Suddenly, in the middle of the morning, I started to feel weak, as if I had picked up some kind of virus. We came back to the motel and I slept while Linda played Spider Solitaire and checked her Facebook.

I feel much better now, relaxed and with clarity of mind. My energy has returned.

I met an anthropologist at one of the yard sales we went to and we had a good talk about the field. I told her about the Indian reservation where I lived and worked for two years, how I inadvertently violated one of their taboos and how it affected my stay there. 

I bought Linda a huge Valentine's card and she loved it. We are celebrating the day early.

I received two more literary rejections--one from an agent, the other from a publisher. It just makes me more determined.  That's the way I tend to respond to adversity.

I found a Billy Joel CD at a yard sale with the song "Honesty," my favorite of his. "Honesty, it's such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue. Honesty, is hardly ever heard. It's mostly what I need from you."

Great song, takes me back to the early 1980s. An intense period of my life, but ultimately traumatic. Greater honesty was needed then, and now, in my personal life and in society. I wanted to write a book with the title "Radical Honesty," but then found out it's already written.

I look forward to going back to the open mic in NC Friday. I will prepare a few songs for the night. I love the idea of artistic collaboration, and the potential is there. But thursday I will meet with a few others interested in forming an I Ching support group. This is an exciting project; hope it evolves.

Politics. I'm taking a break and will pick up Monday.

There is a relationship in my life where there is a barrier and I am thinking about just letting go of any expectations of it. All of my fears about the relationship and the underlying resentment that I feel--is it worthwhile to hold on to any of this. of course not. But how to let go?

I think I need to get to the point where if it is healed, great, but if it is not, I am still a person of value. My self-esteem cannot depend on that person liking or respecting me. I need to talk with someone about the details of all of this--I mean confidentally with a helping person. And I do have a couple of people in Asheville I can go to, and will, I think.

Perhaps radical honesty would help the situation. I wonder. And perhaps simple detachment. I have a Master's in counseling, but that doesn't mean I can work this out on my own.

We all need help sometimes. I am aware of that now, after struggling with various problems earlier in my life--like in the early eighties.

I am glad I can talk out some things with my creative friends on this blog site. And glad I am able to talk honestly with my wife. But I can't dump everything on her. She is not my therapist. If I made her into my therapist, that would be one of those boundary issues that can destroy a relationship. I understand boundaries much better at this point in my life.