system of rules, governed by their own standards, to combat this feeling of shame.
4.     To have a secret is to have power. It is something that no one can touch unless you decide they can.
5.    Secrets make people feel powerful.
6.    Can a secret ever NOT be governed, on some level, by shame?
7.    Do we make ourselves sick, emotionally and physically, by holding onto secrets? Or is it healthy to have them?