In honor of GW’s new book -- Decision Points -- I dug into my Bush archives and compiled the following short stories and observations.

The matriculation of George W Bush

George's education credentials are impressive in several ways you can use that word.

He was prepared for his future at Andover, where his academic record is highlighted by his cheerleading skills. I asked some of his classmates for their most memorable impression of him. They all said “cheerleader.” A few of them added vague references to a scandalous incident on Homecoming Night. Nobody from the football team would talk to me.

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Here are two insider stories that explain G.W.’s Harvard career. The first involves a conversation between Dub and the Dean of the Business School.

 “George, I’m afraid you haven’t fulfilled the requirements to receive your M.B.A.”

“What’s that, Deaner? I wasn’t payin’ attention. I was lookin’ out the window pontifyin’ what a Prescott Bush wing of the Harvard bidness school would look like. Say what?”

“I said congratulations.  You’re now a Harvard man.”

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Many years later, this insider story shows that, while he did get a Harvard degree, they were crossing their fingers when it was handed to him.

George had proudly hung his degree on the Oval Office wall. Condi was admiring it one day.

“Dub, what’s this asterisk after M.B.A.*?”

“That’s not an aster-isk, Condini, that’s an A-Star-isk. They said it means I was one of their most special star students.”

Scanning down, Condi found the fine print:

*Moronic But Affluent  

“That’s great, Dub. I know what they mean.”

The Bush Legacy Project

As Bush prepared to become a bad memory instead of President, Karl Rove began the Bush Legacy Project – a last ditch attempt to spin gold from lead. I commented:

We’re all pretty familiar with George’s days in the Texas Air National Guard. He was flying, he wasn’t flying - he disappeared. I checked on the White House Legacy Project web site for the latest version of why he wasn’t seen in Alabama and found this:

From the time Lieutenant Bush decided to refocus his efforts away from flying until his Honorable Discharge from the Guard, he participated in Top Secret “Operation Harvey,” a highly successful experimental deployment testing the application of extreme urban camouflage.

I tip my hat. These guys are good.

Deep Throat is more than just an Informant

I had a very highly placed source inside the Bush White House. During the summer of 2006, he left a red flower pot on the window sill of his DC townhouse, our prearranged signal to say he had information for me. This  story is about the meeting that followed.

We met in a D.C. parking garage around 2 am. My highly placed source was obviously more nervous than usual. I could tell he had what could be an explosive news story. I had figured Cheney’s control of Bush wasn’t about GW thinking he didn't know enough to run a government - he’s not smart enough to know he’s not smart enough. There had to be something more to it than that, and I had tasked my source with finding out the nature of that something. 

“Well?” Anticipation raised my voice slightly above a whisper. His eyes widened a bit as he moved his hand in a patting motion to say I should quiet down. He was right. In this town you should always assume every wall has ears. He pulled a radio out of his pocket, turned it on. With a sports update drowning out our conversation, he leaned in close. “This took some doing. You owe me. Cheney has a video. I’ve seen it.” 

My interest meter pegged. He went on. “Seven or so minutes of GW with a hooker. Not a Spitzer kind of call girl, a twenty dollar street corner one. I know that because she had $20 tattooed on her butt cheek. It’s pretty disgusting.”

After I recovered from my moment of stunned silence, I began to ask questions.

“She’s not, um...attractive?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Butt ugly?” 

“Hideous. And worse, the action was...let’s say...mutual.”

“Mutual” didn’t help soften the mental imagery. Ouch.

As odd and sickeningly salacious as this was, I knew this is serious business -- the kind of story history could revolve around.

I knew I’d never get my hands on the video. The real story would be found with the hooker. Of course, Cheney would know this too. If she talked he would lose his hold on Dub. I wondered if she had been snuffed out, or “renditioned” to some prison in Egypt. I ask my questions with that in mind. 

“I see,” I said, acknowledging the potency of Cheney’s extortion threat. “Is she still alive?” He nodded. “Is she in a dark prison cell somewhere? Did he pay her off? How does he ensure her silence?”  

He grinned and leaned in closer. “That’s the beauty of it all. She knows he has a video of her with GW.” 

I immediately understood. She’ll never talk. Even a twenty dollar hooker with her price tattooed on her butt has some dignity.

But at least now we know.