At a Treasury Department press conference today, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner introduced the lasagna dollar -- the newest addition to America’s currency. In his statement he described the new bill as heading off fears of a worthless dollar, pointing out that, no matter where inflation might lead, the dollar will now always retain a nutritional value.
Printed with vegetable ink on a stock of 100% pure durum semolina, the edible dollar can be useful if food prices rise more rapidly than wages.
Geithner read a statement from Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who praised the lasagna dollar, and hinted that it may form the basis for a new round of Quantitative Eating.
After reading his prepared statement, Geithner fielded questions from reporters.
Jim Shields, Washington Post: Secretary Geithner, are you concerned that this might send the wrong message to poor and unemployed Americans; a sort of elitist, let them eat cake statement? If so, can you understand why a lasagna dollar might make them, if you’ll pardon the expression -- boiling mad?
Geithner: Jim, I would hope we’re pasta time when we used puns – the lowest form of humor -- when addressing a serious issue of national importance. If I considered this an elitist taunting of the poor and unemployed, I certainly would have taken the time to rigatoni response.
Marge Manion, Gourmet Magazine: Can you confirm rumors that the famous Italian chef, Adolpho Tuccini, had a hand in designing the new lasagna dollar?
Geithner: I will not only confirm that is true, I am announcing that the President will fete Tuccini with a White House celebration this coming Sunday.
Mac Myers, WorldNetDaily: Mr. Secretary, I have sources that say George Soros has taken advantage of this opportunity to corner the semolina market. Can you respond to this breaking news story?
Geithner: Mac erroneous information can start unfounded rumors. I assure you Mr. Soros has no involvement
Jane Hinton, National Law Journal: Larry Klayman has announced he will file a lawsuit on behalf of American citizens, claiming the lasagna dollar will damage the value of their holdings. He will attempt to file a lien on the Treasury Department building pending the outcome of the lawsuit. Your response?
Geithner: Jane, I will tell Mr. Klayman that before he files a tortellini should consider the cost Americans have to bear fighting a lawsuit when he has no chance of prevailing.
Charles Ray, ABC News: Given the results of the midterm elections, does the President have the political capital it takes to sell this idea to the American people?
Geithner: Charles, if you’re asking me cannelloni provide sufficient political support, the answer is it takes cooperation from all involved agencies of government.
That’s all the questions I have time for today. If you wish, you may submit more questions in writing. Please give me a day orzo to penne response.
Thank you.
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Ted Frier
The Flylooper
Ben Sen
mishima666
Paul Nevins
Ron Robinson
Salon.com
Comments
Nothing like American money made by Americans, for Americans. It's so.....Italian...
I think the idea is when the lasagna dollar gets far enough below its par value, you parboil it. At that point, it's more concerned with your germs.
I can see sticking a lasagna dollar in an edible G string. I'd continue, but this is post is rated G, though not for strings.
~R
That sent me Googling. It's a word I never sauce used.
Okay....that was baaaaad....
I'm glad you Havana good time.
I'm glad you're Havana good time.
I'd rather have a can of Chef Boy-O-Dollars than a jar of vermin jelly.
ton·y also ton·ey (tōˈnē)
Marked by an elegant or exclusive manner or quality: a tony country club.
In my real life, I have a reputation for being a punster. You are quite intelligent and write well, so there's no shame in knowing that you can't say spaghetti and meet Paul's level of pun ditty.
The Fed is no manicotti. I saw that adolescent in the bathroom popping a ziti.
The groan is the highest compliment a pun can hope for.
I like to think it's a better idea than the petrodollar. We can't eat oil, though if we read the ingredients info on food labels, we might find we are, anyway.
Thanks, glad I could help on the needed chuckle.
I almost captioned that picture with :Geithner raises the skin above his eyes in a response to a reporter's question.
As a woman, don't you have the urge to pin him to the ground, whip out an eyebrow pencil and finish the job nature neglected?
NA! And I was going to use rigatoni but you beat me to it Paul.
Hysterical
I hope this raw attempt at humor doesn't give you triginosis.