just phyllis

just phyllis
Location
Small Town, Indiana, USA
Birthday
November 13
Bio
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia _____________________________________ All works ©Phyllis45, the author of this blog. _____________________________________ Also posting at Our Salon http://oursalon.ning.com/ http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/Phyllis

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NOVEMBER 4, 2011 9:51PM

A Ransom- OS Weekend Fiction

Rate: 9 Flag

 She sat huddled in the corner, wishing for a more effective place to hide. True, she was in an abandoned house, but a little bit of cover does go a long way and this place had none. No doors, no windows, not even any dead leaves laying about. Who knew that an old house could be this clean.

She is hiding, of course. The night had started so well. It was her birthday, the big 5-0, and she had been on her way to PAR-TY!!! Good friends, good music, and maybe... Oh well, you know what they say about plans.

 The bar was hopping. She entered wearing her orange mini dress and there was an actual pause when folks saw her. She. Was. Hot. And working that dress for all it was worth. You don't get many nights where every female in the room hates you on sight. Such fun if you're the one they hate.

Unfortunately, one of the hating females decided to make her look bad. Stupid shit. Started a fight. FYI- never start a fight with someone you don't know. So 'hating female'  got hurt, and her peeps want revenge.

So now she's hiding in an empty house. Shit, there's a light! No where to duck. But wait, the light is coming up from the floor. What the heck. She creeps over to investigate.

It's a tiny little door in the floor. Sort of baroque with a brass knocker on it. Unable to resist, she uses a fingernail to lift up the knocker and let it drop. Soon there are footsteps and the door opens. The most handsome man looks out...

"Hello," says the man. "Can I help you?"

"Um, well, gosh, are you real? I mean, well, your front door is set into the floor. Oh, I'm not saying this well at all."

The man smiled. "Dear lady, of course I am real. You seem to be in some distress and your clothing... Would you like to come in?"

She paused. Would she like to go in? The light and gaiety  coming from the little door were seductive. It seemed magical, as though a wonderful party were underway. And it was her birthday. Would she like to go in?

"Yes, I think I would like to come in, but how would I enter? Your door is so small..."

"Oh," he said, "that's the easy part. Just take my hand."

She reached out to take his hand and found herself magically transported. The inside of the door was as beautiful as she had imagined. Her dress was new and fresh, and all of the party goers welcomed her in. She found out the catch when she tried to leave...

The old abandoned house has been there as long as anyone remembers. The sign above the door says it is an abandoned rectory. The last holy man to live there turned out to be a very bad man. Legend has it that he is still in the house buried under the floor boards. To free himself, he must lure 50 souls into his space under the floor as ransom.  She was number 49.

moon

 

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weekend fiction

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Comments

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Yikes #49! And I thought she was safe. Darn.
Yeah, zanelle, doesn't is seem like there's always a catch?
Excellent. A fine story and grand writing. Well done.
Rated.
Scylla, thank you for the lovely compliment!

Snowden, are you going into any empty buildings today?
Hey! That was good and one could say, "I was drawn in." LOL
Hi, Blinddream, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you liked it.
That's what she gets for wishing she would stay 49, never making it to 50! I don't know if that fits anywhere into your story, but that's how I read the irony into it. Nice twist and great use of the prompt.
Rated.
Out on a limb, not intentional, but I can see that. Actually, I was leaving open for another person to knock on the little door...
that indeed is a sucky ending to a great night.
well, lesson learned.
"vanity, thy name is woman!"
ha.
Aw, James, I think of her as naive and vulnerable, maybe too trusting. Girls just wanna have fun, ya know?

Always appreciate a chance to quote Cindy Lauper...
I love your story! I really enjoy it when writers use their imaginations and write fantasy. I have written Gothic Horror, but not this genre. You have inspired me to step outside my comfort zone!
Hi Susie! Thank you for the compliment! And step on out. It's even fun sometimes.
Terrible injustice! That makes it horror. This little shocker could easily have been expanded into an entire short story. Think about it on the side.
R+ and away to Facebook we go!
a bit like Alice?

great story rated d
Good story, phyllis! Well written and a rather unexpected twist; the title didn't give anything away at all, simply resonated with the last line, which is a nice touch.