Under Sharia law, righteous Islamic dudes can cane women who drink beer while wearing pants. Like whack them with a cane! This doesn’t seem fair, does it? Don’t us non-Moslems have equal rights? Why should those guys get to cane their women when we can’t even cane them for taking our jobs, and making us feel inferior?
I have been meditating on this and have made a great discovery. Or maybe it is an epiphany and I have been DIVINELY INSPIRED, or I just drank too much Red Bull with my Oxycotin and peyote to know the difference.
I learned by studing great men like Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, and Jimmy Swaggart that if you are RIGHTEOUS, you can do anything to anyone and have it be RIGHTEOUS. Yeah, verily, praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
Well, that’s me. I’ve got my cane of righteousness and my god’s permisison to use it. But what about you, poor sinner? Are you really RIGHTEOUS?
Take this test and if you answer “Yes, YES, YEESSSS!” you can join us as one of the CHOSEN.
1. You only want to do what’s RIGHT and to spread the TRUTH.
2. You have the RIGHT to do what needs to be done, because you know what you know, and it is the TRUTH.
3. You are fortunate that you have the TRUTH, and the knowledge that GOD approves of whatever you must do to further the TRUTH.
4. You know that in this knowledge you will find happiness and you will bring happiness to those who share the TRUTH.
5. The greater GOOD can only be seen by people like you who have the TRUTH.
6. Your philosophy, your beliefs and your TRUTH is the only complete TRUTH.
7. You know it is TRUTH because your HOLY BOOK says it is the TRUTH.
8. Once you know the TRUTH, you don’t need to reexamine your actions in terms defined by unfortunate misguided ones who don’t have the TRUTH.
9. What happens to those who do not accept the TRUTH is unimportant compared to what happens to those who have the TRUTH.
10. If others truly understood the TRUTH, they would find your actions admirable, and they would join you in spreading the TRUTH, so one way or another, you must bring others the TRUTH.
If you qualify as RIGHTEOUS you can join we CHOSEN few. Like those blessed televangelists with their own tv shows and fleets of holy limos, and Glenn Beck who is truley touched. And the C-Street Group of God’s Republican Saviors. And don’t forget Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and a number Popes from the Dark Ages.
Yes, if you are RIGHTEOUS, you can preach the word, torture your enemies, cane women when they wear pants, or convince a retarded child to strap on an IED and to go out spread the TRUTH.
Ain’t it freakin cool to be really RIGHTEOUS?
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
David Price
cartouche
Lyn LeJeune
fernsy
Dr. Strangemom
Amanda Brooks
Salon.com
Comments
(Do I have to buy my own cane, or does it come with membership?)
Rated for ferverent, frothing fun!