Dear Doug,                                                             
 
I wanted to write to you, not because what I have to say is important....but simply because I have to. If I was stronger, I'd speak these words to you directly, but I'm afraid my tears would get in the way. Plus, I would fumble and tumble through the words, messing up the message I wanted to convey.
 
It goes without saying how sorry I am for Alex, you and Tyler. Saying, "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it for me. Even though those words would be as sincere as I could get, they just don't seem to communicate the deep sorrow, anguish, and sadness  I've been feeling for Alex, you and Tyler. Those words simply aren't good enough as true as they are.
 
Figuratively speaking, it bothered me that on the day that Alex died, the world did not come to a stop....at least temporarily for Alex, you and Tyler. It bothered me that life in general kept going as though nothing happened to her. Day to day life for everyone else remained the same on the outside even though life changed drastically and dramatically for Alex, you and Tyler. Yes, the rest of our lives kept on going and on the surface seemed normal......but for all of us who loved Alex in one way or another, the day she died, was not just another day. On that day, nothing else seemed to really matter. The other activites and events on that day became unimportant because of  the loss of Alex. It was hard to continue the normal every day activities after her death simply because the sadness and sorrow overshadowed everything else. Any smiles, laughter or happy feelings that took place that day were fake and false because underlying it all, were  the deep emotions that Alex's death hit us with.
 
Doug, I know that no one and no thing will ever be able to come close to replacing your Alex. No one can completely understand your loss and your suffering, although those of us who have children can imagine your pain and sorrow. That's probably one reason I find myself thinking about her, you and Tyler so often. And of course every time I do, I shed more tears. Your nightmare is a nightmare for all of us parents, the difference being, that you had to live it.
 
Even though no words or acts can take away your pain, I am hoping that at least all the love that is coming your way, will help you to carry the burden and the cross you are bearing and will bear for quite some time. Only time and love will heal you.....but until then, please don't give up on life even though  you will, at times, want to. Please continue being the loving father you have been to Alex and Tyler. Alex adored you and Tyler needs you, more now than he ever has. Together, you and Tyler can get through this. Alex will help you. Although she is gone physically, her spirit and love remain in your heart and in the hearts of all those who knew and loved her. Talk to Alex, she will hear you and will help you to find peace....and once again, happiness. Alex would want you to continue living life to the fullest as she always did....and you know that, Doug, more than anyone!
 
I hope and pray that some day soon, you will be able to feel the warmth of sunshine again; hear the song of the birds and the laughter of children; taste the zest in your favorite foods; and see the beauty in a rainbow running across the sky. More importantly, I hope  you will be open to the love around you and in that love, know, that Alex lives on.
 
God bless you, Doug.
 
Patricia 
 
P.S. Below is a copy of a letter from a friend who gave me permission to reprint it for you. 
 
 
We will never know why the young die. It is the way things are and we cannot change that. What is important to remember is that a life should be defined by the quality of the life lived, and never by the quantities of days. The very longest quantity of days is but a flicker in the light of eternity.

I believe that Alex is, as St. Paul says, in a far better place now, a place we can neither conceive nor imagine, because it is too wonderful for us to describe. She is without pain and suffering, she is whole again, complete, the person that God wants her to be, and will live in eternal light with loved ones and friends in the mansions that God has prepared for us.

For some it may seem a long time from now before we join her. But life on this earth, however long, is but a short fleeting moment, and we shall all soon join her.

I take comfort in believing that is true, and I hope that you do too, Patricia.