I have been thinking about trying the dating site Plentyoffish.com, now known as POF. In that vein, my brain took off imagining the possibilities of things that could go wrong, which is where I always head, and came up with this conversation. Yes, a view into my musings. Hang on...
M: So, do you want to have sex?
F: Not right now, no. Why do you ask?
M: Well, I thought I would ask since your profile said that you wanted someone to have fun with.
F: And that automatically means sex?
M: Well, yeah, it usually does. Don't you like sex?
F: Sure, I like sex. I just thought I would try getting to know you first.
M: Oh, well, what would you like to know? I was pretty thorough in the profile.
F: Okay, since you brought up sex, when was your last HIV test?
M: Huh? HIV? Why would I need an HIV test? I don't sleep with people that have AIDS.
F: I'm sure you don't on purpose, but there are undiagnosed, seemingly healthy, people who are infected with HIV. Have you ever been tested?
F: What about hepatitis? Have you been tested for that? Your profile says you have tattoos. You may have slept with people who have tattoos. And again, hepatitis can be asymptomatic and you could catch it and not know it.
M: No, I don't have hepatitis and I don't need a test. I'm not turning yellow or anything. Besides, I use condoms. Where the hell do you get off asking these questions?
F: You brought up sex. I am merely trying to determine your sexual history before we engage in the act. And, condoms aren't 100% effective in preventing pregnancy so why would they be 100% effective in preventing disease?
M: Well, I wear condoms every time I have sex!
F: Even oral sex?
M: What!? Of course not.
F: Well, there you go. And besides, even though you didn't ask, I have a latex allergy so I can't really use condoms. How about kids. Do you want more of them?
M: No, I don't. My kids are all grown up and I don't want to raise any more.
F: Have you had a vasectomy?
M: No, I haven't had a vasectomy. Isn't that what the pill's for?
F: I'm not on the pill. Health reasons. So how are we going to avoid pregnancy?
M: Why don't you get your tubes tied?
F: Oh, I should have an invasive procedure so that you wouldn't have to get snipped?
M: Why not. Lots of women get them. My ex's did.
F: All of them?
M: What's that "Hm" for? My ex-wife used to say that and it drove me nuts.
F: So you don't get tested for disease and you haven't had a vasectomy and I am allergic to latex and you want to have sex?
M: Well, not when you put it like that. Hey, I need to go to the little boy's room.
F: Sure. I'll get another drink.
M: Sure. (Walks away, leaves the bar.)
F: Hi, friend (into telephone). Are you in town? My evening seems to have opened up. Yeah, I'll tell you when you get here.