just phyllis

just phyllis
Small Town, Indiana, USA
November 13
Blogging with PTSD --------------- "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscaglia _____________________________________ All works ©Phyllis45, the author of this blog. _____________________________________ Also posting at Our Salon http://oursalon.ning.com/ http://oursalon.ning.com/profile/Phyllis


MAY 19, 2012 8:08PM

The Day My Life Changed Forever- May 20, 2003

Rate: 20 Flag

The day started with me filled with trepidation. I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I was making a mistake. A big one. But I knew of no way to back out of it without it costing me some money. And I wouldn't have had a place to live, either.

I can't remember the exact time of the appointment, or the names of all of the characters involved. I remember Robyn and Scott, though, without whom none of this would have been possible. I don't remember which one I met first. Both, though, were very happy to help me change my entire life.

scott  Scott. I talked to him almost daily. We became very close, so close that he actually bought me a present. Most girls probably wouldn't have appreciated what he gave me, but to me, it was perfect. He listened to what it was that I needed, and he came through even when he was down and out.

I lost track of Robyn. She changed jobs again, and I haven't been able to track her down. I so appreciate what she did, though. She made sure that the financial side of the deal ran smoothly, and was an excellent facilitator between several government entities. A wonderful woman.

Robyn was my mortgage broker, Scott was my realtor. They helped me to buy my house on May 20, 2003.

I remember that day so well. I was scared to death at what I was getting myself into. The commitment. The anchor of a house weighing me down. The realization that I would no longer be foot loose and fancy free. A house! A responsibility. Aaaaaagh!

But, when I was looking at houses, this was the perfect house. I looked at a lot, mostly in town and closer to work. I had gotten myself pre-approved on a mortgage so I knew what I could spend, and the houses in my price range were horrors. One seriously needed torn down but the owner wouldn't come down on the price at all. Greedy barstards.

I met Scott through one of his listings; a house belonging to a lady who had just passed. I ended up not looking at it because it felt haunted, but I kept Scott. He was so new. Green as a carsick puppy. Perfect for me, because he was more flexible than a more seasoned realtor. He started out showing me the company's listings, of course, but they were all a bit above my limit and I was adamant that I wasn't going over. I was tired of being broke paying for a roof for the pets.

I eventually found a web page, Realtor.com, and started searching for houses on my own.  Scott was a real trooper. I would find the houses, go scout them out, then he would take me to look at the ones that passed the exterior inspection. We came to see this house when he was sick. Poor guy. We had the date set, he tried to find a replacement, but no one was available. I didn't have time to wait as my lease was running out and it was renew or move out time. So I insisted, saying I would drive. When I picked him up, I was equipped with saltines and Sprite and Kleenex. He did good.

This house had been repo'ed by HUD so it had been empty for a year. In really good shape, though. What sold me was the kitchen cabinets, solid wood and original, and the back yard. I just felt totally at home and at peace in the back yard. It was wonderful.

My back yard neighbors, Bill & Mary, actually came over while we were looking around to talk to us. They assumed that Scott and I were a couple, but weren't too upset when I said it was just me. I took it as a good sign, that the neighbors were that friendly. And they still are, so I must be a good neighbor, too.

I took the next week off from work and a friend helped me to paint and clean and get moved. I lost 10 pounds that week, too, eating twice a day and working hard to get things done. Luckily, the gas station deli had really good burgers. Mushroom swiss. And fried potato wedges. Yum.

I met Bailey that week, too. I was leaving the doors open while I was working, and he just came in one day. Very friendly little guy, always a smile. He started hanging out and coming over every day for that week or so. I sort of hurt his feelings, though, when I actually moved in. He didn't know that I would be bringing dogs with me... The first time he came bouncing up to the door, they scared him. It took a while to get him to come up to me again, and it took years before he trusted my dogs. He became Lance's best friend, though.


Bailey, my friend


 So here I sit, nine years later, feeling totally at home. It took a while, and I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it happened. I put it on the market twice, trying to escape, but the powers that be had other plans. Now, it is my haven. My escape from the meanness of the world. My refuge. It is me, too. Outside, looking pretty good. Not perfect. Weeds in the grass, needs trimmed around the edges. Inside, a cluttered mess. Just like me. But I am getting closer to getting the inside straightened out at I get my insides straightened out.

So, did I do the right thing nine years ago? Absolutely.


My backyard. I wish you could hear the birds and see the bugs dance in the evening sunlight.


Update on Puff- don't ever give your old animal Tramadol. Puff is currently being traumatized by not knowing who she is, who I am, where she is, ... It's horrible. And all I can do is wait until it wears off. It affected Lance, too, though not to this degree. Always Google for side effects. It can make animals going into senility act completely senile. I didn't know Puff was leaning that way or she never would have gotten it. Hoping she's okay when it wears off.

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Buying a house is always scary... odd though how when you sell the place it has become a home... and when you drop the keys in the lock box on the front door, there's a little tear in your eye as you think/whisper, "Good-bye house."
Change is scary, but sometimes it pays off. I'm glad your house is now your haven; I can hear the birds singing and see the insects dancing in the evening light.
Thanks for writing this truly uplifting story. There is no place like home when it is yours.

Resonate with this.
I have always wondered why people fix up their homes and then sell them. Economics I guess. Change is scary... but also exciting!. R Duke
jmac, maybe it's a resistance to change inspiring the nostalgia. Someday I may know that feeling, but I don't know. Kinda comfy now.

Cupcake, change is, indeed, scary, especially when all you've known is running from bad and trying to find good. It's hard to recognize it. Even when it jumps up and grabs you.

Lezlie, no place like home, indeed. I'm glad I'm getting to know that.

Myriad, I'm glad. This feeling should be felt universally.
Duke, I don't get the flipping, either. It takes a lot of affordable homes off of the market so that someone can make money, instead of letting someone else make them a home. Sad.
A house becomes your haven when it's ready to or when you are ready to let go all your preconceived notions of what a home is for.
Wish I had a house.
Apartment life sucks, as do half the neighbors here.
Ah, well...
Maybe at some point I can find a little bungalow all my own, a cozy nest like yours.
Poor Woman, "or when you are ready to let go all your preconceived notions of what a home is for." That might be it. Thanks for the insight, and I hope you get your cozy spot soon.
Home ownership is not what makes a home, but man, you can't beat it! I was thrust into home owning the first time around and was terrified I'd lose everything. But when I sold it and bought my new place, I just couldn't take the smile off my face. You're coming on a decade! Good for you!
Cool Phyllis.. it's good to be your own landlord, although yes- scary, or can feel like a burden. For you it sure seems like a good fit, an anchor but not it in the bad anchor kind of way.
I loved my dead-end ghetto estate, twelve years there before ending up on the losing end of 'mortgage modification' poker. So now, just as happy somewhere else and renting again.. sigh.
And not tied to the house- that fits my mindset better now anyway as it turns out.
Happy is what counts, right. Best of all things to ya :)
nilesite, I like feeling like I have the final say. When I rented, I felt constrained because I knew how I would feel about a renter taking over and doing things. So you like your second place better? It's good to have the right fit, isn't it.

tr ig, happy is what counts. Isn't it odd how fate works things out? The process isn't always pretty, but we learn and grow stronger.
it sounds wonderful Phyllis
You're where you need to be. I'm glad you call it "home".
V, me, too. It was "that damn house" for a while.
I am happy for you to find a 'home' dear. I am happy to read of the garden and see the pictures of the growing veggies, backyard insects, anything you post.
Thanks for the sharing Phyllis. I got a tear in my eyes for the idea of home...
JMac nails it. We're getting set to put ours on the market. I feel awful about it. Hope Puff pulls thru.
I can't imagine being that stable. I could leave here in a nanosecond without looking back and with no where to go. Living like a refugee. But I do have to admit I like it now. You are so lucky!
Chicken, I hope your new home brings you as much joy as your old one.

Mission, thank you. You are a good friend.

Zanelle, I have trouble with it, too, but I know I'm not done doing what I need to do here. That's what is keeping me even.

Have you guys listened to the video? I can't quit playing it.

Puff, my poor little kitty, is still stoned on that evil drug. She has spent a night staggering around the house in hyperactive mode between bouts of sleeping. Not sure it's doing her hips any good. She ate most of the food I gave her at midnight, so that's working in our favor. And some minor twitching this a.m., so it's messing with her seizures, too. Evil.
This post was not what I expected and that is a good thing.

This is a good reminder that buying a house does not always result in financial ruin via upside-down-ness.
Another Steve s, buying a house is serious business, indeed. I never did understand agreeing to pay more than you can afford. I was almost destitute once and never want to do that again.
Your backyard is like a park.
I think tr ig & nan should build you a deck off the garage in return for a sack of potatoes. You could grow a vine over a trellis around it for a little privacy ; maybe a sunken hot-tub & a dirigible tied to the roof.
I love Scott's gift ~ I hope he does well.
Your backyard is like a park.
I think tr ig & nan should build you a deck off the garage in return for a sack of potatoes. You could grow a vine over a trellis around it for a little privacy ; maybe a sunken hot-tub & a dirigible tied to the roof.
I love Scott's gift ~ I hope he does well.
I thought my comment was so insightful I made two.
Also I think Engelbert is ...
Nup. I won't say that. He was such a lovely part of my childhood.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but Scott was seeing other people the whole time your house was in closing. He even came to you from another "showing" that fateful day.

I also heard that he keeps spare doorknobs in his wallet, "just in case".

Sorry, but I thought you should know.
Ρhyllis,I can totally connect with you..My strongest need and wish is to have a house with a garden..To have my own "no ρlace like home"..""My escape from the meanness of the world. My refuge. It is me, too."""Home,indeed...I am glad you did it..Gongratulations..although late... Thank you for sharing such a hoρefull story...Rated with wishes
"When I picked him up, I was equipped with saltines and Sprite and Kleenex."
You are just too cool -- you know this guy is going to talk about you in thirty years, as the lady "when I first started out and was sick as a dog..." at least I hope he will be. : )
Congrats on the house! I just love your backyard -- all that space!
My town believes in filling in instead of sprawling out, so it's rare to find a house with some space around it, we consider ourselves lucky to have our spacious (for this town, *not* for your town : )) yard.
Puff, I do hope you feel better!
Kim, I agree but can't seem to talk them into a visit. Can you be more persuasive? I have water and electricity so they can plug in an RV to sleep in. As for Englebert, who cares. The man can sing beautifully.

Amy, Say it ain't so! I knew there was a reason he dumped me after I had signed the papers, but I just didn't figure on it being, gasp, another client. Ach! Although I don't know about the spare doorknobs. He looked so proud of himself for buying those for me. Like he knew he was a hero. But, he is a salesman and if they can't act, no one can. A-a-ah, guess I'll go hide in my thorn bushes.
Green as a carsick puppy. Don't think I've seen that before--I'm kind of stuck on which I might rather be; the puppy or Scott. Glad your home is your refuge.
Stathi, I sincerely hope you can find your haven. It is just good for the soul, to know you have a safe place to be. It took me a while to accept it, but I am glad that I did.

JT, I hope he remembers it fondly. It did get him a sale, so it wasn't all bad. As for the space, my town is shrinking in population so we all have the space to spare. And the way my block is constructed they couldn't cut us down. What they could do, though, is tear down the houses and make them bigger. There is definitely room for a bigger house.

Puff is getting better. Acting more herself though her pupils haven't retracted yet. I haven't given her any of the meds since 6pm last night. She is walking much better, though, so maybe all of the hyperactive crashing about loosened up whatever was tight and sore. Poor kitty. Could you imagine giving her more? It would be like torture or date rape. Giving an unsuspecting being something against their will that totally wipes them out. Unthinkable.
John, if it helps, Scott never threw up in my car.
So here I sit, nine years later, feeling totally at home. ...

That is what they call the "catbird seat", i think.
Also, the "American Dream".

I sure would never ever want a house.
Too many rooms.
I like confined spaces.
Helps me focus.

Scott? He does what he's gotta do...you know the type...
utterly a salesman..some salesmen are cool, they take pride in
selling stuff to people who need it, and their reward
is a good night's sleep after a day of a job well done.
They are attractive to the ladies, with their facial hair
and seeming 'ambition' which doesnt preclude them
from being kind. These Scotts are the future, i hope.

Bailey is an extra bonus.

dont fret about the yard. dont fret at all. you got the dream.
James, all I know is that it feels good. Scott was a good guy, though beardless when I knew him. I should call and thank him, someday. And Bailey is a definite plus.
Glad you found the right house. My husband and I cried when we sold our Denver house. We had to move because he'd been fired and his new job was in another state. I fix computers, so I can work anywhere. I know what you mean about the back yard. That's what sold us on our current house.
geezerchick, that's a horrible reason to move, but at least you found a nice place when you got there.