When you see an avatar named Have It All My Ass, well, I don't know about you, but I have to click and read. She seems to be a nice person who has a few things figured out and has a plan for enjoying life. I don't know if she would agree, but that's what I picked up from reading a few posts. I found her in the comments on Ann Nichols post About My Kid. I find that to be a good way to find new people to read. It's good to branch out and follow tendrils.
So I wrote a post about my job and location history, and I must say, your responses made me think. You read it and saw a hard, painful life. And it was. I busted my butt to figure out how to succeed in that world because that was the world I lived in. That was my normal. It didn't register that other people didn't play by those rules because those were the rules I had to play by. But, I was able to write about it here because I am moving beyond it. I am seeing it as what was, not what is.
Which brings me back to Have It All My Ass. She just turned 45. A milestone birthday for her. I am realizing that while society has what they consider milestone birthdays, we each have our own moment that defines us. Pretty cool. So she made a list and blogged it. A good list. A pretty thorough list, too.
I am going to be 50 this year. Ach, I am actually going to publish that. But, it's just a number. Sliding back into not stressing about a number. Breathing deeply. Relaxing my face. Have you ever tried that? Go ahead, try it now. I'll wait. Feels good, doesn't it.
Ten years ago I turned 40. Yes, I am still capable of simple math.
Refreshing to know. I was so excited. I had moved "back home" and had plans to create a family. I intended to date, pick a partner and build a life. Yeah, didn't quite work out. Instead, I went into a major funk, had a serious melt down, and went into counseling. And stayed stuck at the point of wanting a partner and family. I kept judging my success/ failure by my list of friends and family that I had acquired in the ensuing years, and the amount of money in the bank. My blinders were firmly affixed and I was using criteria that I had inherited from my dysfunctional life to determine my worth. A system that has never/ will never work for me.
So as I was reading Have It All My Ass's blog on turning 45 (I just love that name), I turned to comparing today to ten years ago. I was so excited to be 40! A turning point. A milestone. Also, use it or lose it in the family business. Kind of old to be shooting out kids, but still do-able. I wallowed in the failure. Shameful.
Today, I see that my last ten years have not been wasted. I learned a LOT and grew a lot. I am alive and vital. I have my health. I have an outgoing personality. I have a 17 year old cat that is keeping me from traveling. I could take her along, but she doesn't go outside so putting her on a leash and taking a walk isn't really an option. But I see her as keeping me from striking out too fast and without the proper attitude, not an impediment but more as a discipline. I am going to spend the next 10 years living for me, too, only this time I'm going to do it with full knowledge that that is indeed what I am doing.
Good News Sunday!