aloneness, disappointment

there must be a reason   there always is   you want to forget those times, to not feel the sharp blade against skin   you want to focus on the present   but what happens when the present is one of those raw moments?

it is not solace or stroking that I seek   these fall flat   they make me feel that I am being patronized   anyone else every feel that way?   it is simply the feeling that I am understood that is healing   and I feel great when I sense that something I have written deepens someone else's understanding 

being let down by someone   it hurts a lot   but it has happened to me a lot   I should be immune to it   I am not

being underestimated   it hurts a lot   but it has happened to me a lot   I should be immune to it   I am not

experiencing failure   it hurts a lot   but it has happened to me a lot   I should be immune to it   I am not

being forgotten   it hurts a lot   but it has happened to me a lot   I should be immune to it   I am not

call me weak, but I am not

I keep on moving, step by step, regardless   I have never been prone to depression   I acknowledge feelings, but don't get lost in them for long   I have learned how to write them out   I have learned how to wait them out   I have learned how to keep moving, step by step

no one who feels deeply can avoid trauma   it is inscribed in the human condition   only those who are detached can sidestep intense emotional pain

call me weak, but I am not immune to the dark moments   and I write them down