In response to Salon's Kitchen Challenge Open Call...

People with kids and the elderly usually have several meals worth of food in their kitchens. The ones in the most Darwinian danger of starvation during a snowed-in situation are the young urban professional couples whose most prominent culinary talent is dusting their kitchens. These people survive on eating out, take-out or home delivery, and have a very scant amount of edibles in the larder. The closest thing to cooking they know is making coffee.

In an emergency situation triage, these are the ones most in need of help, and so it is where I focus my assistance. To prevent their enforced isolation from becoming a downer or a Donner, I offer the following survival recipe.

Spaghettini Al-Fraudo Carbo-Neara

Cut plastic protective wrapping from two year old wedding gift canister set. Remove spaghetti. Retrieve cookware gift from top pantry shelf. Fill 5 quart pot halfway with water and bring to a boil.

Place sauce pan on medium heated stove top and Combine:

4 margarine packs from KFC.

15 leftover packets of pizza delivery grated parmesan cheese from the kitchen catch-all drawer.

½ spoonful of stone ground whole grain flour from the bag found inside the canister set.

4 of the imitation bacon bits packets you refused to use on that take home salad, but stored in the refrigerator for a reason undetermined until now.

1/2 packet of salt

1 packet of black pepper OR 1/2 packet of pizza delivery cayenne flakes.

Stir together and then Add:

30 half-and-half containers from Costco bulk-purchase box.

Put spaghetti into boiling water -- stir a few times to prevent sticking.

Slowly stir Al-Fraudo sauce over medium heat.

About the time the sauce thickens, the spaghetti will be done.

Drain spaghetti, plate, and then cover with sauce. Serve with alternating feelings of accomplishment and regret and a dry white wine.

Winter Emergency Sorbet

Avoiding the air-cleaning early snowfall Brown Layers, scoop 2 cups of snow from the top few inches. Stir in whatever coffee-flavoring syrup is available. Use the sorbet to cleanse your palate between bites of Spaghettini Al-Fraudo Carbo-Neara.