Last week, the Great Glenn was hospitalized with an appendicitis attack, taking him off the air during the critical house vote on Pelosicare. A coincidence? We don’t think so.
Our secret sources reveal that former CIA officers, pledged to Pelosi and her socialist agenda, used Star Wars lasers to burst Beck’s appendix at the most critical time in American history since Benedict Arnold tried to trade West Point to the British for a minority position in Beefeater vodka. Arnold failed. Pelosi triumphed, thereby changing our history forever. Unless Beck can come back and save us!
The AGLENNDICITIS plot had two heinous purposes. One, was to allow the most traitorous bill since Row V. Wade to pass the House. Secondly, Obamacare doctors attempted to give the Brilliant Beckster a frontal lobotomy — only to discover mid-procedure that his frontal lobes were not connected to any other part of his brain, but only synaptically connected to his lower intestine which was what allowed him to speak directly out of his ass.
But during the time Beck’s brain was seeing light for the first time, the law of unintended consequences was enforced by a fair and balanced God who loves America and Glenn Beck. Beck is now psychic. No, not psychotic. Psychic. Like he knows only what the shadow knows.
When Glenn and his retinue of fluffers returned to his padded studio at FoxNews, he saw it. He saw what no one else could see — secret writing on his trusty patriotic, all-revealing blackboard. When he traced the letters they spelled out, “UV HR 3962 16734-37”
But what could that mean? Is it doom and gloom for American Freedom? Is this the first step in the formation of the United Socialist States of America. Can Glenn decode the secret and stop the USSA from happening?
Tune in tomorrow for the funny part of this blog to find out!
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David Price
cartouche
Lyn LeJeune
fernsy
Dr. Strangemom
Amanda Brooks
Salon.com
Comments
Bob, they removed 16 marbles and a hunk of chalk.