The Watery Bits of the Empire State.,
June 04
Queen of the Underworld and other Points South.
If I must.
Native Los Angeleno now in the wilds of the Fingerlakes of Northwestern NY. Love makes you do all sorts of strange things, don't it?


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FEBRUARY 2, 2009 7:02PM

White Middle Aged Male : Underrated Sex Object

Rate: 69 Flag







Middle aged white guys get a lot of crap these days.

Oh, they whine too, some of them...Joe the Plumber types who speak of being emasculated every time they are asked to pick up their underpants. You know the type...pouting about the “feminization” of America because we acknowledged there are other holidays in December and decided that calling people “colored” or "faggot" or other, even fancier words maybe wasn’t the very smartest thing to do ever.

But they also get a lot of crap too. I mean, a whole lot. Bastions of privilege, true, they are used as the personification of an entire spectrum of behavior that runs from perfectly vicious corporate greed to home care cluelessness. They are the stupid people in the commercials who do the stupid things. They are the goofy dorks with the smart wives on sitcoms. The strange obsession with meat.  All that. White man as cliche.


But...and I know I will even get crap for this, because to say nice things about men these days is to ‘pander’, somehow..but...

I love them. I love them bad.

You, yes you, Daddy, in the market with your kid in your arms. You in your sneakers and cargo shorts and polos and caps, clean shaven or goateed, holding your cute kid and looking for that special cereal Mom likes. I love you.

You, work-too-hard guy, who watches maybe a little too much football and maybe is bad at laundry but washes the car for her and gets the oil changed and grabs the golf club and investigates, fearfully but relentlessly, when the house goes bump at night. I love you.

You, in your hoodie and jeans in the hardware store, sweetly flirting with me, if I am lucky, or sometimes just really damn helpful when I have a question, because thats what nice guys do. And I love you.

And you hold the door. And you pay the check, but can be talked into being treated too. And you smell like soap and clean laundry and maybe you have a little tummy but I love it, and want to caress it, and find it friendlier than Brad Pitt’s six pack abs....

And you wash out the little hairs in the sink, and you put the seat down. And you show up on time and take the kids to Disneyland, and read the instructions before assembly and grill a mean steak.  

And in spite of the fact that men are allowed to express only anger or happiness, the fact that men are given a box two inches wider than they are and told that THIS is the range of emotion and expression that’s “manly” manage to show profound tenderness and vulnerability, and thats manly as hell. Really. And anyone who says otherwise has issues of their own. And you haven’t cried in ten years because you just can’t seem to do it and my heart breaks for you because that release isn’t yours. You have to find other ways.

And you are so easy to please, you sweet thing. How little it takes to make you happy, it seems.

(I mean...I LIKE oral sex, sweetie! It’s not a job....its a joy! Any time, love!)

And you rush the hijackers on the plane.

You do that too.

And inside of every middle aged gentle man there is a James Bond wanting to get out. And I see that in your eyes and I want you. Because though the Bond in your eyes makes them sparkle.....your white-guy-in-cargo-shorts-getting-the-cereal self is hotter than Daniel Craig in a tux (and thats hot).

And because even though you want adventure and romance.. (and I want it for you too! Really! I’m there!) settle down and commit and take great care of the kids and that’s hard and scary but you do it well and even seem to love it. I am dazzled by the fearlessness of what men take on as a “given”. How you pony up.

I know its more common these days to notice that we women are working are arses off..and oh, we are. We have our own problems, big time...I could spend a lifetime writing about it.

 But that doesn’t mean I don’t see you.

I do. I do. And I want to make sure you know that.


I love you, Middle Aged White Guy.

Thanks for existing.




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..And because you never know which one of those nice and wholesome looking guys has a the end of the bed.

With stuff in it.

Fun Stuff.
i love em, too, p13 :) rated.
*smiles* ok, I'm vegetarian...and I actually do ok with the laundry...and I only watch football because I have to.

And I'm kinda hoping I'm not quite middle-aged...

But still, dear, this article cheered me up a bunch.


P13, thanks for some of the most consistently interesting stuff on here.
I have been very spoilt since someone got home. Very least I could do.

Also...we were at the hardware store today.....that was my inspiration.

thanks so much Dark and Boanerges and dharma, for getting it.
Awww thanks P13. It's nice to be appreciated. :)
U may say u like our anatomy, but I'm clear it's our minds you respect.
Love your writing and your love. Your voice rings true.
I'm not the one in the hoodie, but I heart this post.
Ben : Yes, but I really like dick too.

Emma: Thank you.. your good opinion is something I value, so high praise indeed.

Brian: But you coooouuuld be......
This was funny, and true. And if they don't make me want to smack 'em, then I just want to curl up with one of them, smelling the good smells, feeling the muscles under the snuggles. Mmmm.
Well stated!

I also love when the guy in the hardware store or the Target or wherever he's helping you flirts a little bit but then throws in..."Yeah, my girlfriend/wife said..." just to make sure you know he's taken.

Something I thought I'd never say but, Hooray for the middle aged white man!
You'll get tired after awhile of that dick if that's all there is and I don't care how big and hard it gets my amorous dumpling.
I adore them, too.

A leeeeetle bit too much, most of the time.

(Most of them, at least--notwithstanding the ones who are probably meek little nerds IRL who like to try on an UberAsshole Persona and go stalking through nice places like this)
Ben, Ben Ben...consider dialing that back a bit....egads.
This was really great, all very good reasons for adoring middle-aged men but you left out the big brown eyes. It's not pandering at all. I love me some Sam Waterston.
I'm so glad you decided to stay here and write -this is just tender and expressive and no-holds barred wonderful.
Verbal my love..I hear ya.
Artsfish....very kind of you to say so, and I thank you for it. Its hard. Even the most innocent of posts can get pooped on here, so, it's tricky, you know?
You make me feel old Persophne13. But then I guess it's a woman's perogative to lift and lower the veil. Carry on, but don't worry, I won't be back again.
It's all about fine lines, Ben...I'm sorry if you feel chased off.
I love me my men too, middle aged or not. They do get a bad wrap because little girls have been read a bunch of fairy tales that they can never live up to. You are smart enough to know, recognize and value that "invisible" aspect that makes up for the largest percentage of what they really are. And a wonderful writer that knows how to make it understood. And, you have that trunk.....
it's lyrical...a must read for any middle aged white guy. rated.
If I weren’t a man, I think I’d cry. This was really...quite sweet. Thank you.

(You’ve got such a marvelous writing style – conversational and head-on. Very nice).
loved this..i feel as though i now have permission to wink and lick my lips at all the younger women i come into contact with each fact, i'm going to the supermarket in a few minutes..with a new sense of confidence - thanks to YOU

i'll let you know how this works out for me

seriously though..terrific post

Angus...thank you so much for the best laugh I have had all week! HA! Very kind, very kind..(flutter, flutter)
Cartouche...thank you. I think when someone sees below the obvious of us is when we start to feel truly loved.
I'll join that club.

Viva La Difference!
Cynthia! YES! The flirty-but-just-sozaya-know-I'm-taken thing is beyond adorable. Well said!
Next time they have a "post I apprciate the most" contest---this is my nomination. I never read anything like this before. Since Darrin Stephens (either one---and yes I know they both were) we were shleps of the woodwork.

Thanks for writing this---you made my day.
Aaaa-men, sistah.

But you know what makes me turn to a pile-o-girly-goo? When they're super-sweet to their kids. Not put-on-fake-gotta-do-it-cuz-someone's-lookin' sweet, but real, natural, spontaneous, gentle kindness. Makes me wanna do all manner of......things for 'em, ya know?

Sheesh- I'm gettin' all misty thinkin' about it....
Yeah....things with your mouth.

See?...Sex object. kind of you to say so. I am sorry you have never read anything like this before. That's a shame.

Now if only someone would write an ode to chunky redheads.
Yes. Yes. Yeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
This is really sweet. It makes me want to be extra nice to the Middle Aged White Guy I live with.

I think you're going to become extremely popular with OS guys for this one, Persephone!
Amen. And they also go see what made that noise in the dark. They rule.
Yes! I mention that in the essay! I appreciate that more than I can say.
Thank you, Persephone, if you don't mind I'll pretend you wrote this just for me. If I see you at the hardware store, expect flirtation to occur. Rated.
You certainly should, Smithery....because in a way I did. How very sweet.

Now off to give you a compliment on your smartly written Billy Joel piece.
This is sweet, P! I have more of a Tony Hawk wanting to get out, but I think he got out a long time ago.

What a remarkable love note to men.
Thank you Rich, you sweetie.

Watch that driving in Pflugerville....Texans make up for that niceness by driving like cads, don't they?
Men are oh so yummy!

::whaaaaaaaaaaaa:: I don't have a middle aged troll in a hoodie to love! ::whaaaaaaaaaa::

(this has been a traumatic night for me)

muchas smoochas
Also, it seems that middle aged men are always the ones to help you get your luggage into the overhead bin just before it tumbles back onto your head and concusses you.

Another middle aged man delight: The Chicago Dad Mustache. ::melt::
LOVED this post---and it has me thinking about just how much I adore them. And you are most right about how easy they are to please. More than women---they just want to feel loved and needed as the most basic level---

And writing-wise, this may be my favorite of your posts that I have read. It was charming and fresh and fun and spare. Perfect.
When a MAWM attracts the attention of a younger woman it is as restorative as a dip in the Fountain of Youth.

I should know. I has happened to me a couple of times, and it's better than Viagra (though sometimes way more expensive.)

This from a man who's been middle aged for over thirty years! ;>)
To join in the chorus - Amen!

I think the only thing I'd add is: You, the one who will wander the neighborhood at night crying out for your girlfriend's wayward cat.
How utterly delightful! Yes, middle aged men. You *work*! You get up ladders and build things and fix stuff and tell us everything will be alright.

May I add a little ode to the middle aged recovering alcoholic? You rule my world. You have failed, been brought to your knees by your own shortcomings. You've lived, and become some of the kindest, simplest, most generous people on the planet. Some of you are loners, some of you go out of your way to support and assist anyone around you with just the strength of your affection. You know who you are. You rock.
Oh, P., I love your voice. Can't believe I haven't come across you before. Added you as friend.
Hi, I'm the guy who washes the hairs out of the sink, puts the seat down, grills a mean steak, holds the door, and pays the check. I watch way too much football but pretty good with the laundry.

Thanks for the shout.
They can be so sweet. When they rub your feet for no reason. And open the car door. And make sure you get the pleasure. And are WAY more romantic than you are. And their eyes light up when they see you even if you look like hell and are way tired. And when they really really listen. Yeah, even when they really are middle aged and beyond and the kids are way grown. And it's the second time around for you. And you are resistant all the way and a tough cookie and Hard to Live With. Which I am (even though he says I am worth it),

Great work. Rated.
Thanks-- it's good to be loved. Though I'm better at laundry than my wife is.
Well it's about damned time somebody did!
Oh Persephone darling...this is so sweet. Have you been spying on my Sweet Husband? Really, these are all the things that make me love him...only you said it better and wrapped it all up in one fabulous package.
Here's to ALL the middle aged good guys, no matter what color. Gotta love 'em!
I can't tell you how good this made me feel! I love the writing as well as the sentiment.

I also can't tell you how many times people come up to me at Home Depot and say, "Excuse me, do you work here?" given I live in the damn places.
Rated and friended
Love this post. Rated. I have me a middle aged white guy of my own and I love, love, love him!
And I've got nothing against nice black, brown and Asian middle aged guys either...
Love those men, especially when they reach to the top shelf in the store for you or hold the door open for you and say something clever. Love the manly smells and ways! Great, funny post!
Ooooh my! This has to be the sweetest kindest thing I've ever read on the matter. And the comments are fantastic. A little appreciation goes a loooong way with us middle aged white guys, I can assure you.
You put it in such a way, that I even feel proud about my place in life. Albeit childless, everything else of which you speak, speaks to me.
I wish more women could appreciate us the way the women of OS do. All you wonderful ladies just get it. The world would be a much better place with your collective attitudes and I personally thank you! A big bear hug and kiss on the cheek to you all!
Think I'll go have my once a decade cry now.
(I'm always late to your posts Mz. Persephone!) I caught one for myself as well.... But oh how I do love to go to the grocery store... ;).
oh thank you everyone for the nice compliments...what a nice thing to wake up to..

I want to make something very nice and sparkling clear here....I added "white" to the middle aged white guy thing for a reason...just a momentary singling out of the white guy everyone thinks runs the world but can't dance..

This was NOT meant to exclude anyone else...Middle aged sex objects come in all colors and from all backgrounds, of course..

I mean...we now have history's hottest leader of the free world, yanno.
THAT'SWHATIWANTEDTOHEAR. Beautiful post m'lady.
(Middle-aged Black guys need love too.)
Hell YES you's some love from me..

Your post brought a tear to my eye. The fact that there a some (very sexy) women out there who think that us pale, doughy white guys with thinning hair and more years behind us that we'd like are sexy.... well, you made my day. Really. You did. Thank you.
Plus - I can dance. Former instructor at A. Murray's and F. Astaire's.

In a Latino club in Miami, some years ago, I noticed a young (25ish) Latina glancing my way (I was near fifty). I asked her to dance, and when she hesitated, I reached out and gently took her hand.

As we danced, I began to softly sing the song that was playing... "Yo te quero mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho...". I could practically feel her melting, and I knew that she was mine.
Well Nerdmafia....pasty and doughy? hhhahaha....umm...hopefully you are being too hard on yourself.

I like handsome, actually, but down to earth, real guy handsome....

My guy looks like Alec than when he was So-Painfully-Handsome-He-is-Hard-To-Look-At.....

So, you know..the Alec with the tummy. As I like to call it..the Silverback physique. heh.


I am honored you are pleased though...

Wayne....whoo yeah. I would have been all melty too.

I had a big wedding to go to once. I had designed the wedding dress for Emmy Lou Harris' daughter...and was going as well. D took dancing lessons without my knowledge, just so he could dazzle me on the dance floor.

That is sexy.

As someone dear to me here said....There needs to be more "steak and BJ" days in the world.

....(there also needs to be more sushi and backrub days too, but that's another post for another time..)
Our hostess sez;"There needs to be more "steak and BJ" days in the world."

When is Steak & BJ day? Valentine's Day, no?

Guess I'll have to save up some bux so's I can go down to the truck stop and buy one of each. ;>(
I'm wearing that big, beer- bellied but handsome, oh God handsome, truck driver's even- bigger -than -me- big loose robe and I feel safe and comforted with his snoring down the hall..."wake me at 11" he said last night when he called from far from home and hours to go...he got into bed in the wee hours after looking at his damn hot-wheels on e-bay , taking out the dog and filling the cat's dish and setting up the coffee pot for me to find this morning and of course, having what I consider too much beer, and before he went to sleep, he with his beery breath, gently caressed my hair and softly petted me like the sleeping princess I pretended to be and ever so tenderly kissed my face...not my lips, not trying for sex, just the side of my face .
He's going to get lucky tonight...I mean early, early tomorrow morning.
Scared Grandma! Winner of Best Comment Ever!
I also love when the guy in the hardware store or the Target or wherever he's helping you flirts a little bit but then throws in..."Yeah, my girlfriend/wife said..." just to make sure you know he's taken.

Cynthia Blair, it sounds like we've met before ...
A thoughtful ode from a most captivating authoress!
M. Chariot! My delight is complete now that you have commented on my humble blog.

I just adore you and hope you are well. Your comments regarding picking the right waistcoat are so true and so important!

I hope we never have to get into hats. That's another terrible conundrum.

Awwwwwww! I didn't know you cared.
Maybe I'll be attracted to middle aged men when I'm middle aged. Just can't get into it yet.

But it's nice that middle aged men have women who love them. Everyone deserves some love.
I guess I should clarify that that last part of my comment was a little tongue in cheek. So long are there are middle aged women, middle aged men will find some love. ;)
SWM/52 ... no one told me that we'd gone out of style. ;-)
Holly my dear...put down the shovel...and back away slowly...before you get in any deeper.
Ah clever of you to know that.
Well I didn't mean to say that the only people who can find middle aged people attractive are other middle aged people. I mean, my dad's second wife was 10 years younger than him, so you know that's not my point...

Yeah, okay. Walking away now. I come and leave in peace. Just forget I said anything.
I'm with you on this one, but I'll waiting for them at the end of middle age, when the steel starts to show up around their temples.
Mmmmm.... I do love me a middle-aged white man. Nothing melts me faster than seeing that slighly schlumpy guy with a goatee tickling his daughter as they merrily roam the aisles at the grocery store. But the guy at the repair shop who tells me I don't really need new brakes just yet-- that guy, I truly love!
Persephone - now that you mention it, they are both underrated and under appreciated. Such a great warm post. Thanks for reminding me and making me smile thinking about those I've known, know, hope to know.
ummmmmm, women who love men... That's hot.
Thanks for the lift.
I've been dating a 43 year old white man (middle age I suppose starts at 45...whatever) and he's totally hot. I don't mean to generalize, but he's not insecure...and he's so much more intelligent than some of the men I've dated around my age of 28.5 years. Indeed, maturity has its benefits for d@mn sure.
JK Brady: I am ridiculously flattered that this was something you saved for later.

Dynomyte: I read that little essay of yours, Mister are a passionate creature...loved it.

Cliff: as someone who has always dated 10plus years older than my own age.....I heartily concur.
That's right, and don't you never forget it. I'm feely extremely manly about right now. Thank you very much. I also feel like I need to go have a smoke after than BJ comment. (P.S. I don't even smoke.) First I got to go and finish the laundry after I clean up the kitchen from breakfast. Then I'm headed to Target and Ace Hardware to get some stuff and flirt with the women!
I'm on top on the world!
See what I mean about the "easy to please" part?

If only it worked with everything!
This may be my all-time favorite post. Maybe because 40 is breathing down my neck and I'm rapidly approaching middle-age white guy status and it's nice to know someone out there appreciates us. But mainly because it's great writing! Rated.
Loved this piece. Gave me yet another reason to be more like my dad.
Thanks! I needed that!
Thank you for the sentiment and your wonderful writing. As you can tell from the comments, you nailed us MAWGs. A little loving appreciation and we're all aglow - you've made our week - and do you need a picture hung?

If I may return a little of the appreciation to the Middle Aged Ladies -- gazing into your eyes, recognizing the depth that the additional years have given make you even more attractive as a friend, a companion and a lover.
Great writing!

My own addition: I love the middle-aged white guy who recommends a casual acquaintance for a job where he works even though he's not sure he's totally qualified, and then helps the guy for months to learn the job because this acquaintance is really trying and really needs a job with medical benefits.

And he doesn't do laundry, but he spent three hours crawling behind and under and around the dryer realigning the drum because we couldn't afford a new one, and dammit, the darn thing should work!
Just wanted to add my Amen -- man, that little tummy feels better to lie against than any rock hard ab ever could.
Just doing my job, ma'am.
Oh god I love it when they say response to a heartily given thank you.

How cool is that.
Thanks, I'm one of the slightly balding, pudgy, fortysomething your talking about. At least I hope so. Anyway, you made my day.
Your name is interesting to me, given that Victor French was a friend of mine...I knew his son well too....same name.

Any relation?
Hey! Over here! (waving both hands) I'm a graying, middle-aged white guy!! (waving ever more frantically)

After that stunning piece of poetry, I hope someone out there--maybe you, middle-aged white guy--will write something equally as lovely about middle-aged women, also sadly underrated.
John Walker did it...

He honored me hugely by calling it mine, but was for so many women.

Loves me some John Walker!
I loved this... being the middle-aged woman that I am.

Great insight! Great writing!! Now where do I find one that isn't married or still paying child support !