just phyllis

just phyllis
Location
Small Town, Indiana, USA
Birthday
November 13
Bio
Blogging with PTSD --------------- "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia _____________________________________ All works ┬ęPhyllis45, the author of this blog. _____________________________________ Also posting at Our Salon http://oursalon.ning.com/ http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/Phyllis

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MARCH 3, 2012 8:29PM

It Must Be the Weather

Rate: 12 Flag

Welcome to the end of an awful day. So much for my plans to go shoot my new gun and to have some fun.  gun Yes, I know it is a tiny gun, made in the USA, but that's okay. My only purpose is to hurt anyone that gets too close with ill intent. That should be okay.

Nope, I had to get my buttons pushed first thing this morning by reading a FB post that my cousin put up. He says it wasn't about me but it was a direct, insulting paraphrase of something that I had posted so how could it not be aimed at me, on purpose or not? I really want a map to the male brain. I think.

I had an encounter with a male brain a few years ago that also pushed buttons. That one was a psychiatrist at the VA. He wanted me to re-live my trauma, to submerge myself in the bad emotions and relive the event in full color detail, at which point he would then pray over me and ask God to release me from the pain. After that event, I bought a hatchet and rode around with it in the car for two weeks, and currently am using it as a doorstop for my bedroom door so that it is close at hand in case of need. Isn't it pretty? It was made in the USA, too. Drop forged steel. hatchet

I have a pocket knife, purchased at a flea market in FL. It was made in China, but that's not a slam. Just, I told you where the gun and the hatchet were made, so it seemed I should mention it for the knife, too. It has good balance, a solid feel to the handle, and a friend just sharpened it for me. I bought the knife during my horrible year in Gainesville. I was feeling very threatened and alone.knife

I consider Puff to be a weapon. More so when she was younger than now that she's old and creaky, but still. She's never been declawed, and I can't think of anyone that wants a scared, pissed off cat thrown into their face. Assuming I could catch her to throw her.Puff

Of course, the best at home weapon is the dog. I, however, have been dogless for  392 days, but who's counting. I actually just added it up, so I'm really not counting. I have no plans to get another dog, either, so am having to come up with other means of defense. dogs

Self defense classes? Well, I called all of the three martial arts schools in Conservativeville and couldn't get a call back. I have considered contacting the martial arts club at my university to see if anyone tutors but I am afraid to find out how much they would charge and then have to tell them I can't afford it. And I don't want to take the self defense courses offered by the police. I want to really hurt someone if I have to get into a fight.

This is where my mind goes when I get stressed. Actually, this is where it ends up. First it goes down trails where I have vicious arguments with whomever has pissed me off and I tell them exactly why they have pissed me off and of course I don't bother to say it to their face because a. I might have over-reacted and will end up feeling stupid and/ or b. they just wouldn't care. In this case, I did email the person involved and he said he sees our conversations where he does everything in his power to cut my arguments to shreds and tells me everything I believe in is wrong as "banter." Huh.

On a lighter note...

Bain Capital is the owner of Clear Channel Productions, employer of Rush Limbaugh. Can we say, "Hm-m-m-m."

It's gotta be the weather.

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Oh, I'm sick up to here w/the far right, too. Ignore your cousin. And stay safe up there, we have heard about the storms...
Thanks, Patrick. We in my corner of Indiana have gotten lucky this go-round with the weather. I have unfriended my cousin and plan no further contact, but I still have the "issues." Bleh.
well i as yer therapist woulda"
wanted me to re-live my trauma, to submerge myself in the bad emotions and relive the event in full color detail,

at which point he would then pray over me and ask God to release me from the pain."


my God is a bit different from this jackasse's, no doubt.


i hear him saying things like you do!
he must be a plageurist...

"it goes down trails where I have vicious arguments with whomever has pissed me off and I tell them exactly
why they have pissed me off and


of course I don't bother to say it to their face because


our conversations where he does everything in his power to cut my arguments to shreds and tells me everything I believe in is wrong as "banter." Huh. "


who gives a damn what God says? he is out for Himself.

that is my theology.

along the kabbalistic line, only way less complicated::

god needs us as much as we need him.

amen.
James, I like that. God needs us as much as we need him. A sympathetic arrangement, as it were. I like reciprocity.
Phyllis, you are my hero, because you have such a stylish hatchet. Be safe in those storms!
So sorry to hear about this, but I can relate. When I went to the VA for my disability physical I too, had to relive a past I had safely put behind me...Only sending me in a downward spiral for months. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As for your cousin, people like that need to be kept at an arm's length...bah!
Zuma, you should see the way the light glints on the blade when I take the leather cover off...

My little swatch of Indiana has been safe so far. Thanks for the good wishes.
MichelleD, I truly believe that psychiatrists in a military uniform need to come with a warning label.

Danger: Guaranteed to screw with your head if you engage in discourse.

As for cousins; Bah, indeed.
Thanks, Janie. Tomorrow is going to be all about laundry and cleaning, which is why I was so looking forward to today. I had to go to town for a haircut and decided to make a day of it. Oh well.
Be careful. That gun is dangerous.
An unreliable gun can get you killed.
Like your arsenal, but the best weapon for self defense in the home is a pump action 12 gauge shotgun. It's the best defense because more often than not you never have to use it. Just rack a shell into the chamber and most would be attackers will turn and run. Ask any cop and they will testify as the the effective deterrent of that unique sound.
You don't even have to load it. The sound of the pump action will drive a stake of terror through the hearts of most bad guys. If you do have to use it, your aim doesn't have to be that accurate and you won't accidentally kill or maim anybody who happens to be in the next room.
My weapon of choice is a cheap Red Army surplus survival knife. It sits on the windowsill next to the front door ready to cut a deep slice into the hand of anyone trying to reach through a broken window pane to unlock the dead bolt. My back up is a cheap Chinese sword originally purchased as a prop. The blade isn't very good steel, but it's light and hold a decent edge.

But in the end you're right about the dog. A good dog will kill or maim anything that threatens whoever they love. It's hard to stay warm lying next to a pistol.

Take care in the storms.
JMac
Larry, that they can, which is why I was headed to the gun range. I want a qualified person there while I am figuring it out.

Jmac, I actually have a pump action 22 rifle. Not as loud as a shotgun, maybe, but it works and is dead on with the sights. My shotgun is a 36" double barrel side by side, full and modified choke, that I'll probably never fire. It's kind of heavy, but it and the rifle came from my grandfathers.
Oooo, hatchets and knives and guns, oh my! And "banter," well, your cuz can call it what he likes and even put an "LOL" next to it, but it still is what it is.

Going back to guns; hopefully your little American-made gun isn't too little. 9mm is about as little as you wanna get if you're talking about hurting someone who gets too close with ill intent.
It's a .25. I fired a 9mm Glock once. I didn't like the kick back. You don't think getting poked by a bullet, no matter the size, would hurt?
Hi, Cupcake. It's a .25. I fired a 9mm Glock once. I didn't like the kick back. You don't think getting poked by a bullet, no matter the size, would hurt?
Guess that's all for me tonight. My eyelids are drooping past my nose, almost. Have a fun time without me.
Being poked with a .25 would be discouraging, no question. I guess my philosophy is that if someone needs shot, they need shot thoroughly.
The point I was trying to make was that I wouldn't want to rely on a 50 dollar gun
("Saturday Night Special") in a life or death situation.
I'd second the shotgun. Handguns are scary. They are also easy to wrestle out of the grip of the user.

But beyond that, I suggest you stay in physical good shape. Walk a lot in the outdoors, an hour or two a day, at least five days a week. Perhaps do some basic exercise with free weights. Not only will this make you stronger and better able to fight if needed, regular exercise releases endorphins and keeps you calmer. It's been proven to be better for your mental state than popular prescribed drugs.

When you approached the martial arts schools, did you specifically say you wanted to hurt people with it? That's not what standard martial arts are about; they're about fitness and self-defense, not attack. The people at the schools are probably scared to deal with you. After you've gotten healthier, and get your anger and fear under control, approach another school, but emphasize those things - fitness and self-defense.

If you want to try something on your own, I'd suggest you check Amazon for a video: "Kelly Worden's Defensive Walking Cane - Easy Self-defense with a Stick." The advantage is, you can take a walking stick anywhere. Carrying a gun or knife, especially in the present day, will get police suspicious about you. A hardwood cane is allowed everywhere. There are other cane-fighting books around; the advantage of this is you won't need a teacher.
Larry, thank you. I did some research and this gun is one of the Ring of Fire guns.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/guns/ring/hazard.html

Most of what I found was listings for re-sale, so I might could sell it to a collector and get my money back. It seems these guns are on a lot of unsafe gun lists. You may have saved my finger for me, if not some other vital piece of anatomy.

Another fine example of fate putting me in the path of what I needed to know.
Cupcake, you have a point.

Neutron, I am actually very conversant in P.C. lingo, so merely asked the places if they took adult beginning students. Good to know there are books for stick fighting. I have a black walnut saplings, Walter, that I am helping to release its inner staff. I need to get that done... Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure you should continue to call your cousin out on his passive aggressive BS. No, you're not an ass. You're a person with feelings.
Glad you unfriended the cousin on FB. Good move.

As a woman who carries a knife on her hip almost every day, you need to learn to sharpen it yourself. I'll never forget the time I was on a fire in FL and was sharpening my knife. A guy sitting there said, "I've never seen a girl sharpen a knife before. Cool."
Hi, Razzle. I have found, with people like him, that they need to be trained in proper behavior and the best way to do that is to pick up my marbles and go home when they act up. Since he lives 1000 miles away I don't think I'll make any headway, but I'm going to reply to his email and see what happens.
Firechick, you are right. I plan to do a lot of stuff like sharpening my knife this summer. My gardening tools are in sad shape, too.
Remind me not to sneak into your home at 3 A.M.
Stim, LOL, consider yourself reminded! Ha!