A friend and I were talking today about David Letterman and men having sex with someone not their spouse and how upset and scandalous many seem to be about it. And how stupid this whole attitude is. We should get over it. Men sleep around. Men have always slept around. Yeah yeah, I know it’s a sweeping generalization, but really… Men have two heads and much of the time the lizard brained one is driving the bus.

 Why do we think this is scandalous? Or unnatural? Why are we trying to make men into something they are not? Why do we look askance at women who are attracted to power, or really anyone attracted to power – wanting and willing to get close to it?

 Prostitution has been around a long time, maybe forever. Why don’t we legalize it, keep it clean, protect the workers, and get some taxes from it? Why don’t we simply accept that this is part of being human? Why do we somehow want to put men in straightjackets and tell them they have to behave in ways that run counter to their strong natural behaviors?

 Why do we act surprised? Why do we snicker about this?

 What seems to me to be a serious issue here is not where Letterman or any other man puts his magic wand, but what kind of work or personal environment the relationship creates. If the relationship creates a hostile work environment or someone can’t be treated fairly if they choose to not participate sexually – then throw the book at him. But to create this false Puritanical set of values that so many find impossible to meet seems to create public scenarios that are a huge waste of time.

 Let’s look at another recent sex scandal  -- the one where Senator John Ensign had an affair with a colleague’s wife, used his office and his contacts and his parents (his parents!) to pay everyone off and keep them quiet. What matters to me about the Ensign affair is that Ensign slept with a trusted colleague’s wife – not the affair per se but that he betrayed a friend and colleague. That really sucks and that really makes me question his judgment and his leadership qualities.

 There is public pain and private pain – and it seems to me that we need to define and separate these areas a little better. There is enormous private pain in these scandals, but to somehow equate that with public judgment seems wrong. Do I think less of these men who cheat on their spouses or find pleasure in public restrooms? Yes, I do. Do I make judgments about them and find this all distasteful? Yes, I do. Do I think it equates with whether they are good leaders, good presidents, good attorneys general, or even good talk show hosts? No… I do not.

 Why can’t we grow up and accept our own humanity in all its messiness? Why must we confuse the private with the public and in the process ourselves become so prurient and childish. I congratulate David Letterman on “coming clean” – it makes him look courageous and human. Let’s have more of that.