Nobody will ever convince me that there are not forces directing our lives.
In 2001, I got a job at Purdue University. My boss, a fella from China who became a citizen, was the first person in a very long time to get through to me that someone cared about me. He protected me from the evil forces and let me know it was a good idea to get some counseling. A girl I had met at the job actually gave me her appointment with her counselor.
I then took it upon myself to leave this haven and strike out on my own, where I was thrown back into the cesspit and had to start over again.
I got another job at Purdue, I was offered two of them over the phone, sight unseen, and landed with another good guy. He got me my entrée into my current job, where I am feeling accepted and wanted, though slightly bored, but I think I have the fix for that. I don't think it's boredom. I think it is a reaction to the evil doers. Yes, they're still around though the ranks are thinning. And I have several people now between me and them.
About 5 years ago I found Salon.com. I had looked at other sites that had bigger names and found them pretentious and unfriendly. I then wended my way to Open Salon, dipped my toe in then yanked it back really fast, but have now waded in for better or worse. It seems to be for better.
I have read several pieces on the economy, on your past experiences, and I am still going to counseling. I have been thinking and pondering and trying to make the pieces all fit together. I do like a good puzzle and I knew there was an answer here if only I could get the pieces to slide together. It's difficult when they're all upside down, but I had faith.
Two of the recent posts that hit me although the actual numbers are closer to the 100s, I just don't have time right now to go back and list them all: One was by Homeless Scribe, Contemplation on Work, in which she describes her journey through the working world and tries to see how she got to her current situation. Then Dunniteowl posted Killing Me Softly (With This Economy), and after reading it and all of the comments, expressly his comments further elucidating the situation, all of my puzzle pieces turned over. Here's my final comment on his post...
"I have spent my entire working life trying to figure out why I couldn't get ahead. I was "launched" during the Reagan years and I believed the propaganda. Hard work, loyalty, education. But it seemed that I was thwarted at every turn. I thought it was me. I thought I had a flaw that was seen as not good enough. I didn't "belong". My talents were wanted but I wasn't. So I built walls and withdrew. I don't offer myself, only my skills. And I still don't get ahead. OMG. My whole world just crashed. Off to have a meltdown now."
And, a few months ago, a random stranger directed me to reading the Seeker of Truth books by Terry Goodkind. Just call me Sister Nicci.
So, the puzzle is coming together and I am in shock. As my Tarot said, great changes are happening and cautious steps are needed. I know of two already- I am going to detour on my degree and get the Entreprenuerial Certificate from Purdue, and I am going to find a dressmaking mannequin. I have the available credit to buy one. I might even get my hair cut, but I have a few weeks to think on that one.
Here's what the radio offered up as I was shaking my way into the shower...
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
MichelleD
WhistleBerries
ume
Steven Bridenbaugh
Ron Moore
Pandora S. Bach
Salon.com
Comments
R
ps I graduated from Purdue in 1987
Delving into the unknown, taking risk, is gutsy. The old, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, is cliche' but true none the less.
I say go forth and conquer! (and keep us posted)
Lezlie
Now.. "forces directing our lives."
Agree totally; difficult to explain even to myself how all that works, but have seen it so many times that it's impossible to discount. People, certain people, appear for what seems like no reason... but there is! A magnetic force, or spiritual... the words, no matter, but they appear. Sometimes you need them, a lesson they have. Sometimes they you, and of course to keep the circle going you must serve them in the way they need. Then, there are the times that you each have something the other needs, both equally teaching and learning.
You're in the midst of a big turn-around. That, I can feel.
R♥
Phyllis - Another song for you. Am not familiar with all the lyrics, but I think you'll draw inspiration from the title:
James Brown - I Refuse To Lose
What were we talking about again?
Oh, yeah, sumo wrestling. I'd hate to be pinned by one of those bastards' big smelly asses, but then I have some weird phobias. Sumophobia maybe, or assophobia.
Out on a limb, it is long and winding and easy to get bogged down in minutia. I am enjoying it, though.
Firechick, thank you. 1987? That makes this year #25. Are you coming back for a reunion?
Asia, weak is not a word ever applied to me though I feel that way sometimes. Mostly because I can't figure out why other people feel the need to thwart instead of support. That cliche is one of my favorites. Thanks for the support.
anna1liese, thank you.
Desert_rat, thanks, from one lunkhead to another. I appreciate your friendship.
Lezlie, I wouldn't be making this progress without you guys. OS has been a wonderful place to figure things out.
Tr ig, I've felt that you are one of those people. Thanks for being around.
FusunA, don't you wish sometimes that the reason was more apparent, sometimes. But clarity comes at it's own speed and can't be rushed if the lesson is to be learned.
Mary, I think so, too. I'll always regret the time lost, but am excited about the possibilities.
Larry, absolutely no shaving. I was thinking a few inches and a new style. Something that takes less than an hour to do in the morning.
Tom, I've usually liked the people I work with more than the jobs. And, strangely, when I like my job the people suck. Time to find my bliss.
Scanner, it is good for that, too. My magazine pile is being neglected.
Thefuddler, thanks for the song. And I think a world sans Prozac would be a good thing.
Tai, you're welcome! My life is a musical, so it was a pleasure to share the soundtrack.