Patton Lee Beaugus

Patton Lee Beaugus
Location
Hell's Kitchen, New York, USA
Birthday
January 01
Title
inmate/escapee
Company
Joliet Prison Psychiatric Ward
Bio
Writer and bar room philosopher. Convictions for molesting verbs and fragmenting sentences without a license. Author of Married Men's Militia — a Battleguide for Divorcing Guys. After I made a heroic escape from the Joliet Prison Psychward by braiding my beard and pulling a Rapunzel, I changed my identity from John Patrick Gallagher to Colonel Patton Lee Beaugus. http://buddabings.com

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A Patton Lee Beaugus Christmas
NOVEMBER 8, 2009 7:13AM

An OS Wanna-Be

Rate: 27 Flag
screamI rarely leave my little room
My keyboard's all I touch.
I'm just a loner loser
who wants to win so much.

Read Me! Rate Me! Comment!
To ignore me is to damn me.
Make me feel there's someone there
who reads and understands me.

I want to write these OS blogs
to get some validation
But all it seems to be, for me
Is a kind of masterbation.

I dream of getting EPs
like I used to dream of sex.
I lust for pay for writing this.
Fat chance, that that's what's next

Me! Me! Me!
I'm all about just me.
I comment 'cause my avatar gets seen and clicked by others.
Me! Me! Me!
I'm an OS Wanna-be.

I don't know who this rhyme's about
I hope it isn't me.
We know that it could not be you.
Must be some other wanna-be.

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os, open salon, writers, pay, writing, patton lee beaugus

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When I was a kid, my brother and played games where we shot each other and if there was a hit, we'd grab our hearts, yell "You got me!" and fall to the floor. I'm on the floor right now with my hand on my heart.
John Patrick Gallagher
November 08, 2009 07:24 AM
You've made my morning coffe so much more enjoyable today. Funny, very, very funny. Loved it.
Joanne Costantino
November 08, 2009 07:34 AM
If it is about you, I think its funny. But if it's about me... I know better ways to masterbate than writing. Like reading the comments I get.
Noni The Intern
November 08, 2009 07:42 AM
Nothing wrong with becoming a master debater.
Rich Banks
November 08, 2009 07:49 AM
Funny. And possibly with a teensy bit of truth.
Myriad
November 08, 2009 09:28 AM
No money, but I would love to read your stuff. If it's all as funny as this, we'll have lunch!
R~
scanner
November 08, 2009 10:28 AM
poetic OS social commentary...very clever
Leonde Delmare
November 08, 2009 10:32 AM
Har! Putting this CONSTANT whine into a formal poem makes it SO much more interesting.
Hells Bells
November 08, 2009 10:41 AM
Yep. (Does this get my avatar seen for the morning?)
Kathy Riordan
November 08, 2009 10:49 AM
Hell's Bells, OMG, I never expected any good comments from a real poet on my poetry. thx. I'll probably go around rhyming all day starting with figuring out what rhymes with extra large coffee with milk.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 10:50 AM
Welcome to the party, though you'll forget about those EPs after awhile.
Ardee
November 08, 2009 10:53 AM
Kathy, I clicked on your avatar, even though it no longer wears a tiarra. But I'd already rated your villa-poem-thing, so you haven't scored any extra points except in my heart. :)
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 10:53 AM
I'm just trying to figure out whose sock you are. But not trying too hard.
Kathy Riordan
November 08, 2009 10:56 AM
Stupid health care bill got in the way and you beat me to this! Loved it.
Julie Tarp
November 08, 2009 10:59 AM
Kathy, EPs are like crack. I received one in my early days here and I've been chasing the dragon ever since. http://open.salon.com/blog/patton_lee_beaugus/2009/10/01/the_new_business_dresscode
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 11:00 AM
To get all you want on OS, try "tips" and sucking up to the cool kids. Not that "that" has worked for me, but it has worked for others.
Trudge164
November 08, 2009 11:01 AM
Trudge164 Good ideas, but I like to think I have character and I save my sucking up for people paying me to do so. However, I think your comment might inspire another stanza.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 11:09 AM
Ha! This, of course, is about me, because it's all about me.
jimmymac1025
November 08, 2009 11:16 AM
Love Edvard Munch, but in this case I think Magritte might have made more sense....
john blumenthal
November 08, 2009 11:49 AM
jimmymac1025, I knew someone would confess. But yes, it is about you.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 12:01 PM
Johnny Blum, Not sure we here are surreal enough for Magritte. But if I could to photoshop a computer and an OSer and a fish, it might work.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 12:04 PM
Patton, I didn't even know what an EP was when I first started posting here. When I got one, for my post on the Neda video, my friend liza Donnelly told me that the problem with them was you'd wonder what was wrong with your work when you didn't get one. That's about right. liza should know.
Kathy Riordan
November 08, 2009 12:11 PM
Karin, Total projection. How did you guess?
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 12:19 PM
In the fifth stanza, I think there's a line missing that would end with "all you f***ing mothers."
Con Chapman
November 08, 2009 12:28 PM
Con, yes, the "fcking mothers" line must have got accidentally omitted. When this epic poem is collected as part of the great works of the century, I'll make sure it is included with an asterisk thanking you for the catch.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 12:35 PM
Funny. Putting masturbation into a poem should be some kind of nobel prize talent.
Geraint Isitt
November 08, 2009 12:54 PM
GJI Penguin, Thx for the compliment, but I put masturbation in all my poems — unless there is more than three lesbian menage references, which makes masturbation somewhat redundant.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 01:01 PM
There's always adsense. Why don't you put it on and earn a fortune like the rest of us?
Lea Lane
November 08, 2009 01:03 PM
Lea Lane, Adsense? Right. LOL. BTW: I don't like comments that are funnier than my posts, so in the future please watch it.
Patton Lee Beaugus
November 08, 2009 01:07 PM
Tain't me you're talking about!! I got porn!! ;)

Rated.
Tinkerertink69
November 08, 2009 02:19 PM
What a wonderful, creative, funny post. Just what I needed. Thanks.
Maria Stuart
November 10, 2009 05:57 PM
I always wanted to inspire the poetry of others, thank you
Stab329
November 10, 2009 06:13 PM