In his nascent and probably quixotic quest to replace Barack Obama, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty last week endorsed a solution in search of a problem

Pawlenty said it “may be helpful” to pass a law making English Minnesota’s official language. It’s yet another of the ambitious governor’s attempts to appeal to the wing of the Republican party that believes King George III is alive and living in Argentina.

Actually, in political terms, the statement is pretty much risk-free. The state Legislature won’t even be back in session to consider such a move until January, by which time Pawlenty will no longer be governor. And while it may gain him the attention of all six people in the state that actually care about the issue – it will charm four and annoy the other two – most people will look at it and think, “Gee, I wonder if Brett Favre actually is going to retire.”

It also, of course, enables him to talk about something other than the state’s multi-billion-dollar deficit and the fact that he’s probably the only governor in Minnesota history who makes Jesse Ventura look like Alexander Hamilton.

The reason the issue is being discussed at all is because Lino Lakes, Minn., near St. Paul, recently passed a city ordinance that will bar the local government from translating city actions and documents into other languages. I haven’t researched this – I’m too busy wondering about the whole Brett Favre thing – but I suspect Lino Lakes’ city fathers took the action in response to complaints over the local Urdu-speaking community. Just a guess.

Actually, this is something (yet another thing) for which we can probably blame Canada. Everybody points to the persistent problems between Quebec and the rest of the country and blames it on the whole Francophone thing, as though a country would have a separatist movement over the pronunciation of “croissant.” That would explain why you hear so much about Cajun-speaking people in Louisiana wanting their own country.

(Apropos of nothing, a few years ago I was at the Winnipeg Zoo and saw a tour group of very little kids speaking fluent French. I thought it was adorable, even amazing, until my brain uncramped and I remembered I was in Canada.)

Actually, as someone who’s tried and failed to learn a couple of foreign languages, I should be all about making English the official tongue. The last time I tried to learn to speak anything else, it was Japanese. My teacher was very good, but I just couldn’t get it. On the mid-term, I knew exactly one answer and, believe me, you can’t B.S. your way through a foreign language test. And I’d actually studied for it. I do remember a little Japanese, but most of it can’t be used in polite company. On the other hand, if I ever get poor service in a Japanese restaurant, the waiter’s going to get his ears blistered.

I also know a smattering of Sicilian slang, which will come in handy if I ever actually get invited to join the Mafia. And if I ever need money, I can hire myself out teaching people to say “kiss my butt” in the language of my ancestors. No, I’m not going to give that out for free here.

Of course, the whole official-language thing is just an outgrowth of the current fad of anti-immigrant feeling that’s sweeping the country. Not only are these people taking all those sub–minimum wage jobs we covet; they won’t even learn to speak Ammurican. Damn them anyway! We’ll force them to learn English to read their property tax statements! That’ll show ’em! When they save up enough to buy a house, anyway, which might take a while when you’re making $2.50 an hour with no benefits.

The whole fad for hating foreigners is a reflection of what’s most frustrating about this country. It’s human nature to fixate on what you understand and ignore what you don’t. The reasons this country is in the worst economic fix since the Great Depression are many and varied and complicated. Even people who know about that kind of thing really don’t understand it completely. And to the extent they understand it at all, they have valid disagreements over why it happened and how to fix it.

But it’s so much easier for the demagogues to point to some guy who snuck over the Mexican border or some woman who fled rape squads in Africa and say, “Hey, Mr. and Mrs. America, your finances suck because that person took your job. And they did it without learning to talk like you.” What’s depressing is that people don’t just buy it – they make important political decisions based on that kind of balloon juice. It only adds to the depression that the whole discussion is being driven by people so mired in their own anger that they don’t see that they’re being played by the real players.

We have wars and rumors of wars, children in this nation are going hungry, and we can’t discuss even important things without accusing those who disagree with us of the rankest evil. People who played a direct role in making others’ lives worse are sipping Cristal and living in high-rent districts. But we worry about things like whether the city newsletter in some remote Minnesota town should be in English.