One thing I want to make clear to all of my readers is that it is not lost on me what a miracle it is that I am here to blog about my story. I could've ignored the lump and gone on with my life as I had before. It really was an okay life but a life taken for granted. I was raising my daughter and preparing to re-enter the work force when she turned two. Folks, I would not be here if I had gone on like nothing was wrong.
I am alive! I AM ALIVE!! I want everyone to say that to themselves. sometimes we become numb to our lives and our surroundings. Many people ask me if I saw certain things on the news. Hey did you hear about the miners in Chile? It's ALL over the news. Usually I will sheepishly answer, "No. I don't watch the news much." Really, I am not ashamed to say, I don't have time to watch the news. I am busy living my own life. I don't have time to watch all the sadness and suffering in the world. Selfish? Perhaps. I think of the news more as voyeurism now. I guess some stuff is important but most of it is fluff or way too much information about other people. It's mostly depressing and that is the last thing I need in my life.
I spend a lot of time on the phone with my mom or my friends. My husband would say far too much time. I spend time with my horses. SO relaxing and peaceful. When Maggie comes home from school, I just spend time with her. Cancer may not be what kills me but none of us can predict what will. It could be tomorrow or fifty years from now. I am very cognizant of that.
I still have so much to see. I have dreams of going back to Austria or seeing Ireland for the first time. I haven't even been to California to visit my wonderful relatives whom I never see. I miss them terribly. What a shame it would be if I didn't do my damndest to achieve my dreams.
I think everyone should have dreams beyond paying off their bills or their mortgages or getting the big promotion. I mean all of those things are honorable and real. I understand that but I know most people have dreams they never even share with their partner or spouse. I think that's sad. Some people just don't bother to share their dreams because their partner or spouse just doesn't care enough to hear it. That is sad too.
I have also taken note of the fact that up till now, I have used the word I thirty-six times. I swear I am not a narcissist. This entry just required a lot of self examination. Make no mistake about it. My daughter is and always will be my number one concern. I believe in many ways she is responsible for giving me the drive to survive. I would not be here if it wasn't for her. Thank you, Maggie! I love you more than words can express.