So the phone rings around 8 this morning and I'm thinking it is my morning call from Baby Girl (BG) to let me know if her follicles are folliculating. Nope. It was A from Dr. D's office.
She #1says: Dr. M, Dr. D wanted me to call you to let you know your visualf ield study test showed a moderate decrease in vision and that you should come in sooner than six months. He wants to see you in January.
Whoa! Wait a friggin' minute. My eye doctor visits since my right carotidectomy has increased from every two years to yearly to six months down to 3 months? WTF!!! So I take a deep breath.
Me: Ummm lets wind that back to where you say he thinks it is vascular in nature...what does that mean?
She#1: Just a minute
Another office lady gets on the phone #2: Look the doctor just wants to see you, okay.
Me:Sure and I"m happy to do that but you people are scaring the crap outta me..I'm a writer, photographer! Hell I've even been known to make love with my eyes open...as in SEEING OPEN, not some blind bandit!
She #2: Now Dr. M we don't use the word BLIND around here, it is vision impaired.
Me: Okay so how visually impaired can I expect to be.
She#2: Just a minute.
She #3 is a woman I've worked with there before and about my age.
She #3: Patie you know you're scaring these young girls to death <grin>
Me: Gotta be kidding right? So how long before I'm totally blind.
She #3: Well we'll get you in next Wednesday to see about improving your glasses since you say you cannot see through them.
Me: Well what about this vascular damage thingie vs macular degeneration (I have visions of both kinds of macular degeneration plus optic nerve disease hitting me all at once).
She#3: Now Patie, Dr. D has never said you have macular degeneration (and I"m wondering what planet she is on...I couldn't have made up those 3 visits!)
Me: But he referred me to Dr N and Dr C who said I have it.
She#3: Well Dr. D never said you had it
Me: Well, is it optic nerve disease?
She#3: Well he never said that either.
Me: So what DID he say???
She#: You should come in Wednesday will 11 a.m. be okay.
ME (collapsing under the weight of losing this one) Sure WTF! I Looooove playing What's a lie?
I just needed to howl a moment and TG well you cannot trump a fiance in the end stages of cancer so she's not available and BG is busy fornicating to the tune of her every changing follicles so she isn't available. Just needed to howl a sec...thanks for listening.
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Comments
Rick: An event of some kind??? Make 'em go back to school!
Pilgrim: I just howled and howled just now at the chiropractor's. He asked if he was hurting me that much and I just looked around at him and went: Nope...just needed to howl! lol Shoulder and back feel tons better tho
Wally: I know what you mean!! A quick story:
In the 1980s I worked 40 hours over each weekend at a cancer hospital. I started feeling puny and when off shift went to the ER. At that time I was temping so had no benefits and could not be admitted to the hospital. So I had my friend drive me by the liquor store to get a bottle of Mescal. I drank it till my chest pain stopped and I dropped off in a drunken stupor....and THAT was how I had my heart attack back in the day. When young docs ask how I survived, I just told them I swallowed the worm!
Obsolete Man: Thanks for the good words of support!
I don't mind finding adaptive ways to cope...just fer gosh sakes be clear what EXACTLY I'm having to array my soldiers against,.