Now, at least once more, I am going to PM my friends to let them know about this post. It's not that I think it's a stellar post....but I do need to know what your thoughts are. I also need to know if you want me to continue letting you know about an occasional post. PLEASE let me know if you want off the list!

Pat, Pm me anytime! I like to know where my favorites are, and if i'm not interested, all you have to do is click. Tom must be a very, very busy man!!

Frankly, the writer of the PM seemed very cordial in his request. He goes out of his way to say that he likes your writing and so forth. I wouldn't take that PM personally, or let it upset you. He doesn't want to be on your mailing list, he told you why and that's sort of it.

Is it possible that what's more upsetting to you is just the idea that you might be irritating someone with your PMs?

If you have something that you feel is important, and you want me to see it, feel free to PM me. I have no problem ignoring them if I get too many. I draw the line at phone calls.

Mad_Typist....you're right about one thing for sure, I feel bad that I irritated a OS friend....because in order for him to write so much to me, he must have been REALLY irritated. It also bothered me that he tried speaking for everyone else. He should have spoken only for himself. As a matter of fact, he was the first OS friend to ask me to take him off my list....but now I am wondering how many others want to be taken off.

@patricia - I think part of his message was more about the practice of "blog promoting" PMs in general, than any particular anger towards you. And I do think that a lot of people on OS do resent getting PMs and just never say anything. I know I personally delete about 80% of those messages without even opening them up sometimes.

However, it's sort of a person-by-person thing. I'll always read PMs from people I "know" here. For example, I don't mind being on your list and am happy to check out what you have here. Part of that is, as you say, you don't promote every single new post. However, I've been on "mailing lists" of people who have felt the need to notify me every time they post something new.

I don't mind PMs about a blogger's recent post. What I do mind is a blogger who writes a lengthly letter explaining his/her post to the that I don't want to read it.

I don't PM my posts as often, but when I do I simply put "Posted: [name of post] in the subject line and the URL in the body of the text. This way the recipient knows that I am promoting my post.
I did a post on this not too long ago:`
http://open.salon.com/blog/trudge164/2009/04/28/i_am_not_a_whore

BTW, his PM was rather tame compared to what I have received.

(Was it Tom Crodle who sent it to you? It reads like him, plus you left the name Tom in your post.)

Trudge164.....no, it wasn't that Tom. I left Tom's name on the letter because there are quite a few "Tom's" out there. I figured since there was no last name, I was protecting the "innocent." I mean "guilty!" Thanks for your feedback.

PM whenever you want. I try to read a lot here but sometimes I miss the train. It seems Tom was cordial. I'm way friendly.

Am I being too paranoid and sensitive?

I think so. I take Tom's message in a slightly different way: He's put in some time writing it, he's made an effort to say that he thinks you're a good writer, and he's trying to explain why he's sending the message. It's not to be taken personally--It may even be the case that Tom thought you'd find this more palatable than a brusque "Please take me off your list." But of course different styles of communication can be interpreted in different ways...

Feel free to contact me, If you post and I'm not here I get pinged by the e-mail system and I can check it. i always add that anyone who wants to be dropped from notices just send me a blank PM and I'll do it. Sending a snarky little gripe like the one you have here is uneeded and just represents how superior the sender thinks he is. Open notice to Tom, you do not speak for anyone other than yourself. You have no right to assume that you are the spokesman for everyone or for that matter even a majority of the writers here. If I have somehow added your conceited arrogant self important name to my list of "favorites" I will be eager to delete it post haste. Not only that, I'll presume to ignore your postings as well since my ignorant and uneducated opinion is so disdained by you. Pardon the indelicacy,but, piss off snob.

“I did take it somewhat personally even though he and I have never exchanged personal messages before.”

If you're putting mail in his mailbox, then you most certainly have exchanged personal messages before. That's precisely the person's point.

I think this message you received was extremely polite, and so I guess if you're asking if you're being overly sensitive I think the answer is most definitively yes.

I think you want to believe that you have done all that is required to discharge your conscience about what you have done, and I personally cannot tell you that I think you have. Unfortunately, explaining why will take more text, and I apologize for the length here:

It simply can't be the case that the spam problem (and this is a big problem both here and in the real world) is solvable by saying “If you contact me, of course I'll remove you.” If I get 50 bits of junk mail in my physical mailbox, must I make 50 phone calls to vendors to get it to stop, or do I have a right to say they shouldn't have been there in the first place? If I get 50 phone calls from direct marketers at my house during dinner, must I listen through each and every one's tirade (perhaps even recorded) just to find a button to press saying remove me or to get the name of someone I should look up and call back hoping to get myself removed? What if the number was 500? 5000?

If someone presses you physically on a date and says later that you didn't say no clearly enough, is he automatically right unless you have been 100% clear? That makes it open season on people who have a personality that makes it hard to say no.

As a simple matter of scale, it cannot be that the answer to unsolicited messages is an opt-out paradigm in which everything is defaultly accepted unless the person opts out individually with each and every possible sender. With 6 billion potential senders in the world, one would die of old age simply responding to them if they really all exercised their rights under that scheme.

Kent Pitman....excellent points made. I never thought of it that way! I certainly hate it when I get sales calls at my home. Where I disagree with you is how "Tom" in his note to me assumed he was speaking for EVERYONE. Not everyone thinks the way he does. I also felt that Tom's tone was a little too emotional with the "loaded" words he chose. I still say he could have said it all in about a sentence or two. Thanks for your insight!

Bobbot....thanks for "sticking up" for me. I appreciate that. Maybe I was being too thin skinned about it....but it's only because it was my first negative PM.

Scanner....thank you....love your humor!

I myself have sent such a message only once, when I composed a post about the death of my mother. I thought it merited a special announcement.

But in general I prefer not to get these spam-like messages alerting me to someone's every new post. I think such messages should be reserved for special occasions.

I tend to agree with your PM writer... I didn't write it, but am named Tom.

The OS system is backwards. We can't ask to be notified by the OS system, but people can send to their "friend's list"... the people they like to READ. How does that make sense to anyone? You can also bulk mail if you set it up by hand.

I get maybe 20 of these a day... less than 1/2 of them are from people I read on a regular basis.

So I get email from people that don't need to send one, because I will read them anyway... and I get email from people who like to read my stuff, who may be good to read (but I never signed up to be notified). So all of the emails are pretty much unwanted, and obscure real PMs, sometimes from the same people.

OS should engineer a system generated message when your favorites post. What we got now creates situations like you are in. I did think the PM was polite, and he went out of his way to explain nicely.

Bill Beck....thank you and I promise I won't call you! :) I also ignore PM's when I have to.

Mr. Mustard....coming from you, who is one of the most kind....I appreciate your thoughts. You would have been way more thoughtul than Tom!

Rob St. Amant.....I agree that we all interpret differently. I was probably putting more meaning there than I should have.

There is something called a delete button. What is so hard about deleting emails in your in-box? I've never understood the whining about P.M.'s.

Deborah, in answer to your question about what's so hard about deleting: that you have to read them first. That means waiting on the page to load. If you don't, you might miss "real" personal mail.

nudges is nice...

I take exception to his note in one regard, that he dares to speak for anyone other than himself:

And I dare say so would everyone else. I think that is, not monumentally, but certainly a little bit hubristic.

And I think Kent's last paragraph is an unnecessarily conflation. OS is not 6 billion people.

OS is 30,000 members, including double and triple and quadruple accounts and all the spammers who have been deleted to date--add in the flouncers both public and private, we're probably in the neighborhood of 25,000.

It's easy enough just to say please stop...I noticed the original sender said "please" only in the context of "for the love of cheese." It was a polite enough note, and I disagree with the commenters (omg, even RSA!) only in the sense that they thought it was polite enough, but that speaking for everyone struck a discordant note with me.

Please Patricia, keep sending me notices.

I think Tom's message was well-intentioned but TMI. He was polite and included apparently sincere compliments, but I'm not clear why he felt it necessary to 'advise' you, share his annoyance at the OS system or presume to speak for others.

All he needed to say was, "I'd like you to stop sending me notes asking me to read your posts." I'm really puzzled why he unloaded so manyof his grievances on you.

As I've told you in PMs, you can PM me any time.

I don't mind PMs, but I understand that some people do. It is a bit of a conundrum: if ratings or number of readers is important to you, PMs definitely boost the number.

That being said, it seems to me that Tom was pretty gracious, and he's accurate that many people really resent the PMs. I'm reading a book right now that suggests reversing your situation when you get your feelings hurt by someone. In this case, that would mean trying to imagine having to write the letter he wrote. What would you say differently?

All the best - wishing you a good week.

This is what I sent this morning:

I realize that some may be annoyed or feel inconvenienced by this mass PM thing, but I believe that it it is an entirely appropriate way to alert folks to our posting activities.

I, for one, invite any and all of you to keep me posted re your work. I may not get there, but I'd rather you feel free to keep me alerted than to have to stumble and fumble my way to your post....Thanks.........

That's the way I feel about the subject....When someone asks to be removed from my PM list I oblige. They have every right not to receive what is sent....I think your PM was OK and entirely understanable. You are being a tad too sensitive......Good post on a topic that needs airing.............

Rated

Patricia, please keep me on your list. I rely on PMs to keep track of friends posts. I delete them once I've read them, which can take a week sometimes. I know the new system is supposed to make it easier, but I haven't broken into a new routine yet.

I used to send PMs more often, but I felt kind of weird about it. Now I do it rarely. I find that my readership does not change whether I PM or not now, so I think from now on I will reserve for posts of a serious nature or on a topic that is important to me.

That said, I think this PM is a bit over the top, but not unexpected considering this is a writer's site. It could have simply said,

"Patricia, please refrain from sending me further post notices. I enjoy your writing and get to your posts whenever I can.

Sincerely, Tom"

No drama, no sweeping generalizations about "all of OS" not wanting these. No hurt feelings.

But each to there own. Tell "tom" that you will remove him from your favourite list to prevent any further intrusions. And because he seems to be a bit sensitive, let him know that this is the only reason you are removing him.

And then move on. :)

I think equating private messaging others to let them know about a recent post with email spam or sales solicitations is a bit distorted. Transferring frustration over being flooded with Viagra ads to someone who is promoting a piece of writing to someone they "know" online is comparing apples to oranges.

The general hue and cry is that if you're added as a favorite, they will see it anyway. This is not always the case. I have hundreds of favorites and it is easy for me to miss something.

That said, I think that reading and commenting on other people's pieces tends to help traffic more than private messaging. I think messaging someone who is truly a friend (or group of friends) and intimately saying, "Hey, this piece has been up for a few hours and has dropped off the feed. Could you read it when you get a chance and tell me what you think?" is much more, um... seemly(?) than a mass dumping of a message the minute a post is written to hundreds of people.

Well, now I've rambled. Everyone has their own style of promotion here. My ethics aren't (and shouldn't be!) anyone else's. I only promote a post very selectively if it's dying a horrible (unjustified) death. In that case, I *only* send it to the last five people who promoted a piece to me, just to kick-start it safely. If you only promote to people who are promoting to you, they can't complain.

Hope this helps and good luck.

As a Tom, I feel obliged to respond to this, especially since I've received PMs asking if it was me. It wasn't, but it could have been. I commented on someone else's post about the deluge of PMs that are simply self-promotion.

Nothing wrong with self-promotion per se, I do it, too, when I think I have something special to say -- but not everything I have to say is special. And I certainly don't think I have something special to say three or four times a day.

I also try to limit my list to people I have developed a relationship over time, and not just anybody I've "befriended". That term is a misnomer; it's becoming as valueless on OS as it is on Facebook.

People say hit the delete button, but at present there is no way to determine whether someone's sending you a message that warrants or requires a response, or just one more promo.

May I suggest a simple cure? If you're sending a promo, say so in the subject line.

Tom the Curmudgeon

I happen to think you might have gone overboard in your reaction. Like others noted they did spend time, and it was a PM. I would not be offended too much, often these things are said at the height of emotion...perhaps you were the last straw. We never know how a person's day has gone.

It does bothers me you would print it publicly though, since he did take time to write a PM to explain, and especially with a name, whether or not people know several Tom's or not. Though he was presumptuous in speaking for other members, I give him the benefit of the doubt, and would just remove him from your list.

I don't mind getting notices from you or anyone else. Just keep writing!

Patricia, people are not faucets to be turned on and off. It was you that entered a personal discussion with "Tom" by going into his mailbox. To say that you don't like the length or tone of his message and that it is therefore a matter of public rebuke is the very essence of saying the conversation you sought was not a personal one. Friends who disagree do not immediately take out full page ads in the local newspaper excoriating one another.

People do speak in hyperbole. People even get facts wrong. In casual conversation, this may be matter for private correction but is not in and of itself a violation of any politeness protocol, especially when you solicited their opinion.

To hold the wording of an individual message in a private conversation up to nitpicking standards of word-by-word clarity and precision is to fail to understand what it is to have a casual conversation. Casual conversations are naturally sloppy because it's assumed that the participants are in it for the friendship and will work through it. To say “I want your participation but you must respond in the following fixed format or I reserve the right to tell you you should have responded at all” is not any form of friendly conversation I'm familiar with.

Likewise saying “I only asked you about x and yet you responded about y.” is again not any form of personal conversation. It's the kind of thing you say to a servant or business provider, not a friend. If you're not a friend, you have no business in someone's PM box. And it's you that approached him, not he that approached you, at least as you've outlined it—on this conversation anyway, maybe in your entire relationship for all I know. The essence of the personal quality of a conversation is to allow it to flow subject to both speakers; once you're insisting that you alone control the right to say which way the conversation goes, you're alleging you have the dominant hand in the conversation and you are no longer in friends/peers mode. You are in parent/child or server/client mode. Yet you have not identified yourself as Tom's parent nor his client. He owes you no apparent duty. You solicited his good will and refuse to acknowledge his right to have tone or wording you haven't pre-approved.

It looks to me like you are struggling hard to feel that you did right, but you won't get an acknowledgment from me that you did. That doesn't mean you are a bad person, just that you've done something I personally think is unfair and since you've solicited opinions on it, I vote that you owe him an apology. Not a grudging one that says, "well, maybe you made a point, but your language was awful" but a gracious one that acknowledges what he did as kind and polite.

Ten months ago I would have thought the PM rather rude. The way people say things in the open on your comments to intentionally put you on the spot, I think this person had a right to say it. I don't think I would ever write anything that blatant, if not rather nasty, but he/she had a right. That's where my feelings have changed on here.

I am like you, I don't like to humiliate people on purpose and without cause. I think you are much like me in that you are sensitive as well (I KNOW I am and I make no apologies). I would just take it for what it says and take him/her off your friends list and move on.

I'm glad you didn't blast the person with a Blog or comment. You did the right thing keeping it anonymous. I hope that "Tom" is a made up name. It sort of narrows it down some if not.

You can always feel free to send blog alerts to me. I am definitely limiting mine to special blogs.

Rated

There are a lot of childish folks here who are scared of their own "shadow." (I mean that colloquilly and psychologically) Hey, it's just like life! What I've gotten tired of are the lectures to love one another, and "behave." I'd rather know why they are so driven to controlling others rather than revealing themselves.

My "belief" (I have no proof!) is those who can recognize the difference between Selling and Sharing will eventually get it, enjoy each other's company, forgive themselves and those who lose it every once and awhile--and the screamers will find new canyons where they can hear their own echo.

I don't mind getting them. Send away!

I have not received a request asking me to not PM, but if I did I would comply. For me, I like the PM's, so keep me on your list. RF

I used to worry about missing posts from my favorites as they zoom through the feed until I learned that I could go to the OS main page, click on "most recent" and, most importantly, restrict the search to "favorites." Now I can delete bulk PMs because I have a way to making sure I don't miss a post.

First, patricia, send me notices of everything you publish if you want to. I encourage all of my friends to do so.

I send notices to everyone on my "favorites" list, which used to be called a 'friends' list. If they don't want to get them they can send me a simple note and they are off of it.

Perhaps one thing that I do differently is that everybody on my favorites list is there by mutual agreement and HAS AGREED to receive notices from me. And has been encouraged by me to send me notices.

I have not gone out and added 300 favorites (NOT saying you have, this is just an example) and then started sending them notices when they don't know me or my work.

In fact, all but an small number on my list added me first, so I sent them a PM telling them that would put them on my "favorites" list but I wanted them to know that I send notices --- asking them right then and there if they wanted me to "favorite" them also knowing that I sent notices. All have done so.

In the time I have been on OS using that system only three or four have later asked off the notice list. I have immediately dropped them. That is not many out of a universe of over 170 current "favorites", not including the more than 100 I have dropped myself since they have not been active on OS in over four months.

So, your problem with the Toms of OS might be that you did not FIRST send them a personal PM asking if it would be OK for you to notify them when you post.

But if you build your list and then later start sending PMs to people you don't know, some are going to be bent. Kent's arguments, which are cogent, notwithstanding, I do not think Tom's "courteously" written and very long PM to you was called for. It thinly conceals an arrogance that is offensive to me, but hey, that is just me. Others clearly feel differently.

Again, send me PMs any time you post anything. Hell, send them just to say "hello" or "I'm having a bad/good day."

This idea of where OS fits in the world of social networking and that OS is, or is not, really an elite writer's community will be argued until hell freezes over.

If there really are 25,000 active members and if OS is still a place where ANYONE can join and set up an account, or ten for that matter, I think the definition of elite is stretched pretty thin.

But if it makes some happy to feel that this is a writer's colony and that there are but a handful of "friends" on it, ie: people who also qualify and meet my standards of what a "friend" has to be and can therefore send me PMs, more power to them. That is not my take at all of the reality of OS. But, again, this is a hoary old argument that will never be solved.

Different strokes for different folks (courtesy of Yamaha motorcycles.)

Monte

You what!?! You sent a PM! Well that's it I quit, I'm outta here. I don't have to put up with this.....Well OK, if you all are going to beg me to stay I will but you are on notice!

BTW, I guess the guy didn't realize he doesn't have to read your post, he can just delete the message. And my in-box is emptier than Rumsfelds e-mail file.

that PM is more polite than some i've received about not wanting PM alerts. i've received several of your PMs and it's fine. i may or may not make it to your blog but i like knowing what's out there. my beef is that i DO want people to alert me to their new posts. i have huge trouble keeping up with everything i want to read. i don't understand why people can't just delete PMs that they don't want to read. it's not rocket science. in the time it took that person to write you that PM, he could have deleted your message and read a post. love love love

I can tell he tried to be nice, but only after being harsh. Maybe he should have just blogged about blog pimping rather than flaming you. Also I think those OS folk who "loathe" PM blog pimping, should indicate as much in the Bio section (first sentence - all caps) that shows up under their avatar so when other OSers make them a favorite, it is immediately obvious. just my opinion....

you know.. i cant understand how people get all bent out of shape bc of blog whoring, if you dont want to read the begging and the pleading just delete the messages.. its so easy click click delete!
wow!
and once again, this is just another reason why i dont blog whore.. you read my stuff bc well you want to not bc im asking you to

PM me anytime, Patricia. I have found so many writers here whose posts I wish to follow that I NEED the PMs as an aide memoire to help me catch up. I like Apache Savage's suggestion and I believe Kent means what he says but this recurring PM problem is not completely structural. "this isn't MySpace", indeed! For me, OS is an online COMMUNITY. As such, for me the PMs here do not represent whoring/pimping/ or otherwise prostituting ourselves. If 'Tom' cannot understand that, perhaps he'd be more at home on MySpace. I quote from my 'Beholder' post comment-thread:
"We post here because we need to satisfy some inner demand but a demand is always directed at an other and it is important that there be some tangible evidence of the encounter. So, we PM each other about new posts, we check the ratings, we congratulate each other on EPs; in this virtual environment, these are the form affirmation takes. ... what makes it so marvelous (here) is the interaction, the feedback, the reflection." Rated.

Patricia, a final thought from me on the subject...and this should be good for a few more comments in response....Notice that the people who suggest that you shouldn't do mass PMs are the ones who don't need to do it anyway....The editors take care of that part of the blogging experience for them....Also take notice of those who have NOT commented on your post.......Just saying.............

Not true RonPo1, I have few, if any regular readers.

Patricia; I don't think Tom's PM was particularly rude or nasty, but then I'm not terribly sensitive to criticism. BTW, it's OK to PM me.

Cheers,

David

Well, I have to say I disagree. I like getting alerts -- like yours, for this post! Which I would probably never have seen otherwise. I don;lt get enough e-mail in any phase of my life to dread it the way some people do. All this guy needed to do was send the old include-me-out message. Like if there's a TV show you don't like ... don't pass legislarion to ban it, don't organize protests ... just -- don't watch. It seems pretty simple. But the assumption of consensus irritates me. Maybe some people do agree with this person, but he can include me out of that group. Keep writing -- and keep those PMs coming. Thanks --

PM me any time if you wish. The only thing I would do is advise that anyone sending a pm should check out the disclaimer that is found amongst the links on my blog.

i don't give a fuck what you think, but if you want to share your thinking with me i might enjoy it, and you might enjoy socking it to me! (ben sen's koan.)

I'll add my 2 cents, I don't mind the PMs, even when you're on my favorite list, I will probably miss your posts unintentionally just because I have a lot of favs!! EEK!!! :)

The only problem I had with Tom's message is for speaking for the rest of us. It's all good!! :)

My take is that the guy was rather polite in his response. Thoughtful enough to let you know why he had a problem with the practice. My mailbox isn't overflowing so much that deleting messages is a big deal. I think I can understand why someone who is more widely read might get more mail and resent having to delete tons of messages every day. The community at large seems split, and I do try to take notice of who does not favor the practice and respect their wishes.

I am fine with PMs. If I get to them I get to them, if I don't, I don't. Of course I always check to see if they are personal rather than to a group. I find that I don't PM much any more as I hope that readers will just find me as I find their posts. But I think it much ado over nothing. It's really easy to delete.

I would say that was quite rude Patricia. Remove me from your notification listing would have sufficed.

I can't keep up with my faves, and I appreciate being told a fresh post has been made available. Really, the time it takes to delete PMs is a small price to pay for being informed when something I want to read is up on the site. So I don't want to be removed from the list.

As a writer, actions and posts that step on a few toes is par for the course. Grumpy responses can be completely overlooked. It is not your job to make everyone happy. Some folks think it's their job to make an issue out of every inconvenience, and perhaps some people just feel better making themselves feel a bit more important this way. "Writers must protect ego and self-esteem at any cost, or I'm dooming myself to alcoholism and unappreciated brilliance. So I must demonstrate that her work is less important than my own. Then I'll kick the dog for being a dog. Ooh, that's nice!"

Maybe it's time for people to pare down their favorites lists?

I think I've only sent a PM around once. I had one very kind request to remove a blogger's name from my list, and I haven't sent any around since then. I can't remember who asked to be deleted from my list, either.

I may change my mind about it later, but I hope that the amount of time and effort I put into comments on others' posts and the quality of my work (

ack! lost part of my post.

I was saying that the quality of my work (if there is any) might be better standing on its own. But if I become troubled, may people have posted suggestions for increased readership.

For some,is life really that boring that they have to compose
snarky little Email's just to create some sort of interest in them?
Please,"nudge" me,for each and every post that you write. :)

Instead of trying to answer each one of you I will just leave a general reply to what I've gotten out of all of this. First of all, thank you for taking the time to reply because it certainly has been helpful to me. I also thank you for your overwhelming support and friendship here on OS. Although there have been a few who agreed with "Tom" and his PM to me, most have said that they don't mind being PM'd for a new post.
For those of you who think his PM to me was polite, we'll have to agree to disagree because I still say it was excessive.
I've decided that in the future, I will still let my "friends" know of my new posts, but that doesn't mean every single post....just the special ones or the ones where I need a response...like this one. I think we all agree, for the most part, that if you or I decide not to be on the receiving end of the notifications, we will simply let you know that. That seems fair enough. I promise I will not send a notification to be removed from your list out of anger or resentment. I will simply make a simple and kind request with the intention of not hurting anyone's feelings.
On one hand, I don't want people to think they have to walk on eggshells around me, because that's not true. On the other hand, I see no purpose in being rude or unkind here or anywhere in life. Life is just too short. I believe we can communicate with gentleness, love and consideration for the other person's feelings. There is no need for nastiness.
Thank you again!

you can always pm me

PM me anytime. As long as you're not holding a gun to head asking me to read it, that's okay with me. I don't often send out PMs but I get a lot so I don't feel bad when I do it. This guy could have said what he wanted to in about 2 sentences. He can also delete your PMs and not read your posts. Sometimes I don't get to people's posts for a long time and then they quit sending me stuff. You can send me all the PMs you want, I just may not get to it right away. It's not a big deal at all. How I would have handled this was to delete the PM, never PM him again and that would be that.

I don't mind the PMs and in fact am flattered by someone's interest in my reading their work. But one has to take the attitude that they're not demands, and that they can simply be ignored with no ill will on the part of the sender. I think your PM to this guy was just the straw that broke the camel's back, and he vented a little on you regarding his feelings about PMs in general. Maybe he didn't need to lecture you - that I agree with. But don't be hurt or offended - take it as someone who was having a bad day and you stepped into the line of fire.

There seems to be so much disagreement on this topic, but I am always happy to receive to a PM whether it be a personal note or a mass notification. It may take awhile to respond, but I would otherwise miss many posts by my favorite people. I have put that I am "blog-pimping friendly" in my bio for anyone to read, and I would suggest that publicly stating one's preference in this way might help prevent confusion and unwanted PMs.

I don’t mind the PM’s about new posts (“pimping” and “whoring” sound so obscene). My only regret is that I don’t have the time to read every post.

My personal feeling is that Tom meant well, but may have been a bit over the top. Also, as others have pointed out, he certainly doesn’t speak for everyone.

Baby, you can PM me any time - I haven't had a good PM in weeks! In fact, why not just come on over. We'll have coffee...

PM me anytime too! It's the 11th and I am just getting around to reading this. If you hadn't PMed me I might not have ever seen it.

I do not know who sent that to you, but hello.... it was more than a little overboard. Did he actually say "everyone?" He does not speak for me. Please continue to send PMs.

I sent PMs in the beginning to gain readership also, and I must admit that when I do PM people, my readership goes up. There has been so much tadoo about it lately, I stopped doing it. What a bunch of whiners! All they have to do is hit delete. Tom may be busy, but there is no reason to be rude.