We upscale home-based executives whose office is our computer chair appear to have a new uniform. Business Jammies for the ladies and Executive Skivies for the gentlemen.
We like these casual outfits because they are cool and comfortable, and they look okay, even on Skype. We roll out of the rack in the morning and we’re already dressed for work, assuming we don’t have to take time to kick a new acquaintance out of bed so we can read our email in peace.
Not only that, we can feel ecologically proud because we are saving on laundry water and electricity!
So what could be the problem with such individual efficiency and social responsibility? The problem was brought to my attention by my friend, Noni. She complained that when the FedEx guy rings the doorbell at noon, she's got to rush to find some cargo pants and a t-shirt to throw on so she doesn't endure an embarrassed panic because she looks like a "college student hooker who just jumped out of bed, and is such a lousy hooker she can't even afford a pair of pants." Guys don't have this problem, unless it is a FedEx babe. And even then...
After a three cocktail disscussion, deconstruction and analysis of the problem we decided the solution is a new dresscode. But not for us. We like our businesswear.
This new exec dresscode is for all those old behind-the-times people who schlep out to work in previous-century type offices. Their new dresscode is to dress just like we do.
We would like to christen this the Executive Skivies dresscode. It should include boxers for the guys as oppossed to something that a pudged out Euroslob wears while vacationing on South Beach. Topped by T-shirt or hoodie. A ballcap worn backwards is optional, but only if you are under 30 or a brutha.
The Ladies dresscode is Business Jammies. BizJams should not be shorter than teddy length, or of a material that distracts from the powerpoint when standing in front of the exterior conference room window. Except maybe on a dress-down Friday when anything goes but crotchless panties, which should be saved for office parties. A robe is optional, but recommended for business men and women who always intend to go on a diet and exercise regimen, but haven’t quite got there, yet.
I feel that this manditory business dresscode will help the world economy. It will not only help improve overall worker attitudes, it will increase productivity, create new jobs in the garment industry, and will be a boon to lawyers handling sexual harrassment cases.
Then when the meter man suddenly knocks on Noni door while she is tweeting in her teddy, she would feel as splediferous prepared as Joan Walsh dressed for battle with O'Reilly. And if I were in my power boxers (with a pattern of little red ties on them) I would feel as sartorially tight as Donald Trump, but without the comb over.
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David Price
cartouche
Lyn LeJeune
fernsy
Dr. Strangemom
Amanda Brooks
Salon.com
Comments
Fun post!