Recent changes in medical marijuana policies have renewed interest in making pot legal, or at the very least, decriminalizing it. Like far out!
It probably won't surprise anyone that I'm not only for legalization, I think ganja should be classified as a "green industy" and everything from growing to distribution to the collection and recyling of roaches should receive tax credits. I think this could lower the crime rate, save the economy, decrease the prison population, and create a third comeback for Firesign Theatre.
And there should be federal funds for marketing that would go to a new ad agency headed by me. My slogan for this movement is "The Grass Is Always Greener. And You Can Be, Too."
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I come from that hippie generation that wore tie-dyed shirts, Ho Chi Min sandals and falling apart jeans held together with bizarre and psychedelic patches.
Back then, we all wished we'd been at Woodstock, but we weren't. The best we could do was to try to bring the "Summer of Love" to Lafayette, Indiana or whatever backwater astral plane we inhabited.
We all thought grass would have been made legal years ago, but then we also thought we'd end war and bring peace to the world. Like who knew?
Back in the day, I smoked a joint or two although I was more of a juicer than a head. Back then, if you wanted to get lucky with a teenage hippie chick, you'd take a hit when the jay got passed to you, even if it meant coughing your guts out, while croaking, "Good sht!" Back when the phrase "Don't bogart that joint" was just starting to catch on, our smoke wasn't really good sht, no matter what color the dealer told us it was. Indiana homegrown was second generation whatever we grew from whatever was left after cleaning stuff that wasn't that potent to begin with. I think half our crop was grown from stems rather than seeds. That weed was harsh and had less than 4% THC. The only way to get really zonked was to smoke sht improved by pcp, which made the top of your head fly off and caused UFO sitings among your roomates.
I smoked to get laid. Half the time, you didn't know half the people in the circle passing the joint, even if you'd met them 12 times. If the cute one or her chubbier friend looked at your distressed jeans and said something like nice patch, you were in. Like groovy.
I might add as a mid-blog postscript that even if marjuana were made legal, I wouldn't use it. Well, not unless a really pretty 50 year old hippie chick passed me a joint, as she looked at my distressed suit and said nice tie.
There are some of us who no longer seem to remember those days, and therefore can not relate to my pithy and salient arguments. If you want to flash them back, just say "Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers." If they get a glazed look on their face, and a really dumb smile, they are remembering.
If you have such a look now, then you are ready for my arguments for legalization.
My best argument is "like why not, dude?"
Having tried this argument in the past and having achieved limited success, I have honed my argumentary skills to deal with the three primary arguments against legalization.
#1. It is a gateway to other drugs.
#2. Today's grass is too strong. It's killer weed, man. It has double or triple the THC we inhaled back in the day, and it will seriously fck you up. Whoa!
#3. Uptight assholes don't use grass, therefore nobody else should.
On #3, I say fck em if they can't take a joke. We used to say a lot, and I'm still not sure what it means.
On #1, pot is not a gateway. Purchasing from Danny the Dealer is a gateway. It's the supply chain, not the drug. The pipeline for grass is currently the same pipeline for hard stuff. If the Catholic Church was the distribution channel, the next step would be going to mass, and if you got "hooked" you'd become a priest or a nun. So marijuana itself is not a pipeline to harder drugs. And if you still think so after having my pipeline argument, fkc you if you can't take a joke.
BTW, in my entire amatuer doper career I never heard a human say "Pusher" It's a book and movie word. If anyone you are arguing with on this subject uses the word "pusher" to refer to a supplier, discount everything they say, assume they are a narc, and sell them oregano.
The biggest negative affect of marijuana today is the cost of enforcement and the cost of putting users in the pokie. With legalization, it all goes away and we balance the budget, and have 19 straight quarters of GDO growth.
If grass could be legalized and standardized, you could control how stoned you got. Oh, yeah. I forgot, that was like #2 in my other list of reasons to keep it illegal.
I see three legal levels of joint-power.
1. "Oh, wow" which is safe for high school kids.
2. "Got the munchies" which is safe for everyone
3. "I'm really fucked up, man" which is not safe for anybody.
4. "Let's borrow your sister's van and go to Burning Man."
In conclusion, I forgot what I was going to say. Ever since I mentioned Fabulous Freak Brothers, my brain has been slipping, slipping deeper and deeper into a state of "Oh Wow!"
Fat Freddy's Cat! Can you dig it?
And the Roaches! Like far fckin' out.
Are you holding?
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Comments
R
R
(Nice tie, man)
Porgy Tirebiter,
just a student like you....
(I've been up all night watching myself on the teevee)
Bush reversed that trend when we realized he never exhaled.
Obama still sneaks a ciggie occasionally. Maybe he's a toker too. Axelrod is, for sure, dude...a stoner. I can tell.