Should Charlie Sheen make a "Glee" appearance? "Glee" loves artists-in-the-news, and Sheen would be perfect as the 'angry guy posing as an 18-year-old.'

Charlie can also sing, as noted in some of his webcast outtakes.

He would be the perfect (new) "Glee" bad boy, a ragged-looking meta teen wh… Read full post »

To all documentarians: Please interview David Rockefeller before he cashes it in. I would like to know how he feels about his name being involved in so many conspiracy theories.  (He's 95, better get a move on.)

If you Google "David Rockefeller" and the word "conspiracy," you get around 86,000… Read full post »

The Vatican is accused of blocking internet access for Italians bordering the tiny sovereign. Hundreds of neighbors have complained that the Holy See is trying to control their online lives. Some of the websites reportedly blocked are protestantplanet, famousirishpopes, waferology (which has dozens o… Read full post »

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"Can I help you?" she asked.

"You called me."

"Sorry," said the lady on the telephone. "It's my first day as a telemarketer and I keep messing up."

"Don't be sorry," I said. "I'm the one who answered the phone."

"Can I please get your Visa card number?"

"Way too early for/…

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I'm Sherri, the wife of God. You've probably never heard of me, but that's cool. I'm the one who makes sure God gets your prayers every day. In fact, I delivered one of your prayers yesterday. You said, and I quote: "If tomorrow's story is successful, I'll be forever grateful." I… Read full post »

Mark Krowly didn't take kindly to IRS agent Gerald Fitts making a YouTube video warning potential tax dodgers to look out this season; he told the IRS to "f--k off" during a 197 character rant that may have led to his audit.

Krowly says he was angry the IRS would invade… Read full post »

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The Hiring

The Donald summoned me to his office. He didn't offer a seat so I stood by his desk. His chair was facing a window and I could see New York City's skyline. I also saw the top of his skull, and memorized the pattern of his/… Read full post »

She had Lee Press On nails, and because I was on shrooms, it looked like she was putting on claws. Bloody red claws.

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She got close to the mirror and put on lipstick, bright red lipstick. When she got done she looked like she'd eaten a bloody…

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I don't look at my keys when I type. I use the QWERTY method, like most people. Stoned, I misplaced my hands on the keyboard in chat; my hands were one key further to the right!

I was shocked when I realized it, and even more shocked when someone responded!

"Og O esd… Read full post »

Hell found me. Or should I say, I found hell.

I found hell because I wanted to go there--desperately.

TRIP TO HELL

I started my trip to hell by saying God's name in vain. Then I said Jesus's name in vain. To cover my bets I also said Allah's name in vain, Vishnu's/…

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If I were God I would have a Commandment that says you can make fun of me three times a year. Do it four times, though, and you're going to hell. Two times is considered pushing it. Once is best.

I don't believe in God, but that doesn't make me a heretic.… Read full post »

Larry rolled a joint, a handmade joint. It looked "jointed," full of lumps. Amateurish.

"I can't wait for perfectly rolled joints," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"When pot becomes legal, we'll have factory-rolled joints, like cigarettes. Perfectly round."

"I can't wait, either. All kinds of speci/… Read full post »

He was in the rental business, specializing in party rentals, which included wedding-related stuff. Needless to say, he made a lot of money on weddings -- for awhile. Once divorces began to rise, he switched to divorce rentals. Instead of wedding arches, people would rent a long table. Instea… Read full post »

In the "Incredible Hulk" clip below, watch the acting of Bill Bixby, who played the Hulk. Correction: Bixby played the "man who turned into Hulk," not the Hulk himself. (Lou Ferrigno played the Hulk.) Bixby played the "Pre-Hulk." He was never really the Hulk, which is why they called it "The… Read full post »

Interview with John Wayne

PIGFOOT: Do you prefer being called The Duke, or John?

John Wayne: Neither. Marion Morrison is my real name, so I like being called Marion.

PF: Well, that's a surprise. Give me another.

JW: I was going to be… Read full post »

My friend made a delicious chicken dish and I marveled at how good the chicken tasted.

"I wouldn't mind eating one with size D breasts," I said.

"I've had one before," he boasted.

"Were they real?"

"Hardly. They were pumped full of hormones. But my stomach didn't care."

He was… Read full post »